Jet Force Gemini

"This is for the creeps who bought ant farms only to starve and kill the ants."

I’ll admit it. I have gotten an ant farm only to smash them and starve them. It is rather fun to watch them curl up into little balls when the die, and I can just picture them going “Feed me! Feed me!” Who hasn’t tortured ants in some way? The magnifying glass is my all time most favorite way to destroy ants. Getting just the right light to burn the little suckers was hard, but he the delightful sizzle of the ants melting was ultimately rewarding. Another one of my personal favorite ways to kill ants is to hunt down the BIG ones, and cut them in half with scissors or a knife. I really like stomping on them and watching them run around really fast, too. What does this have to do with the game, you ask? Imagine yourself on a world with life sized ants that carry around weapons of dangerous capabilities. Imagine yourself with a hoard of weapons such as rocket launchers, mines, pistols, and throwing stars. Now, if you had all of those weapons on a planet with ants that want to kill you, what would you do? Yeah, me too.

Canned cheese, but very yummy canned cheese.
The story line is pure cheese. The Jet Force Gemini, a troop of intergalactic heroes, has been repeatedly attacked by this new threat, Mizar. Mizar is one big, bad bug with a huge army of ant drones. Mizar launches an assault on the JFG ships, and destroys most of them. Juno, his sister Vela, and their dog Lupus are flying around in their super cool spaceship when the alarm goes off. Vela checks the computer monitor, and sees that a Drone Ship has boarded their ship! Vela tells Juno, and he grabs a machine gun and runs down the ship’s hallway only to be surprised by many ant drones. Juno manages to take a lot of them down, and tells Vela and Lupus to abandon the ship and go off in the escape pods. They do so, and when there is a lull in the ant drones waves, Juno escapes in a pod, too. He lands on the forest planet Goldwood, and meets King Jeff of the Tribals. King Jeff tells Juno that the Tribals, a peaceful bear like race, have been captured by Mizar. The Tribals are being used to do work for Mizar, or are just going to be killed for the fun of it. Sadly, ants are all over the neighboring planets, and so are the sad little Tribals. Jeff orders Juno to go destroy Mizar, and rescue as many Tribals as he can in the process. Jeff also tells Juno that his own brother Barry is missing… Jeff tells Juno to keep an eye out for him too. With that, Juno sets off to find his missing teammates, destroy Mizar, find Barry, and rescue the Tribal race. The story line is so cheesy that is funny.
STORY SCORE (10/10)

Apparently, Disco is a hit among those of the ant drone culture.
Playing as Juno, Vela, or Lupus you must rescue the Tribals and destroy the intergalactic bug, Mizar. At first, only Juno is available to play. But as you progress through his levels, you’ll find Vela, and she becomes available to play. Progress through her levels, and you’ll find the team dog, Lupus. Lupus is a character and an invaluable member of JFG, so of course you can play as him. When you find a character, you have the instant option of starting to play his or her levels, or continue with the character that you are using now. This adds a very non-linear, pleasurable experience in the game. As you make your way to Mizar, you’ll find various weapons that help you destroy ant drones such as throwing stars and… fish food? You heard me. You get fish food for a weapon. Any way, the planets are all surprisingly unique and have different landscapes and enemies to watch out for. My favorite planet, the battle station Ichor, has a Big Bug Fun Club that ant drones go to when they want to party. Inside the Big Bug Fun Club you’ll find a disco dance floor complete with dancing drones, and what sounds like “Staying Alive” playing in the background. RARE makes the Big Bug Fun Club even better by allowing us to talk to the DJ and change the music to many different tunes, ranging from a reggae tune to a hard rock riff. Now, back to the topic of the ant drones… I was very surprised at the reaction some of the gave me. I managed to get two ants to start to shoot at each other by sniping one. One ant thought it was the other that shot them, and they both began to fire rounds at each other. Speaking of shooting, when you come across them, shoot them and beautiful blood splatters out from their body. Shoot off their head and collect it to open up secrets. Or, you can go the other way and collect Tribal’s heads… Oh yes, the little Tribal bastards… when I first played through the game, I thought that rescuing them wasn’t a big thing. Then, I got to the end of the game and realized that I needed to rescue EVERY single Tribal in the whole game. This makes the game a little more tedious then it should be, but if you are compelled to do so you’ll spend hours trying to rescue the little guys.
GAMEPLAY SCORE (9/10)

Looks better then I thought it would.
The game’s graphics look beautiful. Probably the best display of graphics comes from Tawfret, a swampy, murky level. On that planet, there is a constant downpour of rain and thunder that showcases the game’s superior lighting effects. The game moves without a hint of slowdown or a drop in frame rate. The blood squirted from the Tribals and ant drones is wonderful to watch. You’ll be laughing in guilty pleasure as you “accidentally” shoot a Tribal and blood squirts out of it. The way Juno and Vela walk is… er… odd, to say the least. When you move them, their feet move all the way up and seem to touch their butt. Other then that funky walking, the graphics are top notch.
GRAPHICS SCORE (9/10)

*BOOM BOOM* Hahaha! Eat that rocket you bastard! *SPLAT*
The almost constant grunts of Vela, Lupus, and Juno get a little annoying after a while, but you’ll learn to tune it out. The planet’s music fit the atmosphere perfectly. The explosion of rockets and the firing of the machine gun sounds like it would in real life. An added touch was when you shot an ant, it screams in pain. The Tribals do the same. The music is surprisingly tense, and even made me break a sweat during the last boss battle. My favorite bit of sound effects? I love the scream of pain that the ants and Tribals let out when I shoot them.
AUDIO SCORE (10/10)

Wait… no… camera, stay there! Wait! I forgot what to press!
Control requires a steep learning curve. The control is definitely not pick up and play, but rather pick up and practice for weeks and play. The control layout is pretty wonky, but once you start to practice you’ll have it down fast.
CONTROL SCORE (5/10)

Apparently these ants know how to make a game with replay value.
Collecting the ant heads reveals secrets that you can use in the game. Plus, the game has a fairly good multiplayer with many modes available to play. If you have the guts and stamina, you might decide to go win all the robot medals with help of a certain friend…
REPLAY VALUE (10/10)

NOTES:
Looky here! Notes!
Despite the wonky control, JFG is an outstanding game.
Since you took the time to read the review, go smash some ants for the hell of it.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 10/14/01, Updated 10/14/01