"Sheer Mental Torture!"

Hard Drivin' was released by Tengen in 1990. Supposedly it was a ''Revolutionary new racing game'' and ''You couldn't get any closer to real racing without a flame-proof suit.'' Keep in mind this was an arcade translation, and being on the Genesis, should've looked and sounded pretty good. ENNNNT! But that doesn't necessarily make the game not fun, does it? Well, we'll see....

Graphics: 3/10- Oh man. Suffice to say that Pole Position looks better than this. You drive in a first-person perspective, and you have your little dashboard in front of you. This of course doesn't do anything, and you won't be paying attention to it anyway. But back to the racing action. The racetrack consists of alternating shades of gray, and the animation is horribly choppy. The other cars are similarly undetailed, looking instead like blobs of one color, be it gray or whatever. The only things that even remotely have detail in it are the background trees and mountains, which mean nothing to the actual game play. The outside of the racetrack is just a blob of green, which I assume is supposed to be grass. The occasional building and such is just a block.

Sound: 2/10- Even taking into account the Genesis' less-than-spectacular sound hardware (With the possible exception of Phantasy Star II & IV, Revenge of Shinobi, and a few other games, the Genesis has never been known for its sound), the sound sucks. There is no music when you actually race, which wouldn't be bad, except the whir of the engine doesn't sound anything like an engine. Nor does the sound of your windshield breaking (Which happens in the exact same spot every time, no matter how you happen to smash your car). Music-wise, there are only a few tracks, and none of them are particularly memorable, though the bass line on the ''You Crashed'' theme briefly stuck itself in my head. Then I turned on some Rush and it went out the window. :P

Control: 1/10- There's a delay between the time you press the control pad to turn and the time you actually turn. This is okay--though annoying--in early RPGs, where you didn't do much in the world but wander anyway. But in a racing game? That's just not acceptable. There are two different courses, and when you race the stunt course, you see a loop-the-loop and think ''Hmm. Finally, something cool!'' Nope. What happens when you go to race on it? Your view becomes horribly distorted--you can see the grass through the road on the later part of the loop (HUH?!), and you can't see oncoming cars, so you crash, seemingly arbitrarily (Perhaps this is a Graphics complaint, but oh well). Even when you do see oncoming traffic, though, the unresponsive controls don't give you enough time to dodge them. The fact that you move as slow as molasses when you go off the road--while admittedly realistic--also hurts, because you only have 10 seconds to get back on the road! Grrr...

Story: N/A/10- There is no story, though apparently you duel other cars once your time runs out, assuming one of your laps was quick enough. I didn't play the game long enough to see out the results of this though.

Challenge: 5/10- The biggest challenge is in playing this game for an extended length of time. In spite of the nigh-absent controls, it's pretty simple to move around the track, then do it again, and again....dodging the cars can be a problem though, and if you crash, you usually end up starting far back from where you actually crashed, thus wasting precious time.

Replay Value: -3/10- While not quite the torture that is Deadly Towers (It has a whole two racetracks, one accessed from the other! Wooow.), there's no reason to play this game multiple times. The scenery doesn't change, I don't believe there are extra tracks, and the control is simply the racing game version of Heroes of the Lance (I.E. not there.). Why you'd want to play this game is beyond me. And yes, that is a negative 3 I gave the Replay Value.

Overall: 2/10- To paraphrase Seanbaby: You know, I was all set to give this game a 1. I really can't think of anything that should redeem this game in anyone's eyes, other than the fact that it can be used as a decent interrogation/torture device. But then it would be as bad as Heroes of the Lance, and we can't have that, now can we? The graphics are bad (And in this game the choppy animation actually detracts from gameplay), the sounds are worse, and the control is just about nonexistent. Stay away at any cost. One last note: This comes from someone who actually enjoyed Deadly Towers once he got power in that game. Knowing that, this game must royally suck. Stay away!

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 04/11/00, Updated 04/11/00