"Collect this game only if you enjoy watching Robocop 3 over and over and over again"

Those reading this may assume that I am not an Atari Jaguar fan, but you're wrong if you think this. I own a Jaguar and I enjoy playing some of its games, but mostly because the system was so poorly done that it's hilarious. This game is no exception to this rule, so anyone who disagrees, it's time for us all to gather together and admit it, the Jaguar sucks. I'm not going to go into any history of the Jaguar, nor am I going to go into any great detail about this particular game. I'm not even going to give you the story behind the game itself as you can read the other review for that. I am simply writing this for anyone that actually likes the Jaguar (there are a few good games) and is thinking of picking this game up. I warn you, unless you are purchasing this terrible fighting game for the sake of humor, do not do so!!!!!

Gameplay 1/10

The gameplay for Kasumi Ninja leaves everything to be desired in a fighting game. First off (after bypassing the decent opening screen), you are put into this circular, poorly done room where you ''select your fighter'' (add very very very terrible ''Asian'' voice-over to get the full effect of this direct quote). In this room you only have 2 characters to select from, both with the same exact moves. Simply the same character with the deplorable palette swap trick used in a horde of different games all over the world. They were decent enough to give a different story for each character, but this does not make up for the fact that you have to earn the other characters by defeating them. You may go back and forth between selecting characters as you play along, but anyone used to different fighting games will find it incredibly unawesome that you can only pick two characters to start (and not even two different ones in essence) and then another one here and there as you defeat various opponents. It's very annoying, trust me. And as far as I remember, once you lose one match in the story mode, you have to start over. Foremost in this terrible game are the controls themselves. They are terrible. There is no other way to put it. The bulky Jaguar controller does not make the choppy, unresponsive maneuvers any easier, and the first-time player will find much enjoyment in throwing this game against the wall repeatedly until they get used to the akward controls. This is especially true with the odd feel when you jump your character around or attempt any of the moves. This is not all, fortunately for those of us who love a good laugh, because the game is filled with tons of stupid concepts that attempt to copy basic fighting game ideas while being ''original.'' There are too many to list, but the most evident (and stupid) is the fighter named ''Angus MacGreggor.'' This chap lifts his kilt and says ''eahaha'' (some sort of ''Scottish'' cry) and lets loose a fireball when the player presses the correct buttons. I'm not kidding. It has to be seen to be believed. The moves, as I mentioned, are a little annoying to get used to pulling off, and are nothing interesting in the end. In fact, the player will find that the one character, ''Alaric,'' is the only eon who can really make it completely through the game by using one crouching double-kick over and over again as the computer unable to counter it. The computer itself is killer, and will absolutely destroy you if you attempt moves, which brings us to the next issue.

Difficulty 1/10

There is not much really to say here other than that the game is nearly impossible to beat, even on the easiest setting, and even then you are given the typical ''beat on a higher level'' screen and thus never play the game again. If my memory serves me right, and it may not as I haven't played this game for several months, you have to kill the final boss (another palatte swap of the same two characters you pick in the begining, but this time black instead of green or orange) using a finishing move, and since Alaric seems to be the only character that can make it that far (using that kick I mentioned) and also whose finishing move is the most difficult, you can pretty much forget it.

Originality 1/10

This game is just another MK or SF rip-off, trying to give itself a unique image with various elements that it considers to be its own. These elements, however, are simply retarded. Most noticeable are the absolutely stupid stories behind every character (the one woman is a district attorney and street fighter by night) and the characters themselves. One is a fat American Indian named ''Pakawa'' (I guess the programmers thought this sounded like an ''Indian'' name) whose level features teepees and some horses or something, and who makes some sort of cat cry when he wins. What is his finishing move? You guessed it, he scalps you, as if the game couldn't be any more obvious in this respect. This character even seems to have that ''my son designed this game'' feel to him, and is most likely the grandfather or uncle of one of the people at Atari. This, however, is merely one of the characters you can select, but simply take my word for it, the other ones aren't any better.

Graphics 2/10

I gave this a ''2?'' There is a reason for this, and it is merely one background in particular which is a Buddhist temple of sorts that actually was very well done (Chagi's level). That, of course, is the only redeeming graphical feature in this piece of shawt. Everything else is simply terrible. The characters are bad MK outcasts with that same kind of live action look, but just really, really, really bad. The opening profiles are pretty sick in appearance, and hardly even look like people. Most of them seem to have been sprayed over with a computer paint program or something (look at Angus MacGreggor's beard in particular). As I mentioned, there is one interesting background that is well done, and of course appeared in advertisements for this game, but that's it. Not ''about it,'' that IS it.

Replay Value 1/10 (10/10 if playing with friends who want to laugh)

If you are looking to play Kasumi Ninja by yourself some night for something to do, my suggestion is to instead consider macrame' as you were before thinking of this game. It is not fun to play at all. You simply begin to discover one move for every player that works repeatedly and stick to it. You can't do anything more. And when you finally get to the end and do not pull it off, you will leave this game aside for a good eon or so. However, if you decide to play this game with friends who do not take the Jaguar seriously, you will play it over and over and over again, increasing the hilarity factor by a million every time you pull off a finishing move. Increase this even more by going to the gore setting screen and changing the setting, watching the blood increase as it falls down the screen. I am not sure why my friends and I found this part so humorous, but check it out for yourself if you have finally admitted to yourself that the Jaguar will always be a legendary bomb.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 01/09/03, Updated 01/09/03