Bionic Commando

"Bazookas and Nazis and grappling hooks, oh my!"

Of the about 200 games I own over the various systems that have been released in the past 10 years, none gets as much play as Bionic Commando. It is, arguably, the most fun game I own. I don't think I would call it my favorite game of all time, but it is definitely in the top five.

That being said, Bionic Commando is not for everyone. It has some weaknesses, the big drawbacks being the controls and the plot. If you give the game a chance, play it a couple times (I know it sounds like a lot, but it can be beaten in about 40 minutes if you are moderately skilled), it grows on you. A lot. Let's go to the breakdown:

Gameplay: 2 or 9 - I give gameplay two scores, the first is ''novice'', the second ''adept.'' When you first begin to play the game, you will probably hate the controls with a passion. First, most sidescrolling platformers (nearly every one I can think of) involves jumping. You can't jump in this game (I assume it's from all the stuff you carry around). Instead, you get around by swinging from your bionic arm, which is the second reason why you may hate the controls. The arm is a precision tool. If you don't know what you are doing, you will fail in your attempts to use it and die. Repeatedly. Don't let this dissuade you, though, that's what those easy-to-acquire continues are for. Master using it, and the arm will be your best friend. You will use it to stun enemies, grab items, climb up, over, or through walls, and even get into places the designers didn't want you to (the hallmark of any good NES game, IMO).

There are other aspects of gameplay, the ability to use different weapons, items, and visit neutral zones, and the overhead ''bonus'' stages. While these are all important (and fun, especially firing your gun in a neutral zone), they take a side-role to the arm, which is understandable. Besides, after trying out all the weapons and items, you'll find (as I have) the only things you need are a rocket launcher and health recovery pills.

Oh, and one sidenote: Super Joe's machine gun is the stupidest, worst thing in the entire game. It makes me wish I could kill Destroyer-3. Try it, and you'll see what I mean.

Story: 4 - The story is pretty much ''blah.'' The main reason for this is censorship by Nintendo of America (or it may have been Capcom's doing, I dunno, but it seems like a more Nintendo-esque thing). You see, the game in Japan is called ''Top Secret: The Revival of Hitler.'' Instead of fighting the BADDs, you fight Nazis and the climactic final showdown is between you and the mustachioed one himself. For some BIZARRE reason, some exec somewhere decided ''Killing Nazis who want to resurrect one of history's greatest monsters is bad, we can't have our youth see this,'' and promptly changed the game (the levels, etc. are the same here, only the text differs and there are no swastikas all over the place... Seriously). Instead, we get a similar plot with the BADDs, plus Super Joe thrown in to make a connection to the original Commando.

So, the plot basically stinks. For most people, this shouldn't be a problem, though. I mean, this isn't the kind of game you play for plot. You play it for fun. But, if you need a plot, there are a few ways to get around the poor one you are given. The first is to imagine you are playing the Japanese version. I find it helps tremendously to scream ''Eat this, you Nazi scum!'' while playing. The other way is to find the old Worlds of Power book (a series of books based on NES games that came out in the late 80s/early 90s, geared towards school children). The plot was very different, and there is no killing (because it's bad), but I love the explanation for how Ladd Spencer (the bionic commando) got the bionic arm. It involves a fall from a hotel window and ninjas. Classic.

Graphics: 10 - The coloration is great, and the animations are nice too. Wonderful for the time. The reason this gets a 10, though, is the sequence right at the end. Beat the game, you know which one I'm talking about. Add in the fact that this is Hitler we're talking about (remember my lecture on the Japanese game?), and you have THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME SCENE EVER. EVER. *turns off the caps lock* That ending sequence is probably 95% of the reason why I've beaten this game approximately 300 times.

Sounds/Music: 6 - I probably shouldn't have lumped the two together, but I will anyway. I'll level with you. The sounds get annoying. Fast. Especially the communication sequences (but you can skip those after your first play-through). I would tell you to mute the sound if it wasn't for the music. Pure MIDI heaven. The stage select music could be better, and some of the other music is only moderately above average, but the 1st stage music (reused a few times, I believe) is wonderful. It has the military march feel you need for this game. Really helps to set the mood.

Replayability: 9 - There are no real sidequests (the only thing that comes close is finding the helmet, which you can skip anyway) to speak of, and no little nuances to notice on a 2nd, 3rd, or umteenth time playing. Bionic Commando isn't that kind of game. Like some other classic games, like Contra, it doesn't matter. You play this game for the sheer fun of playing it. And to see the ending (see above). Plus, once you know what you're doing, you can beat the game very quickly, making it easy to play multiple times.

Overall: 9 - I don't think I can emphasize enough how many bonus points that ending wins. If you could promise me that I would be able to see that scene, I would sit through just about any torture you can imagine. But, the best part is that this game isn't torture. It's a great game even without that ending. It's actually one of an elite group of NES games that I love even without the influence of nostalgia. Final Fantasy 1 and the Dragon Warrior games are some of my favorites, but I know that if they had just come out today and I didn't have nostalgia to rely on, I wouldn't like them nearly as much. Some games, like Contra, Legend of Zelda 1, and Mike Tyson's Punch Out withstand that test. Bionic Commando falls into that latter group, a game that doesn't fail to please on the 1st or 101st time playing.

Now, ''GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE, YOU NERD!''

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 01/20/02, Updated 01/20/02