Battletoads / Battletoads In Battlemaniacs Complete level-by-level game script by Darrell Wong (hawaiidkw) Copyright 2008 +Stuff for CJayC+ Most recent update: 9/20/08 E-mail: dkw001@hawaiiantel.net (Yes, it changed again!) ###################################################################### - BATTLETOADS - Okay, I trust I don't have to tell you how ridiculously uberimpossible this game is, or how supplanting/crushing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a stupid idea and doomed from day one, or how Rare pretty much dropped this franchise like a bad habit before it went anywhere. I'm here to give you the goods about the many varied comments Vulture and Dark Queen regale you with over the course of the game. Between levels, you get one of four randomly-selected snippets of dialogue from the duo. When the game ends, Dark Queen also gives you one of four random bits, and when you continue, Vulture has *seven* pieces of bitter snark to choose from (don't ask me why). Why they did this, I dunno. Safe bet that at least 99% of everyone who played this on cartridge never got past Karnath's Lair, let alone saw even half of the quotes. But as the saying goes, with an emulator, anything is possible. Or is that imagination? Well, that doesn't hurt, either. As for how they're selected, from what I've seen, it has to do with the number of inputs you make on the controller. So if you save and throw a few extra punches, jump a couple more times, etc. before the end of the level, you might get something different. The Dark Queen's commentary actually happens at the end of the level, so if you're using a Game Genie level code, you won't see it. -------------------------------------------------- Continue (Vulture) - GOT TOO TOUGH FOR YOU, HUH? A FEW PIGS, A FEW MONSTERS AND YOU GUYS CRASH AND BURN! - I HAVEN'T SEEN SUCH A DISMAL FAILURE SINCE LAST TIME YOU FAILED! - OKAY, 'TOADS - YOU TAKE A REST AND I'LL CALL IN THE BATTLEHAMSTERS! - PHEW! THAT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH! OKAY, PRACTICE IS OVER, GUYS, LET'S GO FOR IT THIS TIME! - WHAD'YA' MEAN, 'BAD SCENE?' I'LL GIVE YA' BAD SCENE IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HERE WITH PIMPLE AND ANGELICA! - WHAT THE FROG'S GOING ON, TOADS?! GET BACK THERE AND FRY THE PORK! - YES! THE DARK QUEEN JUST PHONE TO SAY SHE SENT YOU HOME, BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY WEREN'T FEELING TOO GOOD! -------------------------------------------------- Game over (Dark Queen) - HA! JUST AS I PREDICTED. A COMPLETE AND UTTER VICTORY FOR THE HOME SIDE, AND A HOPELESS FAILURE FOR THE BEAK AND HIS QUAGGY CROAKERS! THIS DOMAIN BELONGS TO ME! HA-HA-HA-HA...! - HA-HA-HA-HA-HA...! CARE TO TRY YOUR LUCK AGAIN? - 'CUZ IT'S ONLY LUCK THAT GOT YOU THIS FAR, SWAMPBREATH! - OH DEAR, HOW UNUTTERABLY SAD, YOU LOSE AND I WIN, YOU 'TOADS COULDN'T FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG! - WAS THAT REALLY THE BEST YOU CAN DO! MMMM! I WONDER WHAT ROAST VULTURE AND FROGS' LEGS TASTE LIKE !? MMM!...CHOMP!... CRUNCH! CHEW! THEY...MMM...TASTE...MM-MMH-GOOD. -------------------------------------------------- Level 1: Ragnarok's Canyon Vulture - GET READY, TOADS! DOWN TO THE SURFACE ON THE TURBO-CABLES! - I'VE LOCATED THE GARGANTUA, 'TOADS! SHE'S HIDDEN BENEATH THE PLANET'S SURFACE! - KEEP IT MOVIN' ALONG