Earthworm Jim 3D

"Pork Boarding!"

I have had the pleasure of being able to play and enjoy Earthworm Jim 2. Not so with Earthworm Jim 1, but from what I’ve heard from other fellow gamers, it will most likely be more enjoyable and worthwhile than playing this game, Earthworm Jim 3D. Owning EJ3D isn’t too bad, if you’re willing to shell out no more than twenty dollars for the piece. I possess my own copy, but needless to say, I grossly overpaid. Now I will explain the method behind the madness of Earthworm Jim 3D.

Storyline- In all actuality, there’s little to say about the story of EJ3D. Everything is laid out to you within the first minute of starting a new game. Our little annelid, Jim, took a shot in the dome by a large bovine, and now he’s lost his marbles. It’s your job as his brave super-ego to regain Jim’s marbles and revitalize his cranium before the outside world goes insane. However, getting the marbles and udders won’t be easy, as the usual suspects (Psycrow, Fatty Roswell, and others) have taken the shiny spheres and golden glands for their own personal use. A simple storyline using cliché characters and situations, but a plot twist or two tries to redeem the shallow narrative. Rating: 4/10

Music and Sound Effects- Considering the massive numbers of games I’ve played in my lifetime, the music isn’t quite bad. However, the length of the musical play is extremely short, so you’ll often hear the same tune in the same stage at least ten times. Programmers did give some consideration, however… in some areas, there is no music, only sound effects. Just enough to save you from going insane, especially after playing through “Are You Hungry Tonite?” for an hour. I must criticize, however, the extreme overuse of the accordion. As for sound effects, nothing is left to be desired, but as with the music, Jim’s comments and the sounds of the stage tend to suffer from repetition. Rating: 5/10

Graphics- I shall be ruling this game in terms of the capabilities of the Nintendo 64. As with the other Earthworm Jim games, the characters were drawn to be very comical, as intended. Jim’s superego could have used a slight facelift, as he appears very bulky and not suave, like the lovable worm that we all recognize. Other characters, for example the piranha fish, are very blocky and could have been drawn with a bit more texture. Rating: 7/10

Gameplay- The first time ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, plays this game, he’ll be thinking, “How am I supposed to get through this stage with a perfect score and NOT die?” The controls are a bad mix between a first-person shooter and Super Mario 64’s control style. Several times in the game you’ll want to swing your camera around 180 degrees and it simply won’t work. This game suffers greatly from incomplete camera rotations. When using the sniper feature, you are forced to stand in one position, leaving yourself vulnerable to any and every quick attack around you. It’s tough to get a good shot off in sniper mode without getting charred, scarred, and beaten to a pulp. Two of the ten game stages are almost impossible to achieve a perfect run-through. Worst of all is controlling the porkboard. I cannot possibly stress how many times I died trying to beat each boss on my first play-through. Firing missiles is an art form, and there’s a very narrow margin of error in range, and if you consistently miss that range, say goodbye to Jim.

If you do manage to complete a perfect game, the second play will seem extremely easy. However, those two tough stages will still seem just as impossible each time you enter it. There is a “Hard Mode” that can be unlocked, and I’ve only been able to complete the first four stages. EJ3D is only for the disciplined action/adventure masters, and hard mode is only for the psychotic. Rating: 5/10

Replay Value- Earthworm Jim 3D is really only worth playing through twice. First play is to survive, and the second play is just to see how much easier the game is the second time around. Other than unlocking Hard Mode, there are no real extras to speak of. Rating: 4/10

There you have it, friends, Earthworm Jim 3D in a nutshell. Or maybe a refrigerator… oh well, you’ll understand if you play the first level. Overall, EJ3D begins with simplicity, then plunges into total challenge, chaos, and disorder by game’s end. For the hardcore action players, buy the game for cheap or make a few long rentals out of it. Even the largest gaming junkie will find it rough finishing within a few days. As for Earthworm Jim fans, settle on leaving this game on the shelf. You’ll be more than disappointed. Overall Score: 5/10

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 12/24/03