Conker's Bad Fur Day

"Take it one down"

When a game consumes your entire summer, abolishes your social life, and is so good that you end up spending more time with it than your family, that's when you know a game is truly amazing. Conker's Bad Fur Day is one of my favorite games of all time and for good reasons. The game offers a unique single-player mode, robust and addictive multiplayer, plus some cheats that add even more fun. What more can you ask for?

Conker came out at the end of the 64's life and it is essentially a farewell to the system courtesy of one of the greatest developers of all time, Rare. The gameplay is a combination of a bunch of popular platforming games with a blend of film parodies added in for good measure.

If you took one look at Conker's gameplay for only a few seconds, you would think, "Oh, what a cute little 3D platformer on the Nintendo 64. It kind of looks like gameplay from Super Mario 64..." then after a few more seconds you will be saying, "Holy ****! That squirrel just jumped on that flower's boobs!”

While it is true that Conker is essentially a traditional 3D platformer, it does add its own touches to the tried-and-true formula. Obviously, jumping is a big part of the game, but Conker can use his tail in a helicopter-like function in order to traverse over large gaps. Not only that, but he can pick up pieces of chocolate floating around to regenerate his health, swim, and jog forever without getting tired. Sounds like your typical kind of game, huh?

Yeah, well that's before you face the boss that is literally a giant mountain of feces. That's before you have to go through a mansion blowing the heads of zombies with a shotgun. That's before you have to go all slow-motion like in the Matrix and put some bullets in some stupid weasels. That's before you have to storm the beaches and blow the hell out of Tediz (evil little teddy bears created by a whacked-out professor). When all of these moments, which obviously give the gameplay plenty of shifts and references a ton of classic movies and video games at the time, come together you are truly awe-inspired.

While some may complain that all of these gameplay changes in each world make the game less consistent (who wants a repetitive game anyway?), there is something is stays true throughout the game and that is the use of “context-sensitive” pads. By going to these pads and pressing B, Conker pulls something out of his pocket and you have to figure out what to do with it in order to progress through the game. You may have to shoot some pesky wasps out of the sky with a slingshot or you may just simply drink some beer, go into a drunken daze, and piss yourself until you're dehydrated. Yeah, your urine can literally be used as a weapon in Conker's Bad Fur Day and frankly, that is awesome.

Oh yeah, and instead of collecting Power Stars or something silly like that, in Conker's Bad Fur Day you collect cold, hard, cash. While you can't use the money on anything but progressing through the game, it is a simple and funny mechanic as it pokes fun at all of those collect-a-thon platformers released for the Nintendo 64 that eventually made a lot of gamers hate these kind of games.

While the single-player mode will definitely give you a lot of gameplay, shocks, and laughs, what really puts meat on the game is the multiplayer modes. While each multiplayer mode only has one level, there is a variety of modes that will keep you busy for months and months and months. That is no exaggeration…I mean, would I really kid about that anyway?

First off, Beach is a multiplayer mode that is one of my favorites. The basic gameplay is that some players play as these little moles who have just arrived on a war-torn beach and are trying to get to safe ground by running to the safety of squirrels who are providing transport. Unfortunately, the Tediz know of their plans, and, controlled by the other players, it is their duty to kill as many moles as possible. The moles are armed with nothing, but can grab some power-ups along the way and there is a big red button they can jump on to blow the Tediz to hell. The Tediz, on the other hand, have a sniper rifle, a bazooka, and a turret at their disposal in order to mow down these moles. In the end, whichever side has the most points wins, and these matches can actually end up being quite lengthy, not to mention extremely addicting.

Raptor is an entirely different game mode. Some players choose to play as cavemen, whose goal is to run around a temple, collect weapons to defend themselves, steal raptor eggs, take the eggs back to their base and throw them into a giant frying pan. You can also choose to play as the raptors and while you can't collect weapons you can literally rip the cavemen apart with their vicious bites. Sounds cool? Well, that's probably because it is.

You know how I mentioned those pesky weasels earlier? Well, they play the part of an Italian mob-stereotype and they have their own little multiplayer mode as well. Heist, which also happens to be amazingly addicting, is played where no players are on a team and everyone is a weasel, but a different color. Your goal is to steal a bag of money and return it to your base. However, while you are carrying the bag of money, you cannot use weapons, but the other players have weapons available to them that range from a baseball bat to a powerful Tommy-gun.

