Mystical Ninja starring Goemon

"Mystical Ninja is an entertaining Zelda wanna-be"

How many N64 owners haven't heard of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? Those six words (eight if you include both the's) are some of the sweetest words evern printed on a Nintendo 64 cart, as well as one of the most memorable moments in video game history. As memorable as that was, I bring about perhaps one of the most memorable, poignant, heartfelt sayings of all time.

And now, for something COMPLETELY different....

All right. So Zelda was a major-league success-- IT WAS EXPECTED! Whoop-dee-frickin'-doo! Link is hogging up the spotlight, no doubt, and this document just ain't his place. So we put Zelda to pasture for the time being and discuss something else for now. OK?

Several months earlier, Konami had released Mystical Ninja for the very system that Zelda revitalized (there's that damned name again). Truth to tell, this is the first MN game released in America since the dawn of the Super Nintendo, way back in 1991 (three other MN games were released only for Japan's Super FamiCom), and the second of three released in the west (this was followed by Goemon's Great Adventure). The mutlitudes of people who haven't kept up with the Goemon series, don't ask me to keep you up-to-date with the story, since I'm in the same boat.

All righty. The story goes like this: Two ninjas, Goemon and Ebisumaru, getting kicked out and banned from a store in Tokyo (known then as Edo) after Ebisu', in a mawashi (what sumo wrestlers wear in battle), dances in an attempt for free food. (Gee... I wonder how this could have occurred.) Soon thereafter, they experience a giant momo (peach)-shaped UFO heading for the city's castle. Question is: Who are these goons? Why are they fascinated with taking over Japan? Whose sick fantasy was it to have Ebisu' wearing nothing but a mawashi? How many Japanese characters can I possibly identify without aid? Where can I find a nice steaming hot bowl of ramen? These questions and more will be answered... when Hell freezes over. But join me, now, as we turn the clock back about, oh, 400 years to the era when Edo was the capital of Japan, the zori* and waraji were the hottest style of shoes available, and where the Ginza Strip in Tokyo was just a normal piece of land-- back to the days of futile, er, feudal Japan (nothin' futile 'bout that country, I tell you that). Feudal, futile-- they both sound similar, you know.

In the game, you, the player, take the role of four characters: Goemon, a spiky-haired ninja who uses a (tobacco) pipe and coins to attack; Ebisumaru, who literally has the power to hammer the enemy; Sasuke, a spunky robot who utilizes blades, wears a trench coat similar to those found in film noir, and has a pineapple hairdo; and Yae, a female ninja who can play a mean flute and transform into a mermaid. Outside their special abilities-- all of which necessary-- their regular moves don't differ much at all. There is no multiplayer mode, so you have to switch between them as you see fit, and they all puff up in a cloud of smoke.

Gameplay is simply your normal ''kill all the bad guys and search for the next gate'' stuff, although those who have played Ocarina beforehand will feel that this is obviously an attempt at being a blatant rip-off. Don't be... to say the least, it's VERY different in execution. But, for a bit of variety, there are also added a couple of battles featuring a giant robot named Impact (looks similar to Goemon with a really dopey grin), mixing shoot-'em-ups and fighting elements into the game. And, typical to Japanese fashion regarding these giant robots/mechs, a chintzy two-minute theme song introduces the mech... with chintzy lyrics, too. Unlike those programs recorded on VHS, there's no fast-forward button! (Disney must have had a hand in this game. Oh, CRAP!) Yet, Impact's intro is entertaining, simply for its assembly.

And, since the game is set in Japan, you'll need some knowledge of what structures are of Japanese origin-- the doors slide open instead of swing, girls are known for growing long sideburns ([Ben Stein voice] cuuute), everyone has big eyes, lots of colorful words are used (not swear words, you dummy!) and nothing is too weird for the American imagination (like mine), so you really have to keep an open mind in order to enjoy the game, or, at the very least, be somewhat interested.

