Barney's Hide and Seek

"I hate you, you hate me, let's team up and kill Barney!"

Somestimes I just have too much time on my hands. Often, remedy this problem by downloading pathetic ROMs and playing them for a while. Barney's Hide and Seek (Barney) was one such game, and served to remind me why I want to kill that Fat, Purple, Uncle Bleemers

Graphics: (6.5) As bad a game as Barney is, at least the graphics are pretty good and happen to be quite well detailed. Barney looks as realistic as a fat, retarded guy in a purple dinosaur costume should look, the animation is rather smooth, and backgrounds are well detailed. Overall, these graphics are not too bad, but even for Barney, they are a little too much on the kiddy side.

Sound/Music: (1) The pathetic music and sound effects are of high (or low) enough quality to be on a Genesis but who wants to here stupid, reptitive kiddy music? I think it's the same darn tune every level, but since the game was such a torturous experience, I'd rather not replay it to find out. The only thing that saves Barney's music music from the big fat 0 it deserves is the fact that Berney's voice acting is so inanely stupid that the poor guy who has to suffer the torture of wearing the Barney suit is good for a few laughs.

Story: (0) It's Barney. A bunch of stupid little kids and a fat, retarded guy in a dinosaur suit play a game of Hide and Seek. Can things get any worse for this nadir of suckage?

Gameplay (0): The gameplay sucks so bad that it is impossible to desribe without the use of language inappropriate for a family webpage. As such, I'll keep my description to one word, NONEXISTANT. Basically, one walks around these stupid levels trying to find Barney's little kiddie friends and the gifts they have left for him. One accomplishes this rather unimpressive feat by going left or right from the starting point of a level in order to look for the desired objects. One can beat a level whenever they wish by simply walking out of the level at either the far left or the far right end. Even if one happens to find nothing, Barney will regale them with praise as if they were some sort of child prodigy. If one finds anything, they are rewarded with the same level ending as one would earn for finding nothing, but Barney's comments are slightly different. Besides the different backgrounds, the levels contain no variety whatsoever. The problems pertaining by the level are worsened by the fact that it is impossible to die. This is very unfortunate, since the ability to kill Barney could have been the single reedeeming factor that would have made the game worthy of the single point I was forced to give it.

Replay (0): If one plays this game for more than five minutes, may whatever higher power they believe in have mercy on their souls. Damnation, however, would be a far better fate than being forced to replay this game.

Overall (0): As badly as I which to keep the retarded score I gave it this game in the first two versions of my review, I now realize that I would be better off if I came across as more mature than people who actually find this game worth playing. It's a 0, and that should speak for itself.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 10/31/00, Updated 02/22/01