Barney's Hide and Seek

"Keep it hidden"

Don't look at me like that.

Yes, I actually did sit down and finish this game. God knows why, anyone who wanted to review this lousy piece of trash would probably play the game for five minutes and have thought about everything that they would want to say about it. It's mind numbingly boring, very easy and aimed towards people who are seventeen years younger than I am but I struggled through this tripe and finished it in under an hour. I could have done so many interesting things in that hour but I struggled through Barney's Hide and Seek like a dinosaur sinking in hot tar. I just hope a certain big fat purple dinosaur would go and fall in some.

Barney's Hide and Seek is for children, very young children. It's so child-based that if you leave Barney still on the screen for a minute, he'll start to move himself. That's when the three-year-old child who was playing the game crawls off and goes to do something more constructive. However, Barney will keep on walking; missing everything you need to find but stopping to look at upset rabbits, bored bears and flowers.

Barney has to find five children (one of them is that whingy green dinosaur from his show) in each stage and five of their toys as well. When you start the game, you'll notice that all three buttons simply allow Barney to blow kisses. His actions will alter when you get to an obstacle so pressing the buttons when Barney is underneath a lower platform will allow him to jump. He refuses to walk off ledges, holding up a stop sign until a helpful cloud magically drifts across and carries him away. As you walk through the level, you'll see some really sly kids hiding. Well, at least they're trying to. Mostly, about a quarter of the kid is actually hidden from view and Barney blurts out “I see a friend” when you get close.

Allow me to demonstrate just how easy it is to find a child. The capitalized word further down the screen will have one bolded letter, can you find it?

BARNEY

Well, was it too hard for you? Finding the toys is a teeny tiny bit trickier because they're smaller but whoever hid them either was really stupid or couldn't give a crap about it. If you do find a blue present sticking out of the bushes, you can open it to get the toy. Then, at the end of the stage, Barney will count the items you have collected. He starts dancing and praises your efforts, even if you find nothing. What a guy!

The levels are packed with quite a lot of interactive characters and objects. When you start in the woods, you'll find a variety of animals walking around and Barney usually says “Look, a !” when he sees one. Some of them need a bit of Barney's help, like the rabbit who cannot reach his carrot. Come on, be an evil bastard and ignore the upset expression on his face. Just walk on, you have kids to find, remember? In the music land, you will come across alive instruments and get them to play for you and in an undersea level; you can gawk at the various sea creatures as they swim away from you. Yeah, it's not very fun. In fact, it's no fun at all.

God, this game was very depressing to play. The fact that I finished it rubs salt in the wound. I still fail to see how a child could actually find this game remotely entertaining. Even hardcore fans of Barney will find this game pathetic and even kids will probably get bored after five minutes of it. Let's be honest, games are designed for entertainment, not for teaching our children. This game isn't even worth a look and if you do buy it for collective purposes, then I feel sorry for you.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 02/23/06