"All your brain are belong to Zero Wing!"

Zero Wing: You are on the way to destruction.
Me: What you say!!
Zero Wing: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Me: I will beat this game for great justice!

This is the mental conversation going on between me and the game.

I felt mind-controlled, like I had to beat this insanely hard game. I finally went mad and beat it.

I finally beat it.

On easy mode, sure, but I beat it.

After doing so, I felt my intellect being restored, and I was able to write a review.

Intro: 10/10
All your base are belong to us.
This intro has started a long chain of jokes. Oh, and Captain, no, I don't know what I doing, but yeah, go ahead and move "Zig" for great justice..
Controls: 7/10
Mmm, yeah, the controls are okay, A or C to fire lasers and B to use a tractor beam or fire a bomb. Beware, though! One second the Zig may be too slow, but the next second, it will be too fast! (Come to think of it, though, I never used the Tractor Beam much... I realized that that was one of the reasons I was having so much trouble.)
Sound: 9/10
I guess the sounds were okay. It makes a "Zoom zoom zoom!" sound like Megaman dying whenever you die, a "Pew pew pew!" sound when you fire the beginning Red attack, etc.
Music: 9/10
Although sounding like it was stolen from Megaman, Darius, and many other places, the music is pretty good. I still can't figure out why it plays victory music when you game over. Is the game celebrating?
Challenge: 10/10
Arrrrrrgh!! The pain! It hurts! Aghh! Ah, ahem. It's very hard. I may have encountered something I call the "Hydlide Bug" that causes you to die spontaneously. You'll often get cornered by lasers, many of the bosses are near impossible, and the powerups are lost whenever you die. But you do get infinite lives due to the Game Over screen sending you to the last checkpoint as though you hadn't run out of lives. All it does is take away points, and what are those for? And remember, I was on Easy Mode, kids! (But why did they have to say Free Play on the Game Over screen? Of course it's free play...)
Endings: 3
There are 3 endings, so you'll have to beat it 3 times for the full effect. Sorry, folks...
Grammar: 0/10
See intro.
Strategy: 0/10
Strategy? You mean luck, right? You have to be lucky not to crash into a laser by accident. Besides, you can't make a strategy when you're possessed.

And so you see, buy this game if you enjoy being mind-controlled, or if you can handle extreme, and I mean extreme, challenges. It's tedious, but fun.

Reviewer's Score: 8/10, Originally Posted: 06/07/04