Also available is the standard Deathmatch mode where you can choose from a variety of characters from the game, and even more with cheat codes, though I'm disappointed that Rare didn't make us work for the cheat codes like they did in GoldenEye so using them can sometimes make you feel a little cheap. Anyway, this mode provides the most action and is loads of fun even though there is only one level available to you. Environmental hazards play a big part in the gameplay here as you can press buttons to light your opponents on fire or electrocute them to some satisfying results.

All the previous multiplayer modes are loads of fun, sure, but the one you will spend the most time with is War. Basically, there are two bases, with a group of players playing as the Tediz and another group playing as the squirrels. You will have some A.I. teammates that will help guard the base and also help try to take over the other base. There are a ton of weapons at your disposal, including bazookas, grenades, katanas, and chainsaws. The War doesn't end until everyone is dead and that can end up being a very long time. With so many ways to kill people and so much destruction going on all at once on the screen, you will definitely not be disappointed with this mode. There's not much else I can say to get the point across: this single multiplayer mode, with its one level and all, is worth more than a PlayStation 3 80GB at starting price. I'm not exaggerating.

Tank is another popular multiplayer mode, though I didn't find myself playing it as much as the other modes. Tank is similar to other “tank” themed games released in the past as the basic idea is that you're a tank and you have to destroy everyone else's tank. There are some power-ups for you to pick up including one that forces everyone to retreat to their little safe house or face getting killed instantly.

Finally, the last multiplayer mode, and the least entertaining but still solid, is the Race mode. You play as the cavemen again and the basic idea is that you race over lava in these hoverbike things. The track has plenty of twists and turns and you can knock your opponents of their vehicles by whacking them with a stick. While only providing a distraction for a little while, it is still worth checking out, especially if you are a fan of arcade racing games.

Throughout Conker's Bad Fur Day, the plot definitely parodies plenty of video games and movies, so fans of both mediums can find something to giggle at in this amazing title. Sure the jokes get a little ridiculous sometimes, but no matter how much we want it, nothing is flawless. After getting totally drunk, Conker realizes he doesn't know how to get home and he doesn't want his girlfriend to be mad at him, so he sets off on a journey to get back to his house. Meanwhile, a war is going on between squirrels and Tediz, robotic bears created by an evil professor who has created in them with the intentions of over-throwing the Panther King. The Panther King is a sadistic tyrant who has people killed literally over spilled milk. Of course, Conker gets caught up with the war, thus making him an enemy of the Panther King, and the game takes off from there. While not providing many plot twists, there are definitely some moments in the game that will just make your jaw drop and these moments are worth the entrance fee alone.

For a Nintendo 64 game, Conker's Bad Fur Day is freaking beautiful. The character models are amazing and look like they belong on a sixth-generation console instead of a fifth-generation console. Lots of stuff can happen on the screen at one time, which is awesome, and there is virtually no lagging. The environments look nice and polished without that ugly 64 grainy effect being used at all. Gore is a major factor here and watching someone's head get blown off is still devilishly fun, no matter how many times you see it.

Many people complained that cartridges didn't have much space for audio, which is true, but somehow Rare found a way around this restriction as Conker's Bad Fur Day has a ton of dialogue in it. There is a wide variety of sound effects and unique musical scores in each world, so how in the hell did they do it? On top of all that, the game includes random banter between NPCs, which was uncommon until the sixth-generation, so all of that definitely proves that the Nintendo 64 was fully capable of providing a quality audio experience. Oh yeah, Conker includes a ton of foul language, but some of the words are bleeped out to a rather humorous effect. I could do without the fart and poo jokes, but overall the humor is at a nice level and the parodies found in this game are written wonderfully.

Like I said, Conker's Bad Fur Day consumed months upon months of my life without taking a break to play any other game. The single-player mode was a blast to play through and lasts an acceptable amount of time without ever growing stale, but it would have been nicer if the controls were just a little tighter. The multiplayer, however, is one of the best multiplayer modes I have ever seen as it has a little bit of something for everyone, and this mode will be played a billion times before you get bored. Some cheats will also add to the replayability, but you don't have to use them to be satisfied with this revolutionary title.

I love this game and for good reason. If you want to know everything that rocks about this exceptional platformer, the paragraphs above are here for you, but I'll give you a quick run down of all the high points. The multiplayer is addicting and will last you months, the single player mode is very solid, plus the game is absolutely hilarious. I don't know how anyone could ever dislike such a gem like this. With Microsoft's acquisition of Rare, just imagine what a sequel would be like on the Xbox 360. I can tell you something, that game would be a game worth buying (as long as it wasn't like the terrible Xbox remake…how I loathe thee).

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 06/23/08

Game Release: Conker's Bad Fur Day (US, 03/04/01)