Chameleon Twist 2

"Stick to geckos, these chameleons suck!"

It all started when I was walking through a rental store. I got tired of renting the same games over and over again. I looked around for something that raised my eye. After ten minutes of looking, I found "Chameleon Twist 2" sitting on the shelf. It box art looked pretty neat. I couldn't find anything that looked better for ten minutes. I began to think to myself that it might be a great game. I thought I would have a great time playing when I got home. I wonder what possessed me to rent that garbage. I learned never to judge a book by its cover the hard way. Your Nintendo 64 is a sacred shrine. Chameleon Twist 2 is a prime example of what's not worthy enough to grace the Nintendo 64. Chameleon Twist 2 is just like the village idiot of the Nintendo 64 library.

If you want a quick idea of how bad this game is, I will tell you a fast story of how this game was ever developed.

Once upon a time, a second-rate game executive finished playing "Yoshi's Story" and had an evil plan to rip it off in 3-D. But, being a second rate executive, he had all the necessary equipment, but he needed was some employees to hire without spending too much money. He hired a hobo from the street next to his building to write his story, a random psycho that escaped the local asylum to create gameplay elements, a two-year old to compose and conduct the music, and twenty monkeys in comas he borrowed from his local zoo to work on the graphic art. Three days later, the game was finally slapped together and the second-rate game executive threatened to kill the Nintendo employees if the game wasn't licenced. The game got unwillingly licensed by Nintendo.

The reason this game deserved such a bad introduction is because it is that bad. My six year-old cousin wouldn't touch it and he loves any game he can get his hands on. He put on gloves to pick it up and throw it away as fast as he could. After he threw it away, he wanted somebody to burn his hands to purify them because the game was horrible contaminated.

Gameplay 0/10
You pick one out of four ugly Yoshi wannabes. What are the differences that separate these ugly chameleons from each other? Hideously bright colors! That's it! No special abilities. No background stories or profiles for each chameleon. No different senses of style. Nothing! They are all the same!

Done picking a chameleon? Here comes the boredom. You then see the poorly-written story this game has to offer and proceed through extremely easy and linear levels with your hard-to-control tongue to pass the easiest of obstacles until you reach a thing the developers like to call a boss. You can defeat all these bosses by spitting little enemies at them. YES, you defeat all of them the same way as before! If you have played this so-called "game" before, you know how stupid the bosses are. If you want to see somethings that look like the bosses, take fifty dirty Popsicle sticks and jumble them together in the messiest and ugliest way possible with glue. If you did what I said, look at the mess you made. This mess you made looks more realistic than all the bosses in this game put together!

Seem fun? Hope you like it, because you will be doing the exact same thing over and over again in five more kiddie-theme levels! Speaking of which, the levels have all the same obstacles as the last. They couldn't think of anything else, so they cut and paste the last level 's obstacles to the next level and altered the levels a little bit to make it seem a little different. Those developers tried to pass this garbage off as new levels.
Gameplay 0/10
I won't take this garbage on my Nintendo 64! This garbage is something I expect from THQ, but they aren't the culprit this time. You should go play something infinitely better like Superman, which is very bad too.

Music MUTE/10
That executive I mentioned in that story earlier has to stop being a cheapskate. The music will have your fingers over the mute button. No, scratch that. The music will have you reaching for a sledgehammer to bang in your TV speakers. Do yourself a favor and save yourself the trouble of going deaf.
Music MUTE/10
Before you listen to this so-called music, make sure you have a sledgehammer and enough money to repay the damage done to the TV speakers lying around. You will thank me later.

Story 0/10
This story is stupid. You play as your stupid chameleon on a see-saw until an obese rabbit sends you to the first level of this disgrace of a game. That stupid rabbit will then tell you that he hopes you pass that stupid level or something. That rabbit needs to lose weight as much as the story needs improvements.
Story 0/10
I have said enough about this horrible plot. You will find a better story written on the wall in a public bathroom. I have read gothic poetry and limmericks better than this game.

Graphics BLIND/10
These graphics hurt my brain and eyes! Those monkeys could have done a decent job. But did they? The developers of this garbage should be ashamed of themselves and the publishers should be embarrassed. If you want to see the graphics for yourself, drink a dozen beers, put on two of your friend's prescription glasses and stare at modern art.
Graphics BLIND/10
I have said enough about this tainted eye candy. I just hate it so much and I would rather put sulfuric acid, hot sauce, and drain cleaner in those little eye drop bottles and use it on myself than play this game

Replay Value 0/10
You got sent to Sky Land again! Would you want to go through all this garbage again? I didn't think so. There are some stupid crowns in the game levels to collect for new costumes, but I wouldn't collect those to save my life, much less for fun. I cry myself to sleep knowing I live in a world with terrorism, racism, millions starving, and Chameleon Twist 2.

Buy or Rent? Neither
If you see this in the store, run to the bathroom and wash your eyes out as much as possible for fifteen minutes. When you finish washing your eyes, go back to the cashier, point at the game, give him time to look at it and slap him.

Moral: As much as I hate to admit, there's a moral in my own review. This is probably the only downfall of my review. Never judge a book by its cover. Wow, a moral in my review. Must be lack of sleep.

My Grand Total 1/10

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 12/30/03, Updated 06/05/04