Bonanza Bros.

"Perhaps the only game to harness the undeniable comedy of crushing a man between the door and the wall"

Bonanza Bros is a great game. You play an overweight, thickly-bearded beast working for Sega of America, charged with the task of translating a Japanese side-scrolling game in which you burgle various opulent establishments into something more acceptable for the United States. Succeed, and the soccer moms of the country go on doing barrel rolls in their SUVs while sipping soft-drinks made from the carbonated tears of Middle-Eastern sweatshop employees; fail, and the storm of mild controversy will lead to your immediate dismissal, which will in turn lead to you hurling yourself into the path of a freight train.

Wait... no. No, that's wrong. I'm terribly sorry, I'll come in again.

Bonanza Bros is a great game. You play as one of two cops (not burglars) who are charged with burgling various opulent criminal establishments. That's it.

Looking like the bastard result of a freakish orgy involving Jake and Elwood Blues and some Lego men, the Bonanza brothers (siblings, not black males) Mobo and Robo are master thieves, despite their clear lack of important limbs and organs. Taking control of one (or both, in two player) of them, you'll sneak or shoot your way to fine-goods-laden victory.

Each level - be it a millionaire's lavishly-furnished mansion, a glittering casino, or a luxury ocean liner - begins with a quick rundown of the life-enriching treasures contained within. Once in the game, a simple side-on map displays the locations of your Bonanza, the treasures, and the point at which you'll stage the obligatory helicopter escape once you've looted the place.

The cosmetics are in place - graphics are stylishly bright (if stiffly animated) and full of pleasant details, sound effects are functional (especially the satisfying squish when you crush a man behind a door) and the soundtrack is lovably catchy or brain-stabbingly annoying, depending on your disposition and outlook on life.

Split-screen is used even in single-player, to facilitate easy mid-game entry of a second player; this isn't a problem, as the levels are designed in such a way that one floor takes up one half of the screen. It's not completely two-dimensional; characters can move from the foreground to the background to hide behind pillars or climb stairways. Being set in 2D buildings, the stages are relatively simple, but are also reasonably non-linear; there's usually 2 or 3 different paths through the buildings.

Obviously, you can't just wander about chucking widescreen TVs and Faberge eggs into your bottomless sack of questionable justice. The stages are filled with men; some employed to stop your merry antics, some employed to carry dishes about and drop them all hilariously when they see you. The enemy guards are brilliantly varied; some have batons, some have guns, some have riot shields, some are massive and bloated. Surprisingly for a 16-bit stealth game, their AI is reasonably competent; they patrol areas thoroughly and, if they spot you, they'll quickly alert other guards in the area. The enemies can also work well with the environment, hopping easily over tables and taking cover behind walls. The goons can be outwitted with relative ease once you figure out their nuances, but they're occasionally a challenge nonetheless, especially in numbers.

These mechanics - the vaguely stealthy manner in which you go about your business, and the way the enemies react to you - combined with the freeform level design mean the game is reasonably enjoyable as a pick-up-and-play thing. It's hampered significantly by the controls; sluggish and overly-precise, they prevent the game from feeling as smoothly absorbing as it could be. It's also rather limited in scope, with only 10 levels, each with a 3-minute time limit; doesn't make for an epic play time. You're also doing the exact same thing in every level, so it does get rather tiresome rather fast.

The game redeems itself somewhat when played in two-player. Co-operative in theory but dreadfully competitive in practice, Bonanza Bros with a friend is an experience filled with frenetic races for the last piece of finery and 'accidental' crushings underneath print presses. Unfortunately, though, the quickfire co-op chuckles of the two-player mode are the only real reason to give it a shot. Played solo, the leaden controls and repetitive stages lead to enjoyment levels nosediving faster than the insurance premiums skyrocket.

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 09/05/04