Raid 2020

""Winners Fight Drugs""

You know you're in trouble when you turn on the game and see that ever so kind reminder on the title screen. WINNERS FIGHT DRUGS! Are you going to be a winner by playing this game? Hell, no.

Raid 2020 is a gem of an unlicensed game from Color Dreams, creators of the fabled powdered blue NES cartridge. Yes, if they're remembered for anything it should be for the color of their crappy carts and nothing else. As it stands, unlicensed NES games are infamous for their seemingly unparalleled level of uber-cruddiness. Believe it or not, Raid 2020 breaks practically all those levels of horridness.

I try to be fair to games and at least make a valid attempt at beating them before I review them. I could only stomach Raid 2020 up to stage two, and as far as I'm concerned, by forcing myself to play through the first stage I've already done what a more sane person wouldn't have.

Stage one has you walking across a pier, your mission being to KILL ALL THE DRUG DEALERS IN SIGHT!!! That's great, Color Dreams. Way to send a positive anti-drug message...

The way to end the drug problem in America is simple. Don't rehabilitate or offer treatment. No. Instead, KILL ALL THE DRUG DEALERS IN SIGHT!

Okay, so maybe I'm reading a bit too much into the game. Whatever... If the DEA knew that such shitty anti-drug propaganda existed, I'm certain that they'd feel inclined to change a few of their policies. Or at least offer an apology to everyone unfortunate enough to have purchased this video game.

In addition to Drug Dealers trying to bring your drug-busting-ass down, there are also... *gasp* EVIL BUTTERFLIES AND BIRDS TRYING TO KILL YOU!!! Yes. Forget the gun toting drug pushers, mother nature has it in for you with her army of insects and small flying animals. Not to mention the bird crap that the birds will try to hit you with! Ouch... And what the hell is up with the birds anyway? They look like some form of ASCII art gone bad or something! There's also land mines on the pier that you have to avoid. Land mines... ON A ****ING PIER? WTF?!?

The graphics are putrid, and it's not just the birds, kiddies. It's everything. They're unimaginative, dull and muddy looking. They're only a marginal step up from what you could get on the Atari 2600, if that.

The sound is even worse. The blips and bleeps from the 2600 era are here and in full force. I swear to God that the grating little diddy it plays when you die was ripped directly off of Cookie Monster's Adventure from that system. Jeebus Christ, it's awful. Have some Advil at the ready, because if you play this game for only a minute with the sound turned on you're going to need it. Bad.

The gameplay is laughable. They tried to get some sort of funky isometric thing going on and it failed miserably. Moving left to right is easy enough, but when you move up or down you automatically move at what to you will be diagonally. Of course, this is only in stage one though. In stage two you're treated to something special!!! You get to ride on a speedboat in what is supposed to be some sort of Louisiana Bayou inspired type stage. SURPRISE! The game still sucked beyond what words could describe. I turned it off when what was supposed to be a shark jumped out of the water to attack me. When he surfaced, he looked more like a dolphin with an attitude. At that point I realized I had had enough with playing zookeeper, and went outside to kill a few drug dealers, y'know, just so I could be a winner.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 10/17/02, Updated 10/17/02