Donkey Kong 64

"The first one was Yoshi, now is poor Donkey Kong’s turn..."

Oh my goodness, Nintendo continues (without the slightest trace of mercy) to screw of all their legendary series and mascots. Donkey Kong Country was one of their last victims, and you just can’t imagine how pissed off I am, because the Donkey Kong series have always been one of my all time favourites, I consider the first Donkey Kong Country to be, together with Yoshi’s Island, the absolute best platform game in existence, and look what have they done with it, maybe it is as bad as Yoshi’s Story, but that is not the point, both of them suck, that IS the point, &/%·”$%&·!!!

Plot:
The thing is that the evil King K. Rool is back, and he wants to destroy the DK Isles, then he has also kidnapped some of the Donkey Kong friends, and you already know what comes next.

Graphics 10/10:
They aren’t much better than the ones of, for example, Banjo Kazooie, I can’t get all the fuzz about them, and if it uses the expansion pack that is only to hold those incredibly big worlds it has, because graphically is very similar to any other N64 platformer, what makes it a little bit more interesting is the variety, but interesting or fancy is not the same as better. When I rate things I rate them fairly, I hate these graphics, but no one can say they are no superb, if you don’t like them just say it, like me, but giving them a low rating is ridiculous.

Music 5/10:
While I can’t stop humming all the fantastic, legendary, and immortal musical tracks from the last three Donkey Kong games, Donkey Kong 64 music is mediocre among the mediocre, and that is not to mention that sometimes there isn’t any music, something very common nowadays, there is nothing worst than when they let the sound acts as music. At the beginning of the game and at the package’s back cover it says (like if it were something really important): “presented in Dolby Surround”, but you now what?, I haven’t got the slightest idea about what the hell is that, I can’t stand that, who the hell gives a damn about that if there is not near as much music as there was before?, what I know is that all the previous Snes games had a music one million times better, and without that stupid Dolby Surround.

Gameplay 4/10:
Very little is left from the previous games, ok, nothing is left from the previous games, and that is problem, this is not Donkey Kong Country anymore, this is just another 3D platform game.

The new members of the Kong family SUCK, we have Tiny Kong, a stupid looking “tiny” version of Dixie with pigtails, Lanky Kong, a disgusting clown-like monkey with very long arms, and Chunky, a monkey that looks as stupid as big. Donkey and Diddy are still the same ones from the previous games, and that is why they still look good, but they alone are not enough to save this shame of a game.

The eight worlds are basically the same ones every single 3D platform game has, a jungle, a forest, a an ice world, a factory... Like in Super Mario 64 or Banjo Kazooie these huge stages are connected from a main scenario (the castle in Super Mario 64 or the Grunty’s Lair in Banjo Kazooie), this time it is called Donkey Kong’s Island, we will have to collect a certain number of bananas and some more things to open the gates of each world, we are able to leave and collect all the items in the order we want whenever we want, and these worlds are completely non linear, which is something I hate, that is why I liked Rayman 2, in that game the stages are linear, I hate to explore these incredibly big worlds, it is boring, in Super Mario 64 was very entertaining because it was the first time and because the worlds were much better designed, not here, this time everything is too big and very frustrating.

The game’s variety is scary, there are so many things to do, so many items to find, so many mini games, the Kong’s have so many new movements and weapons that is exhausting just to think about them. But this variety doesn’t help the game, in fact it makes it even more tedious, with so many things to do you will feel overwhelmed.

Donkey Kong 64 also as multiplayer options, up to four players can join and try to survive the terrifying experience this game is, why not letting your friends witness what poor Donkey Kong looks like after his plastic surgery?. Some of the mini games are probably helluva fun with four friends, but where in the world would you find four morons to play a game as repellent as this one?

I am sick of 3D platformers, there are more 3D platformers in the N64 than stars in the sky, and I am so tired of playing them that I don’t even want to think about them, now just thinking about them gives me headaches, the gameplay may be perfect in terms of controls and those things, the characters respond perfectly, the game is tremendously varied, there are tons of things to do and everything, but doing that is unbelievably BORING, I repeat, that is probably because there are too many 3D platformers in the N64 and all of them are very similar, but this is not Donkey Kong Country anymore, and I can’t tolerate what have they done with the series, for this reason the gameplay stinks.

Replay Value:
It depends, masochists have an endless replay value here, because each world has so many things to discover that Banjo Kazooie would feel ashamed. Aside from that there are also multiplayer options with lots of mini games, extra features after completing certain task in the game, and a lot more things that no ones cares about because they are not enough to make the game fun.

Overall:
If you have never EVER played a Donkey Kong Country game before, if you have never played a 3D platform game before, and if you lack good tastes on video games, then you will love this game, otherwise avoid it like the bubonic pest. But you know what is the worst?, I didn’t wanted to buy this game because I knew it was going to be this bad, if the previous N64 versions of the classic Nintendo games were so bad, why not this one?, and as I said before, I was sick of 3D platformers, but my sister wanted it for Christmas, and my father spent nothing more and nothing less than 120 dollars in this game, yes, one hundred and twenty BIG GREEN BUCKS ON THIS FILTHY PIECE OF MONKEY EXCREMENT, it came with the Expansion Pack that is true, but like if I care (I have only used that “device” on Majora’s Mask, a game that is even worst than this one), that is another example about why Europe is the fourth world of video games, they are much more expensive than in the rest of the world, specially the N64 ones. God doesn’t exists, I already knew that, but for all of you fooled people, here is another reason, he would never let this things happen.

”My lack of vocabulary and grammatical errors (if there’s any) are because I’m not from an English speaking country, sorry about that.”

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 02/12/04