THE SURFACE, 'TOADS! AND WATCH OUT FOR THE PSYKO-PIGS! - WORK YOUR WAY ALONG THE SURFACE, 'TOADS - AND HURRY! PIMPLE N' ANGELICA ARE IN DEEP TROUBLE! -------------------------------------------------- Level 2: Wookie Hole Dark Queen - ARRRRGH! YOU'VE MADE PORKMEAT OUT OF MY PSYKO-PIGS! - DOWN INTO THE DARK, BATTLEJERKS - AND SEE HOW YOU FARE AGAINST THE RETRO- BLASTERS! - SO, HOOKBILL, YOUR FROGS DID WELL! BUT LET'S SEE HOW THEY DO AGAINST MY BIRDS OF PREY - PRAY THE BIRDS DON'T GET THEM! HA-HA-HA-HA...! - THEY'LL NEVER MAKE IT AGAINST MY SATURN TOADTRAPS, YOU FEATHERED FREAK! Vulture - IT'S A VERTICAL DROP FOR ABOUT A MILE - AND THERE ARE THINGS MOVIN' DOWN THERE, SO YOU BETTER TAKE CARE 'TOADS.... - LET'S GET MAD, BAD, AND CRAZY, 'TOADS! USE THE TURBO-CABLES TO TACKLE THAT CHASM! - SENSORS INDICATE THAT THE CHASM DESCENDS FOR ABOUT A MILE - WATCH OUT FOR BOOBYTRAPS! - WATCH OUT, 'TOADS! THERE'S BOUND TO BE A WHOLE TOAD-LOAD OF TROUBLE DOWN IN THAT CRATER! -------------------------------------------------- Level 3: Turbo Tunnel Dark Queen - DON'T GET TOO COCKY, SNOTSKINS - THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! - GIVE UP NOW BEFORE THE MUTANT RATPACK GETS YOU, WART-HEADS! - SO YOU MANAGED TO AVOID MY TRAPS, EH! WELL, IT TAKES A BOOBY TO BEAT A BOOBY, I ALWAYS SAY! - YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET FASTER IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT, POND PATROL! Vulture - BETTER STEP ON IT, 'TOADS - THE RATPACK'S HOT ON YOUR HEELS! - IT'S THE NEED-TO-SPEED FROM NOW ON, 'TOADS! - SENSORS INDICATE SPEED BIKES DEAD AHEAD! GO GET 'EM, TOADS! - YOU GOTTA BE LIKE GREEN LIGHTNIN' IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH HERE, 'TOADS! -------------------------------------------------- Level 4: Arctic Caverns Dark Queen - CURSE YOUR WARTY HIDES! I'LL BRING DOWN ICE AND FIRE UPON YOUR UGLY HEADS! - SO, THE RAT ROCKETS DIDN'T GET YOU, HUH? WELL, THE ICE SPIKES CERTAINLY WILL! - YOU ANNOYING FROGS! I'LL HAVE YOU CHOPPED UP INTO A GOURMET LUNCH AND THE PIECES DEEP-FROZEN FOR ETERNITY! - YOU PLAY LEAPFROG WELL WITH THOSE SPEED BIKES, MY GREEN FRIENDS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM WITH YOU! Vulture - BRRR! IT'S COLD ENOUGH DOWN THERE TO FREEZE THE YARBLES OFF A ZALLADIAN BEHOMETH! - I'M GETTING SUB-ZERO READINGS NEARBY! SO HANG LOOSE, 'TOADS - ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN IN THERE! - LET'S BREAK THE ICE, 'TOADS! IT'S PARTY TIME! - YOU'RE GOING TO BE SLIP-SLIDIN' AWAY, 'TOADS, IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOUR STEP! -------------------------------------------------- Level 5: Surf City Dark Queen - OH, YOU'RE GONNA BE SURFIN' - SURFIN D.O.A.! THAT'S DEAD ON ARRIVAL, POND PATROL! - WATCH OUT FOR THE BREAKERS, BATTLEBARF! BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO BREAK YOU INTO LITTLE GREEN PIECES! - WHEN I SAY THERE'S GOING TO BE A WIPE-OUT DOWN THERE, YOU CAN BET ON IT, PRATTLETOADS! - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, DON'T YOU - OUT OF THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE SURF! Vulture - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT 'TOADS, 'CUZ THE DARK QUEEN DON'T SURF! - HANG TEN, TOADS! SURF CITY HERE WE COME! - SURF'S UP, 'TOADS! LET'S KICK THOSE SPACEBOARDS INTO ACTION! - YOU'RE DOIN' GREAT, 'TOADS! THE DARK QUEEN WILL BE FOAMIN' AT THE MOUTH WHEN YOU RIDE THROUGH THIS LITTLE NUMBER! -------------------------------------------------- Level 6: Karnath's Lair Dark Queen - GIVE UP, TOADIES! