"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Making Mischief"

I'll admit it; Mischief Makers charmed me. I wasn't expecting much when I picked up the dusty cartridge at a local pawn shop, and expecting even less when I first saw the title screen; cute drawings have never tricked me into liking a game before, and I refused to let it happen this time. I wasn't expecting to like the game. I wasn't expecting to become addicted. I wasn't ready to fall in love.

But I did. This game, and the deceptively seductive main character, became a huge obsession in my life, an addiction that I could never let go, and a burden that I put before sleep, before food, before the outside world; none of THEM could ever possibly match the chill sent down my spine when I played the amazing side scrolling adventure hidden within ''Mischeif Makers,'' and, as such, wasting time with them was... well... a waste of time. In the three weeks following the purchase of the game, I left my room a total of 3 times - once for a slice of cheesecake and twice two replace my controller – eventually stopping for good, but only when I had beaten it and collected every darned little gold gem icon that the little gem of a game had to offer.

Now... a review; those not seeking a review should stop here.

Story: You play as a robot, a feminine robot named Marina, who comes straight out of a Backstreet Boy’s video; God must’ve spent a little more time on this beatific example of beauty in robot form. Apparently, the robot’s creator has been kidnapped by the evil forces of the suspiciously circular Clancer army… or something like that…

Look, the story isn’t really all too important, it’s the overall theme that matters; in order for somebody to understand a fine piece of literature like this, one must look into the deeper meaning, far beyond the characters, far beyond the setting, far beyond a simple plot.
That theme? Robots rule. Duh.

Gameplay:10: The simple English language could not even hope to express the engaging gameplay found in ''Mischeif Makers''' magical cartridge. The levels are of the basic side-scrolling kind, but, instead of being filled with easily killed enemies and barely reachable ledges, but are instead filled to the rim with interesting puzzles, Non-Playable-Townspeople, and, above all, tons of ''shake-shake''ing action (Yeah, ''shake-shake''ing. You got a problem with it?), the latter of which being the most important. You see, every person, every villager, every item, and every flower is interactive. You can pick it up, throw it 'round, engage a four-step waltz with it, and, most ingeniously, you can shake it. This shaking comes into account in all parts of the game (i.e. shake a pot to reveal what's inside, shake a kitten to make her cry [hehehehee], shake the townsfolk to rip off their hard-earned gems; it's all good), leading to a climax in the most amazing thing I've ever seen; the definitive battle of machine vs. nature, decided by a dodgeball match. The game is chock full of the goofball humor that we've all come to expect from Treasure, and, while that really doesn't add to the gameplay, it certainly adds to the overall experience. So I put it here. So nyeah-nyeah.

Control: 7: Very complicated. You wouldn’t understand. Just go back and read the story again or something.

Audio:9: The music in the Mischief Makers isn't the kind to get all in a hizzy-tizzy over, but it does keep a continually catchy beat throughout and it fits the happy ambiance of the game perfectly. And it's so demonically overpowering that it just may stick in your head worse than a big 'ol head sticker thingy (bear with me here... I'm very tired, and so very, very lonely...)

The hallmark of the game's audio aren’t the musical nuances, though. No, the real aural pleasure in the game rests in the superb voice-over work. Sure, you could say that there’s actually only one voice sample in the game. Sure, you could dismiss that single voice sample as not a voice at all, but treat it as a mechanic-sounding string of bloops and beeps. Sure, you could pass it off as a poorly slapped-together bit of repetitive text, and leave it at that. But all of that would mean that you’re just too shallow to understand it’s divinity. The bit I speak of? The godly utterances of “shake-shake” that eminates from your character’s sweet, mechanical voicebox and into your unworthy ears every time you clumsy, mortal fingers stumble around in the right combination of movements in order to make Marina shake a being far lesser than she. If you can find nothing good about this, than you will never find anything good about life, you good-for-nothing cynic. You may leave my review. Go away, you undeserving heathen.

Graphics:10: Every potion in this game is beautiful. Every matrix, every action, every shake, every hug, every loving sweep, every pixel, from Marina’s plush red lips to her tight little robotic ass, is, simply put, gorgeous. The backgrounds look as if they have been hand-drawn with anxious and expert care by a legion of sweatshop-bound youths. The foregrounds are of equal marvel, and will make even the greatest skeptics of 2-D gameplay squeal in approval. The incredibly sexy robot, Marina, is animated as fluidly as anything seen in real life, and her friends mirror her perfection in almost every way. Almost; none of them can ever hope to be as sensual as the lovely Marina.

Potato Judgement Call: 6: On a scale of potato dishes (potato salad being the lowest, curly fries being the highest, and Arby's potato cakes being average), this game receives a steaming helping of curly fries, if only for Marina’s graphical benevolence and the doubtless layers of soulful beauty that rest deep within her artificial soul.

The final word: stains. White hot grease stains of pure entertainment are what you will find when you pick up this beauty of a dilly of a pickle. So go buy it from a pawn shop or something. Or I’m gonna come and get you. Really.

Come for the sheer AWESOMENESS of gameplay, stay for the undeniably seductive robots.

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 09/26/01, Updated 09/26/01