Conker's Bad Fur Day

"Open your eyes."

Every year in the April issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly, the editors squeeze in one April Fool's joke. In their April 2000 issue, EGM's joke was that Mattel was re-entering the video games hardware market with a new system - The Giga Intellivision. While most readers quickly realized that this little newsbit was a hoax, there were many who thought a different article in the magazine was the April Fool's joke.

You see, elsewhere in the magazine there was a short little article about the oft-delayed Conker 64. In the article, EGM claimed that Conker 64, a game that was originally designed to be an extremely ''cute'' 3D adventure/platformer, was transformed into Conker's Bad Fur Day, a raunchy and M-rated 3D adventure game. Despite EGM stating at the beginning of the article that Conker's Bad Fur Day (CBFD) was not the joke, many still believed it was. They had trouble accepting the fact that Rare, a company typically known for its ''kiddy'' 3D games, was going to try something new.

Well folks, Rare did try something new. However, the resulting game isn't as good as one might think. Conker's Bad Fur Day definitely gets points for effort, but it comes up short in the end.

CBFD features one of the stupidest and most pointless stories that I have ever seen in a video game. Things start off with Conker, the game's lead character (a red squirrel), getting drunk at the local ''Cock and Plucker'' bar. He wanders around, wasted out of his mind, until he runs into a drunken scarecrow named Birdy. Birdy explains the game's rules to Conker, and Conker leaves Birdy's area shortly after.

A little later in the game, an evil character known as the Panther King is introduced. The King has one recurring problem - his cup of milk keeps falling off his three-legged table. The King demands his resident scientist to figure out why the milk keeps falling off the table. After a few experiments, the weasel scientist comes to the conclusion that a red squirrel is needed to keep the table steady. So basically the story is that Conker is wandering around drunk doing tasks for other characters while a bunch of the Panther King's weasel henchmen search for a red squirrel (Conker). The plot makes absolutely no sense and is non-existant throughout most of the game. I don't know why Rare even bothered to throw in such a half-assed story.

Although the story that surrounds them is lame, CBFD does feature some pretty amusing characters. Throughout the game, you will meet up with foul-mouthed dung beetles, a giant mountain of poo, a suicidal pitchfork, and a big-breasted sunflower, just to name a few. Each character has their own personality, complete with top notch voice acting (more on that later).

As evidenced by the characters you meet up with, CBFD is not exactly the cleanest game around. The game is full of poo jokes and toilet humor. One of the biggest areas of the game is a land made of poo. When you walk through that area, flatulant noises go off in the background. If poo jokes are your cup of tea, you'll be laughing quite often while playing CBFD. If you don't care for poo jokes (like me), you will rarely laugh since there is a reference to feces/urine nearly everywhere you go. How much you enjoy CBFD's jokes depends on your sense of humor, obviously.

One thing Conker's Bad Fur Day has going for it is an easy to use control system. The analog stick is used to move, the A button is used to jump, the B button is used to attack, and the C buttons are used to rotate the camera. Conker can also perform a ''helicoptery tail thing'' by pressing the A button once and then pressing and holding the button a second time. Essentially, this action allows Conker to fly and get to tough-to-reach places.

Scattered throughout each area of the game are ''context sensitive'' pads. A pad's function is activated by pressing the B button. What happens when you press B depends on where you are in the game. For example, one such B pad has you pull out a slingshot to try and kill some pesky dung beetles. Another B pad will have you pull out a clock to hypnotize a wild dinosaur. As the name suggests, each pad is sensitive to the context, so each pad offers something different. The context sensitive pads, as well as the rest of the controls, are very well done and they are a bright spot of the game.

While you are exploring through the Graveyard Land, Poo Mountain, and the other areas of the game, you are bound to die a few times. Most of the time your deaths will not be at your fault - the defective camera will be to blame. Even though you have the option to rotate the camera manually, the game's camera system is downright awful. You will lose many lives due to the horrible camera angles. Frequently losing lives leads to frustration which in turn leads to no fun. You will probably shut the game off in anger more than a few times because of the camera. It's terrible.

Another one of CBFD's downfalls is the fact that you can get lost very easy. If you manage to make it through the game without getting lost at all, consider yourself lucky. Most of the time you will be wandering around aimlessly, hoping to trigger a cutscene or something to get to the next part of the game. A walkthrough is very helpful while playing CBFD.

While I'm pointing out flaws in CBFD, I must mention the uber-annoying introduction that is played every time the game is booted up. Instead of simple Rare and Nintendo logos, you are forced to sit through a cutscene where Conker attacks the logos with a chainsaw. This little cutscene is amusing at first, but it gets old after the second or third time watching. The worst thing is that it is impossible to skip. What a boneheaded move by Rare.

Apart from the main mode of CBFD, there is also a multiplayer mode. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to play multiplayer since I only have one controller.

Visually, Conker's Bad Fur Day is absolutely fantastic. The sheer amount of colors and detail put into the game is amazing. This is the cream of the crop when it comes to the Nintendo 64's graphics. Sure, there are still blurry textures and rough polygons in some spots, but overall the game looks wonderful.

The game's audio is also very well done. Every character has their own speech implemented onto the cartridge, and the voice acting is surprisingly excellent. The music used throughout the game is also exceptional. Each track fits the area perfectly. For example, when you enter a night club, techno music is played. When you are at the ''portal'' of the game (the piece of land linking the other areas together), a soothing music track is used. The combination of outstanding voice acting and great music makes the sound one of Conker's best assets.

While Conker's Bad Fur Day offers a lot of interesting material, I just didn't enjoy it as much as everyone else. The lame poo jokes, the godawful camera, the fact that it's too easy to get lost, and the annoying introduction were just too much to ignore. I will give the game props for its superb audio/visuals, and its easy to use controls, but the overall game is too flawed to get anything greater than a six. If you're a fan of poo jokes and don't mind using a dastardly camera, get CBFD. For the rest of you, stay away.

6

Best Feature - The audio/visual departments.
Worst Feature - DIE, YOU EVIL CAMERA!

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 10/28/02, Updated 10/28/02