Mario Kart 64

"It's like Mario Kart, but without the fun or point. Avoid like the plague."

Approximately 64 times worse than Mario Kart on the SNES.

Graphics: 4/10

In two words, damn ugly. While the menus look relatively fine, in-game it all falls to pieces. While I realise that this is an N64 launch title and it's trying to be all clever with its use of polygons, surely they could have had a bit of detail? Starfox on the SNES had more clarity at times. But the real horror story isn't in the environments- it's in the characters. Instead of using 3D models, Nintendo have opted for grainy digitised sprites, which look absolutely awful. They look blocky on large TVs, and have little animation or detail. They don't look right on a 3D playing field, and I doubt they would look much better on a 2D one.

The N64 gets to show off its transparency effects on the Rainbow Road level, but to balance this good looking element, the anti-aliasing has been cranked up. This means that everything looks all washed out and foggy, like a lot of N64 games. Yuck.

Sound: 2/10

''Welcome to-a Ma-rio Ka-rt!'' booms Mario. And it's all downhill from there. Mario's speech accompanies all your major menu actions, and goes from impressive to annoying in approximately 2 seconds. The music is no better, and certainly not worth listening to. I could waste a lot of time insulting the music and telling you how much it sucks, but it's boring for you to read as it is for me to write. So I'll skip to the gameplay and pick holes in it instead.

Gameplay: 5/10

Mario Kart on the SNES is surely one of the finest racing games ever made. Stunning (for the time) Mode-7 graphics and fun gameplay make a great gameplay experience. But somewhere in the transition, things have gone horribly awry.

Firstly, the handling. Mario Kart's was tight, responsive, and intuitive. Using the L and R triggers to powerslide proved a masterstroke in design. But on the 64, you don't need to use the triggers- the kart slides on every turn, regardless of how much you push the controller. The phrase 'like a turd down an oily slide' springs to mind here. You never feel truly in control of the kart and spend most of the level skidding from side to side. This would be alright in 'Mario Kart goes to the Ice Rink' but here, it smacks of rushed design.

The whole game feels like it was rushed in order to be released for the N64's launch. Track designs are just boring- some, like Wario Stadium and Rainbow Road, are far too large. In a perfect world circuits would be small, tight and fast to get some excitement out of racing. But in Mario Kart 64 tracks are large and wide, completely the opposite. There's no point in finding a racing line, as every part of the track is utterly useless for lining yourself up for the next turn. The characters on offer on the standard Nintendo fare- Mario and the gang, but none of them feel significantly different to the others.

That is of course, until you step into arguably the worst part of the game, the single-player cup races. Here the computer AI is noticeably different to the karts you control, because it is infallible. Drive at top speed without any loss in speed, and the computer will overtake you anyway using AI powers. If you start to pull away, you'll find yourself being struck by lightning and fading to the back of the pack. This would be all well and good if there was some skill involved, some way to dodge attacks and retaliate with your own, but you are constantly singled out by the AI and picked on. It's unfair. The computer will always follow the same route around each course anyway, which is strange. I thought the term 'Artificial Intelligence' actually suggested some intelligence. Their racing lines are also stupid, because they can travel at insane speeds where you cannot, and slow down at the weirdest places. Again, rushed design.

The main feature of Mario Kart 64 is obviously its multiplayer mode- 4 players can go head to head in a race or in a battle. It's sad then, that this also turns out to be crap. The same basic, bland gameplay remains the same. I had hoped that the removal of the shallow AI would save Mario Kart 64 from complete failure, but this isn't the case. Why bother with dull racing like this, when you can play something like multiplayer Goldeneye instead? The battle mode is too tough and the battles last too long to be anything other than a quick gimmick which will wear thin quicker than a pair of counterfeit jeans.

In the transition from SNES to N64, Nintendo managed to remove and destroy everything which made the SNES version good. So congratulations are in order. Those looking for a decent game, however, will be very disappointed.

Lastability 7/10

If you ever feel the need to play Mario Kart 64, for whatever reason, you'll find lots of courses to play on. The multiplayer battle almost makes up for the shortcomings of the rest of the game...but not quite. There are also lots of trophies to collect- not my idea of a good time, but they are still there. With 3 similarly minded friends (read: dumb) Mario Kart 64 could potentially last a lifetime. If I was in your position, I would spend the time searching for the old SNES again.

Overall

A two-fingered salute to one of the best racing games ever, a gimmicky cash in on an old franchise, and a dire one at that. Stick to the SNES version instead, because it's better in every way imaginable.

53%

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 05/19/03, Updated 05/19/03