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST THE GIANT SNAKES! - IS IT TRUE THAT THE TOAD'S GREATEST ENEMY IS THE SNAKE? WELL, WE'LL SOON FIND OUT! HA-HA-HA-HA....! - TAKE IT FROM ME, SWAMPBREATH, YOU WON'T BE GOING ANY FURTHER! - WHAT?! YOU'VE MADE IT THROUGH?! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE! Vulture - SLITHER UP OUTTA THERE, 'TOADS! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SCALE THE CAVERN TO FIND THE EXIT! - TIME TO GRAB A PIECE OF TAIL, 'TOADS - AND HANG ON TIGHT! - WATCH OUT, TOADS! SENSORS INDICATE SOMETHIN' LONG AND SLIPPERY SLITHERIN' TOWARD YOU! - YEE-HA! RIDE THEM SNAKES, TOADBOYS! -------------------------------------------------- Level 7: Volkmire's Inferno Dark Queen - BURN, TOADIES, BURN! - C'MON, TOADIES, LIGHT MY FIRE! - SO YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT, HUH, 'TOADS? WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO GET HOTTER DOWN THERE - MUCH HOTTER! - YOU'RE GOOD, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT - GOOD ENOUGH TO BURN! Vulture - BETTER JET YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE, TOADS! - LOOKS LIKE THE DARK QUEEN'S GOT A WARM RECEPTION PLANNED FOR THE BATTLETOADS! - THINGS ARE REALLY HEATIN' UP DOWN THERE, 'TOADS! - WOW, 'TOADS! YOU'LL BE REALLY HOT AND BOTHERED BY THIS LITTLE SIZZLER! -------------------------------------------------- Level 8: Intruder Excluder Dark Queen - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR! PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR A STICKY GREEN END, TOADIES! - THE GARGANTUA WON'T BE A PUSHOVER, WARTBODIES, IT'S FAR TOO BIG FOR THAT! - THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB, SWAMP SCUM, THE FURTHER YOU'LL FALL! - YOU MAY THINK THE HEAT'S OFF, SLIMEBACKS. WELL, THINK AGAIN BECAUSE THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! Vulture - SENSORS INDICATE YOU'VE ACCESSED A DUCT IN THE GARGANTUA! BE CAREFUL, 'TOADS! - THE ONLY WAY IS UP, 'TOADS - SO LET'S GO FOR IT! - YOU 'TOADS ARE DEFINITELY MOVIN' UP IN THE WORLD! - WHEN THE GOIN' GETS TOUGH, THE 'TOADS GET GOIN! UP AND AT 'EM, GUYS! -------------------------------------------------- Level 9: Terra Tubes Dark Queen - DON'T GET TOO CONFIDENT, WARTYBOTTOMS, BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT YOU WON'T BE GOING ANY FURTHER! - NOW, THAT MAKES ME MAD, AND WHEN I GET MAD, I GET NASTY, AND WHEN I NASTY, I USUALLY END UP MAIMING SOMETHING - LIKE YOU, F'RISNTANCE! - WELL, WELL, WELL - FANCY SEEING YOU HERE! WHAT AN UNPLEASANT SURPRISE! - YOU 'TOADS ARE DEFINITELY ASKING FOR IT, AND SINCE I DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU, HERE IT COMES - YOUR TIMELY DEMISE! Vulture - GO THROUGH THE STEEL SPAGHETTI, 'TOADS - AND WATCH OUT FOR BOOBYTRAPS! - I'M GETTING A WHOLE LOAD OF WEIRD READINGS ON THE SENSORS, SO, TAKE CARE, 'TOADS! - IT'S A MAZE IN THERE, 'TOADS! SO KEEP A COOL HEAD AND YOU'LL BE OKAY! - WE'RE MAKING GOOD HEADWAY HERE, 'TOADS - DON'T LET UP NOW! -------------------------------------------------- Level 10: Rat Race Dark Queen - OKAY - C'MON AND MAKE MY DAY, TOADIES! - REST