Bad Street Brawler

"I played it for free and I still feel ripped off."

Y'see we review games to not only give out our opinions and help people understand what they'll be getting in to before they play,but we also do it so games like Bad Street Brawler never,ever get played.Ever.Seriously.If you thought Final Fight or Fighting Force was repeditive and boring then you haven't seen anything yet.I thought I was able to tolerate bad games,but I've met my match.The flat,lifeless graphics,sounds that don't leave an impression on you and disturbing choice of enemys make this game a waste of time.Even if that time amounts to about four minutes,including finding this game.

ACTION GAME SCORING SYSTEM

Gameplay (3/10)

Dear sweet mother of Ghandi.I've never met a side scrolling beat-em-up quite so horrible.First off,the game in itself is easy,far too easy,a ''tapping one button can kill just about anything'' type of brawler with no replay value.Next,you do get a variatey of moves but only TWO per stage.One per button.The move set changes every time you go through a level.What's with that?I mean,somebody HAD to come up with that idea and implement it into the game.Did nobody have the spine to speak up to this guy and tell him it was stupid?Not only is this constantly changing move set confusing,but why would a fighter with any brains do this? ''Why,I think Im such a mega-badass,that i'll use different moves on every baddie I come across.That whole 'punch' attack gets old!''.Duh.The last thing I want to do in any fighting game is constantly have to adjust to new ranges on my attacks,as well as dealing with the many,many useless ones.Your opponents are rather odd.The first stage alone consists only of an endless supply of pitbulls,midgets wielding ball&chain weapons and a gorrilla.Yes.The supply of jokes is virtually endless.I mean,imagine the meeting they had!

Coorprate Guy: Kid's today don't wanna go around beating up on thugs.You guys need to think of something funky and hip,you know,like midgets and gorillas or something.

Game Guys: Sure.

(Coorprate Guy leaves the room)

Game Guy #1: So,is midgets and gorillas okay with everyone?

Others: Yeah.

Game Guy #2: How about a dog of some kind,too?A pitbull.Thousands of them.All in one park.With the midgets.

Game Guy #3: And let's give the midgets weapons.The stupidest weapons we can think of,like really sharp sticks or something.And make them bald.All the midgets are bald.

Game Guy #1: I think we have a hit on our hands.

All: Woo!

See?The endless hilarity!For someone like me,who lives of wittisisms,this game is a bounty,a varitable gold mine of chuckles and guffaws.Unfortunately,that don't make it a good game.You want to know a better game?Combing through my reviews and compiling the various typos and gramarical errors.Still,kicking dogs and midgets has gotta be a novelty for someone somewhere so I can't rag on it that much.After all,this game got made,didn't it?

Sound/Graphics (1/10)

Honestly,I really don't remember all that about the sound.I never have been big on the music or sound in the majority of my reviews because most of the time it stinks.If I don't remember it then it couldn't have been all that catchy.And this is coming from someone who still remembers the battle music from Earthbound.The graphics are forgettable.Hell,maybe my brain is just trying to put the whole ordeal away and lock it up the perverbial safe of my mind and swallow the key of remembrace and taking the antacid tablet of good music and wholesome television.Well in any case,the graphics are bland and lifeless.There's nothing special at all about them.Even the Adventures of Bayou Billy had better backgrounds and better animated enemies than BSB does.Just..don't play this game.

Special Features: Midgets.Yes.

Fun Factor: Looowww.

Rather slam my head in a door?: Yes.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 11/04/01, Updated 11/04/01