War Gods

"Simply put, THE worst game in history. Period."

If I could give this game a negative, I would. Oh how this game made me want to vomit in rage. It looks like the developers down at Midway rushed this game through the programming and testing process at breakneck speed. Everything from Graphics to sound is HORRIBLY done. I could've designed a better game using MS Paint and FlashMX.

How did I come about this game? Well, my friend asked me one day if I had any games I could lend him. Unluckily, I had my copy of Hydro Thunder in my pocket. He offered me the most disgusting, vile, horrendous piece of filth ever to be seen on the face of the planet. A game called War Gods. He made it sound so tempting. "It's just like Mortal Kombat", he said. I gave it a shot. If it was bloody and gory, I'd fumble through everything else. How bad could it be?

Well, it turns out that after I lent him my copy of Hydro Thunder, we were never to contact each other again. He kept my game, and I kept his. I was about ready to shoot myself after I played 10 minutes of War Gods...Alright, enough of my ramblings, on to the review.

Graphics: Let me start off with the worst aspect of this game. The graphics look like heavily improved SNES graphics. They aren't even at PlayStation par. For God's sakes, I COULD SEE THE PIXELS WHEN THE CAMERA WAS ZOOMED OUT ALL THE WAY!!! The movement of the fighters looks like it was captured by robots instead of humans. The environments are so corny it makes me want to cry every time I play through a level. There is absolutely NOTHING good to say about this games' graphics.

Score: 1/10

Sound: Horrible. Simply horrible. The announcer gets so monotonously humdrum it makes my ears bleed. Imagine half-assedly mixed sounds of grunts and cries of characters taking or dealing damage, but recorded on a $99.99 mixing table. Also, each character has only about 10 sounds assigned to it. After all, a person could only make 10 sounds when one punches, takes damage, flies through the air, runs, or is knocked back 10 feet...

Score: 1/10

Gameplay: My God in Heaven. One mode: Arcade. That . Is. IT!! You can't even practice the controls before you're forced to delve into the game. Was Midway INTENTIONALLY trying to drive customers away by scaring the hell out of them by not having at least a TUTORIAL in War Gods?! I think so, and Midway is a masochist, bastard-company. The computer is also INSANELY difficult to defeat, and the controls are on such a steep learning curve that you need a ladder to learn them.

Score: 1/10

Controls: Well, if you could learn them before you're forced right into the game, I wouldn't be so angry. But no. Midway thought it best to give you a controller and say, "Here, pass the game." All you can do is look at them and try your best to memorize which button is the one to do a "360"...What the hell is that, anyway? I played the game for two hours and I still couldn't figure out what the hell the button did.

Score: 1/10

Story: You have to fight other people for control of some crap that makes you super strong. I swear, this is the first time I've seen this in a game! I would've NEVER thought that something as tempting as immortality would drive people to kill each other with badly-designed fatalities to get it. This is so original it deserves an Oscar.

Score: 1/10

In closing. Do yourself a favor; if you have a copy of this game, go to your local game store and sell it/trade it in for two dollars. You'd be getting the better deal.

If you payed the SRP of $69.99...well, there's always that gun your dad keeps in his drawer...

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 11/29/04