ASSURED, WARTFEATURES, THE NEXT LEVEL'S GOING TO GO LIKE A BOMB! HA- HA-HA-HA...! - YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR IMPERTINENCE, SLIMEHEADS - WITH YOUR LIVES! - YOUR ARROGANCE WOULD ANNOY ME, BATTLEBARF, IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE BOMBING OUT VERY SOON! Vulture - GET READY, 'TOADS! YOU GOTTA RACE THE RODENT AND DEFUSE THE BOMB! - HEY, 'TOADS! YOU HAVE THREE BOMBS TO DEFUSE BEFORE THE RATPACK BLOWS US ALL TO TOAD-HEAVEN! - PUT ON YOUR RUNNING SHOES, 'TOADS, AND RACE THE RAT TO THE BOMB AT THE BOTTOM! - THE BOMB'S AT THE BOTTOM, SO, GET READY, 'TOADS - AND COME ON DOWN! -------------------------------------------------- Level 11: Clinger-wingers Dark Queen - CURSE YOUR GREEN HIDES! YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! - OH, NO! THE BOMBS ARE ALL DEFUSED AND THE WARTHEADS ARE STILL ALIVE! - PRETTY SPUNKY, 'TOADS - BUT IT ISN'T OVER YET! - UP AND DOWN AND ROUND THEY GO, BUT WHERE THEY'LL FRY ONLY I CAN KNOW! Vulture - GET A GRIP, GUYS! LET'S MOTIVATE! - HOLD ON TIGHT AN' GET READY FOR A FIGHT - THE BATTLETOADS ARE OUTASIGHT! - IT'S TIME TO TRAVEL ON THE CLINGER-WINGER, 'TOADS! - ROLLER-COASTER COMIN' UP, 'TOADS! SO, KEEP A COOL GREEN HEAD! -------------------------------------------------- Level 12: The Revolution Dark Queen - COME TO THE TOWER, BOYS, AND LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT! - NOOOOO! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SWAMP SCUM HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR! I CAN SEE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET NASTY! - TOP OF THE WORLD, TOADIES! COME AND GET ME IF YOU DARE! - WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION, BATTLEJERKS! THIS IS WHERE YOU LOSE YOUR HEADS! Vulture - HOLY HIP-HOP, 'TOADS! THE DARK QUEEN'S AT THE TOP OF THE TOWER JUST WAITING TO BE CREAMED! - LET'S MAKE LIKE THE GREEN MACHINE, GUYS, AND MOTOR ON UP TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER! - THINGS ARE LOOKIN' UP FROM HERE ON, 'TOADS! - AND I DO MEAN UP! - WELL, IT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR A 'TOAD, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR TOADKIND! GO TO IT, GUYS! -------------------------------------------------- Ending Dark Queen - I GUESS YOU SLIPPERY SUCKERS THINK YOU'RE PRETTY HOT STUFF, HUH? WELL, YOU DON'T CHEAT THE DARK LADY THAT EASILY! TILL NEXT TIME, CATTLE LOADS! - NO! THIS CAN'T BE TRUE! MY ENTIRE DEFENSE SYSTEM, BEATEN BY A COUPLE OF MUCUS-LOBBING SLIME-JACKETS! BETTER DISAPPEAR, REAL QUICK, BEFORE SOMETHING REALLY NASTY HAPPENS! ADIOS, FOUNTAIN FREAKS! - ROBO-MANUS? BLAGGIE! SPEAK TO YOUR QUEEN! HAVE THOSE VILE SLUSH-HOPPERS CRUSHED YOUR CRANIUMS...WELL, DON'T WORRY - I'LL RESTORE YOU BOTH. YOU SNOT GOBBLERS WILL PAY FOR THIS! - WHAT?! I LOST! THIS CAN'T BE! I'M THE DARK QUEEN! WRONG IS BETTER THAN RIGHT, DARK IS STRONGER THAN LIGHT! GRRRR! I HATE YOU, BATTLETOADS! I'M OUTTA HERE! Vulture - OKAY, LET'S BREAK OUT THE SODAS AND JUNK-FOOD - IT'S PARTY TIME! - WAYDIGO, 'TOADS! THE BIG GUY'S BACK AND THE PRINCESS IS SAVED! - WHOO! ALRIGHT GUYS! THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS TO CLEAR OUT THOSE CLOGGED SINUSES! - WOW! YOU GUYS OUGHTA BOTTLE THAT SKILL AND CHARISMA - YOU'D MAKE A FORTUNE! ######################################################################