Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage

"I wish I could wash the taste out of my mouth."

You know, I was roaming around in Blockbuster, discouraged that they had absolutely nothing in-stock that I wanted to play. So, I rented Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage. It made me think that there is no hope for humanity.

Granted, my mother kind of liked it. But, then again, one of her all-time favorite games was ''E.T.'' for the Atari 2600. And that's considered one of the worst games of all time.

If any of you have seen Nicholas Cage in ''8mm,'' you remember the quote: ''There are some things, that once you have seen, you can't 'un-see,' no matter how much you wish you could.'' My God, I wish I could un-see this game. It is that lame. Some of the truly awful parts of it still haunt the darkest and most twisted corners of my dreams. I still wake up screaming, seeing the hero's twisted, malformed face standing over me, walking in a bizarre way, just like in the game.

Graphics: After seeing the graphics for this, I thought I was playing some new Tetris RPG, what with all the blocks on the screen. You would think all of the characters are wooden puppets, the way they walk, and with all of the sharp points sticking out. At least E.T. for the 2600 had graphics which you could recognize as MEANING something. 1/10.

Sound: I'm not sure if it was the hearing loss caused by my ear infection, or just the fact that this game has no music. Either way, somehow, I could hear the pathetic clangs and death screams. My mother thought the music was pretty awful, which--- thank God--- I couldn't hear. 1/10.

Gameplay: I could move this guy around better by smashing the controller against the dog dish. In fact, that's how I got through the first battle. The battle system is lame, and tough to figure out at first--- not that you'd want to learn. 2/10.

Replayability: I couldn't sit through five minutes of this garbage, let alone another entire play-through. The only replayability you'll get from this game, is if you play it, and then use it to protect your floor from a cat, giving birth.

Overall: I think that the ''let's feed this game to the dog'' game was alot more fun. Seriously, this game is a waste of however many silicon chips and cheap plastic cases they had to use to make it. 1/10.

Buy/Rent?: Neither. If you put this in your N64, don't blame me if you later have to exorcise the demons from it. I wasted $3.50 on renting this game, and it goes back to Blockbuster, barely played.

*runs to use the mouthwash...*

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 09/10/01, Updated 09/10/01