Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

"Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!"

I looked into this game, and it turns out that it was made by drunk monkeys on drugs. There was a catch though, the monkeys only had 2 weeks to make the game. It really shows too. This game is really painful to play. I suggest staying at least 500 yards away. If you do decide to play this game, against your better judgement, make sure you have morphine or at least Tylenol on hand. This is worst game ever. Pong is the best game ever compared to this.

Gameplay:1/10
Well I guess you could call it gameplay. Crappy menus are supplemented by really crappy fighting. The fighting consists of holding A hoping that you poke the enemy with your stick, before he carves you up with his weapon. The midgets will kill you around 50% of the time. Oh yeah, and half of the doors are just for decoration.

Graphics: 1/10
This is just awful, it looks like a toddler simply scribbled onto a piece of paper. My 3 year old sister could easily out draw this game. Sad to look at really.

Story: 1/10,
Well they at least put in a good story right? Right? Actually I could find no story in the game whatsoever. The game is based on a novel, but how many people are going to read a novel just to understand a really bad game? Not me.

Sound: 1/10
The first 15 seconds are really annoying, and then it starts looping endlessly. I found myself turning of the sound after 30 seconds.

Fun Factor: 0/10
Well lighting the cartridge on fire was pretty fun. Besides that, hunh? Do you like taking baths in molten lava? Do you like hot lead poured down various body parts? If you answered yes, I still doubt you'd like this game.

Replayability: 2/10
I enjoyed finding the numerous ways to die, i.e.: Nude Midgets, jumping off cliffs etc. I've found 73 so far, see if you can top me.

Challenge: 92/10
This game is just about impossible play. It's even harder to bring your self to play it.

Control: 0/10
There is no control. Half of the doors are fake, and to go into the real ones you have to hold up or down for about 10 seconds, bad combination. Your characters don't even go the right way. I've started pushing left to go right, and it has helped a little, but still.

Good Points
Catches fire fast!

Bad Points
Bad Graphics.
Bad Gameplay.
Bad Story.
Bad Sound.
No Fun.
Huge Challenge.
No Control.
Etc.
Etc.

Final Score 1/10
The only reason I gave it a 1 is because it had a decent title. Go ahead and find it if you are the kind of person that is into self-punishment, otherwise...

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 07/30/01, Updated 01/20/02