Mystical Ninja starring Goemon

"Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive game-over dancing Konami, bring me the sexy green-haired ninja-girl, I will continue the adventure"

In case you are wondering, the sexy green haired Ninja is Yae, one of the four controllable characters (and the one I used most often as I felt she was the best all-rounder, although I had to change constantly to use the other's skills.) in this mystical platformer with a hint of RPG. And it's all thoroughly Japanese. Brilliant.

The story is surprisingly normal. At first. A Peach-shaped UFO flies over Japan and lands on Oedo castle, some music corporation wants to steal- Yes!- the great stage plan! So you (goemon and Ebismaru, both playable from the beginning, and the latter wearing a thong at first) are sent to go to Oedo castle and stop the madness. The plot takes many twists and turns throughout the game, but I won't spoil them. What I will say, is that the way the plot does advance, and the character dialogue, is a big breath of fresh air after stale platformer storylines and pretentious RPG yarns.

Ebismaru only has one attack at first (the saw hammer) but later in the game he'll get upgrades to his hammer. He'll also get a camera which, as in real life, is for solidifying ghosts. Goemon can use his money as grenades (although I mainly stuck to his main weapon) The pipe is the most useful, it's quick and strong. The chain pipe which you get later in the game is a bit like the thing batman uses to get up onto roofs, you know, the hook on a string. Combat is a big part in this game, and is sometimes a little tiresome. Castles will see you trekking through room after room full of enemies just to retrieve a key in the last room. Then you must go all the way back through those rooms, where the enemies have re-generated.

And while I'm doing faults of the game, I'll point out another one (Although this may seem nothing to some people, including wisened and patient RPG fans). The game is a long one and will last a while, but real hours could be shaved off if there wasn't so much walking. I'm not talking the grand splendor of Zelda:Oot's Hyrule field, I mean just plain boring walking. Between towns and castles there are long stretches of fields, maybe a mountain or lake thrown in to add variety. These fields (and most mountains and lakes) are just long paths with enemies on. The enemies are all incredibly easy to beat, so the paths are just terribly long runs (I'm talking 5 minutes without the patches of enemies, then it's doubled) This doesn't sound like a lot, but it is, and it's pointless. Luckily the sections in between these 'hikes' are brilliant, and make up for it.

This is, at heart, a big platformer. The 'hint of RPG' that I mentioned comes in the form of it being a huge sprawling adventure. There are also other touches such as item buying, going in a lot of people's houses to talk to them, and stuff that I have come to know to be RPG cliches. One of these is a huge dragon who (when you beat the dementor on it's back) will fly you to anywhere in Japan that you've visited (A feature I seem to remember being in Secret of Mana on SNES). This will please those who don't like straight platformers but also don't want an over-complicated journey through orc forests and 'dungeons' as they are called. The platforming elements shine through though, jump and chain-pipe your way over lots of platforms, some of them half submerged in water, some of them moving. Journey through rooms of cute enemies and fight big bosses. It's all done very well though, it may not break the rules of platforming but it's all fun and is more rewarding than most. Yes, many shiny objects will be laden upon you to help your journey, some of them only certain characters can use.

This was the first multi-character adventure on the N64 I believe, and it's handled very well. Making sure to add lots of tasks that will require Sazuke's flying magic power or Ebismeru's camera, so that you don't just go through the game with the all-rounder Goemon (Although I still 'feel' Yae is better, she can swim too). And all of the character specific objectives are full of the endearing Oriental madness that makes me love this game. Ebismeru, for example, must get into a cupboard where you must collect 8 of the shrinking pills that fall from the ceiling. At certain intervals, the cupboard door will open and a large face will look in, if you don't hide behind one of the salt mills, you will anger the man, and he will rain bombs down from the ceiling to harm you. I really don't understand how people can't like things when they're as bizarre as that? And I think it's for the best that the game doesn't explain exactly how things rain down from the ceiling, and why the large man gets angry on sighting you.

I won't waste space by explaining any of them in full, but there are plenty of other tasks and sub-games that match and beat the surreal quality of the huge man and cupboard game. Colour-coded fishing, log-fighting and..... Well I think I'll leave it there, because if you've got a nintendo 64 and any sense, you'll want to play this game.

The last thing I will mention about the gameplay is goemon impact. This is a famous dancing celebrity in the game, it is also a huge robot who towers above, and crushes, villages. At a couple of points in the game you are given control of him, to kill a robot or some such evil being. First you are given a little assault course to get through (jump over the rivers, step on all the houses etc) then when you fight the monster/robot, it's a bit like a first person boxing match, and immensely enjoyable. The Goemon Impact sections of the game are real highlights and it's a shame you can't replay them at will.

The graphics aren't impressive now in the light of later N64 adventures, but are still bright and colourful. And considering this was released in the first year of the console's life, the large playing world is immensely detailed, well designed and charmingly animated, if a little garish. The low polygon characters are a little dated but still hilariously animated. The game is worth the asking price alone to see the way Ebismaru runs.

I've always been fond of the sound. The main theme that runs in the between areas (the ones with a lot of walking) is extremely catchy, also it's not cute like most platform themes. Also, this sounds stupid, but it sounds kind of wise (I can't think of any other way to describe it). The rest of the themes are a mix of cute, catchy and oriental. Some of them could do with being longer, so they don't loop as much, but as a whole they work well. There are sampled voices in the game, all, fantastically, in Japanese and all thoroughly energetic. Some of the battle cries from our heroes are genuinely disturbing, I don't know what they mean, but I'd certainly consider shouting them were I ever in Japan. Scaring foreigners is always fun.

So I've described that the gameplay is solid and mainly hilarious fun, the sounds and graphics are above-average and technically impressive, but that's not why it got a 9. It got a 9 because of other little touches that you just have to love. The fact that a narrator will come in when he's not needed and spout off random dramatic lines, also the fact that he's an elephant. The fact that a sitcom style laugh-track will sound at completely inopportune moments in the cut scenes. Also that the villain is some sort of cross-dressing stage-performer, who greets you with a camp 'Ooooohm' every time you meet. The fact that Ebismaru has a 'thong dance' that he thinks will intimidate his enemies. I could go on for paragraphs about why this game is so confusingly brilliant (And I technically have). But I think I've given you enough of an idea of Mystical Ninja, and hopefully you'll be seeking out a copy. It will last you a long while, and you won't be trading it in afterwards. Lastly, I don't ACTUALLY find computer game characters sexy, that was just something to spice up the tagline, but it worked eh?

Bruce Lee!
+ Endearingly Bizarre
+ Compelling tasks and story
+ Decent level design
+ Lots of variations in gameplay
+ Occasionally tough, and long-lasting overall
+ Detailed and colourful graphics
+ Catchy tunes and superb Japanese speech
+ Solid platforming action
+ Multi-character system well-utilized

Karate Kid!
- Stubborn camera
- Too much eventless walking
- Doesn't break the mould platforming wise
- Too bizarre for some?
- Too much simple combat

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 08/21/01, Updated 08/21/01