Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

"Finally I get to review everyones favorite bad game, and not surprisingly, I hate it too!"

Introduction
One day I was browsing this wonderful site and I found a game that was given a one by TWELVE people and naturally, I had to find out if it could be worse than Deadly Towers and Jaws. It wasn't as bad as the two games, but it was still a horrifying experience. For starters, the Graphics and Sound are the worst to grace any system. The Control also follows this rule, and has no equal (in terms of poor quality). The Gameplay is just a little better than Jaws and Deadly Towers ,(which saves it from being the worst game ever made) but that still doesn't mean it is anywhere near the quality us gamers expect and deserve in a video game. Why Nintendo allowed this to be on their classic console, I will never know. I can't believe I spent five minutes playing this, when instead I could be watching Dragon Ball Z. Read on to get all the details on this rather awful game.

Graphics 0.2/10
It's horrible. Everything is undetailed, especially the main characters. They have hair which really looks like yellow paper crumbled into a ball, they have faces which look more like a computer moniter spray painted pink, they also have probably the worst clothing ever to be featured in a video game. The clothes are simply brown coverings over thier body. The backgrounds look fair, but far too plain for me, which is bad because that is the only background in the game. So much for variety. But of course, you may be wondering why it gets a 0.2, and I have done nothing but complain about the Graphics. It gets higher than a zero because, at least it isn't a blank screen. If you thought you have seen the worst Graphics in a video game, wait till you see this.

Story 0.1
It says on the story screen, '' You must reach Xaxori,''(or whatever it was called). Thats it. You will never know why you would do that, what you would go there for, and why these characters got chosen to go there, (not that I would care).

Sound 0.1
Well, at least there is sound. It is so bad I don't know where to start. I guess I will start with the music. It starts off with this corny flute music when you start the game, and then when you get to play it plays probably the most annoying song in history. It sounds sort of like the music in Godzilla movies, only played with some kind of flute and it sounds terrible. This has got to be the worst music featured in a video game. The Sound Effects are almost worse. They range from a croaky ''Oww'' when you die to the awful sound when you use your sword, (I think that is the only sound effects in the game!) Overall the Sound is so bad I would rather hear my dog bark at me all night.

Gameplay 0.8/10
Nintendo should have laughed them out the door. When you start the game all these cards float up onto the screen, but it seems to be some sort of introduction, but with no text, just a picture. Then you appear in some dark room and a pit fills the right half of the screen. I start to move but I notice my character moves way too slowly, so thinking that is that characters attributes, I switch to another player and am shocked to find out he goes the exact same speed. Everybody else can barely move too. I notice that there is a door, but I don't know how to go through, and I find out after ten minutes of trying that you have to hold the direction of the way you want to enter the door! Wow, I love the playcontrol in this game, it has no equal <Heavy use of Sarcasm). Then I enter a new room with a midget slowly walking toward me, and as I walk toward him a bunch of rocks fall from what seems to be the ceiling and takes away much life. I finally get to fight the midget (after unsuccesfully dodging rocks and cement blocks falling from the ceiling) and use my sword on him, which to my surprise and horror goes out about two inches. The midget kicks me several times and my character dies, so another one of my eight characters is forced to fight the midget. The sword clearly is hiting him in the forhead, but he seems to not feel pain. After losing a total of four characters on this guy, I give up and walk the other direction (while my poor character gets smashed by rocks falling from the cieling every other step) only to find a swordsman. I fight him too, and discover his sword only goes out two inches too. So I have to get closer while he has an unfair advantage by being able to hit me before I have a chance, (and giant cement blocks fall from the ceiling). I try to hit him, but the controls are so bad he only hits him with the sword every once and a while. I finally am down to my last character, and I get really lucky and kill the swordsman. I move on to see another midget and a block falls and hits my character in the head, killing my last character. After seeing unbeatable midgets everywhere I go, bad graphics, horrible sound, sluggish controls, and giant stones hitting me evry other step, I decide I've had enough, and take the game downstairs and find out if I am still accurate with my old bow and arrow.

Control 1.2/10
Control is a very important part of a game, and Heroes of the Lance fails it too. The Control is so bad, your character will barely move and can't move even move at a remotely quick speed. But my favorite bad thing about the controls is using your sword during a fight. Your sword will only come out an eighth of the time, letting your enemy attack you multiple times before your character can do a thing to stop it. The sword only goes out two inches anyway and it isn't worth the effort.

Replay Value 1/10
No Replay Value at ALL. Actually that isn't true, you will play it one ( and I do mean one) more to get enough information to write a review.

Challenge 100/10
If it is impossible to get past two screens, you will never want or care to beat the game.

Buy or Rent?
As odd as this will sound, I urge every true gamer to buy this. It sure will give you a good laugh. But if you love good games, stay far, far, away from this.

Overall 1/10
Note to the programmers: Next time you make a video game, please, PLEASE put some effort into it!

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 11/07/00, Updated 11/07/00