Ghostbusters

"A terrible, miserable, horrible movie-based game!"

I have two words describing this lame excuse for a movie-based game: it farts! Although I've never seen the movie, I'll watch it one of these days. But, after playing the game based on it, I swore to my tortured self that I would never play it again!

First of all, you have to drive all over New York City and collect enough money to buy equipment...okay, that's pretty normal. But, don't the Ghostbusters make their own gadgets, especially Egon (I've seen the animated series, by the way)? You can't even get enough money to buy every item on the list; and, you'll never have enough time to gain more and more money, since there is a time limit throughout the whole game; if the PK energy reaches 9,999, then guess what? You lose. Also, while you're traveling throughout the streets to the next ghost-hunting spot, cars always get in your way, and there is barely any chance of passing the trail without hitting any gas kegs that appear in the middle of nowhere. If the fuel runs out, you're taken to the Gas Station (which has a ''GS'' sign that was obviously written by someone who can't spell three-letter words); and, that is a waste of time and money. In fact, if you run out of gas with no money left, it's all over in thirty seconds.

Next, you're at a ghost site, where you see two men who look more like plumbers than Ghostbusters. You control one of the two men as you try to lure orange, green-eyed ghosts into a laser which you use to bring them over to the ghost trap. Then, you send the ghost trap's beam upwards, and any ghosts in its path will be vaccuumed into the trap, especially the ghosts caught in the two men's lasers. Of course, the game won't let you catch all the ghosts because they were programmed to chicken out at will. On top of that, you have a short amount of time, which makes things worse.

Finally, when the time comes, you must head for the Zuul building, which is incredibly long and tedious! You control the three retarded-looking guys who were drawn by the programmers' kindergarten children and programmed by people who probably didn't know the meaning of the word ''run''. You tap A over and over, while avoiding ghosts that try to kill you. The ghosts are always successful (unless you're lucky), and there's nothing you can do to keep them from touching you. You don't have any weapons, for crying out loud! Once you're tagged about five times or so, the game's over and you get the last of this undersized junk heap's crud.

Now one with the ratings.

Graphics 3/10

The game design, like I said, looked as though a kindergarten class worked on the whole project. And, there were no teachers or supervisors taking charge of that project!

Audio 1/10

There are about three sound effects, plus a voice clip that is incredibly lame and lacks that something special that the real ''Ghostbusters!'' shout has. And, there is only one BGM: the Ghostbusters theme. But, this is the only one; when it reaches the end, it repeats all over again. So, it'd be wise to hit the mute button unless you want to be a mental case.

Play Control 5/10

Average in a pathetic way is how I describe the play control. It's all right in the driving and ghost-busting scenes, but it's totally tarnished when you're in Zuul. You press A (as mentioned earlier) to move the three-man team of Ghostbusters. Problem is, they're way too slow! I've met snails that ran faster than those so-called ''Ghostbusters''.

Rate of Aftertaste Very, Very Weak

The first Ghostbusters game is DIS-tasteful! The concept of buying equipment is pointless, and it's way too difficult to finish the game! The only way you'll ever beat Ghostbusters is by luck. But, I can assure you -- there's absolutely NO WAY anyone will actually enjoy playing this lame excuse for a Ghostbusters game. I'd rather be cleaning kitty litter boxes with my bare hands and accidentally wiping the sweat off my forehead, with litter and streaks of poop on it than play this piece of dirt.

So, remember, kids -- when you see this terrible, miserable, horrible game, the best thing to do is run away screaming! People might call you crazy, but if they had experienced Ghostbusters on NES, they would do exactly the same thing!

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 07/01/02, Updated 09/07/03