Japan's atmospheric representation (having never previously visited) is pretty nice, offering several distinct touches of the country's culture. Townsfolk parade around in traditional Japanese garb, kimonos and such, and those sliding doors whose windows are mere paper are common. Another cool touch is being greeted by after entering a restaurant or store. Insignificant? Maybe, but hearing a kind, warm ''hello'' from the owner(s) is quite satisfying, without all the bells and whistles of being a high Japanese official.

Dungeons are cleverly created with lots of traps, lots of secrets, lots of weird things, and it maintains that distinct Japanese flavor throughout. Speaking of flavors, the most interesting of them all is a submarine inundated with, of all things, soup-- chives and wontons added for even more flavor and, well, flavor. Of course, there are a few snags to be found. Obligatory camera problems are omnipresent during the action scenes. Being programmed to float behind your character, it can makes certain leaps a chore to execute unless the angle is just right.

The dungeons' challenge level wasn't particularly high, since the path throughout is pretty much straightforward. Similar to Zelda, there are maps to be found in the dungeons, as well as one token that exposes the boss' location (rather useless), even a carbon-copy of Link's Pieces of Heart, manekineko (those traditional Japanese cat statues that vow good fortune, in this game, extra health).

(Please note that this is not anywhere close to some of the weirdness MN delivers elsewhere. Some examples: Dragon heads you'd see at a Chinese New Year celebration are present. Fortune teller parlors double as discotheques where one can dance 'til dawn. Disembodied geisha heads spit at you. Ghosts look like kites. And, something that gives me certain unmentionable thoughts, disembodied legs dancing the can-can.)

The audio has its charms as well. Frequent use of Japan-native instruments are used; The orchestration, for some strange reason, game me a nostalgic feeling-- it bears a certain Saturday morning cartoon quality; Definitely enjoyable nostalgia value. Moreso interesting, in spite of the dungeons being dark, the tunage is always upbeat and jazzy-- the game never takes itself seriously at all. I think it's a very good thing. (Possibly, this would be my first experience hearing a Japanese take on the Beach Boys.) There is, however, one gimmick: During the opening segment, like the aforementioned Impact's intro, there is actually a song performed by actual people. Of course, one song-and-dance number has been added fairly late in the game with vocals as well. (Eisner crap again! ACK!)

Quite unfortunately pour moi, however, this finale arrived within only about fifteen hours' work, cold turkey (minimal help from a FAQ/strategy guide). So, there's no question in my mind that this game's a mite too short. I also forgot to mention earlier on in the review that there is a laugh track present. It does move the story along, but the timing for it is wrong, wrong, wrong, having understood and laughed at certain jokes one or two lines in advance; Maybe the audience was a bit too slow-witted to react to the really funny bits. Either that, or I could have miscalculated and laughed before the punch line was given. Oh, well. But to say the game was a vast disappointment would be an overstatement, I was just disappointed to see it end so quickly. (To be honest, I didn't know what to expect, so it ain't a total loss.)

Konami's decision to release the game, Japanese content and all, to America... I'm kinda glad they did it. Thus, Mystical Ninja, even as an EXTREMELY Japanese-themed game, can actually be enjoyable, in spite of the badly-timed, ''should still be left in can'' laughter. Not everyone will be able to comprehend this game, but those of us bred on those cheese-factory 1980's Saturday morning cartoons as children or those who enjoy animé on a regular, fiber-filled basis just might have a ball with it. This game is easily worth considering the name of Zelda Light (many others might consider the game a blatant rip-off, though), but Goemon's still got the power to hold its own against Link. Just don't expect a serious game, but instead a light-hearted romp through the Feudal Japanese era, add some water, and you'll be fine.

*AKA ''flip-flops''. This form of sandal was imported from the Japanese. I prefer the western style sandals that have adjustable ankle straps, though.

Reviewer's Score: 7/10, Originally Posted: 02/16/01, Updated 10/26/01