Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

"Disasterpiece"

Whoops. That is what the developers for Heroes of the Lance should have been saying when they made this game. Whoever made this sad game should be shoved in a pit full of raging cannibals. That would be pretty funny. I don’t think that there is one good part of this game. For some reason a gaming company where everybody wears helmets thought that people would want to buy this game. If you have a gun and want to put it to a destructive use, then buy Heroes of the Lance! This game is why people suffer from depression.

Sound: 1/10
The sound is worse than having to listen to Good Charlotte for six hours nonstop. The music is very harsh for NES standards. Nothing in the sound department can even qualify as poor!

Graphics: 1/10
Now I know what it is like to take a zillion hits of acid! Either that or it teaches you the experience of being a blind gamer. I dare you to try to take a guess at what is going on in this game. I dare you. I give the world permission to all egg the houses of the graphical artists on the team for Heroes of the Lance. It’s games like these that terrorists use to torture prisoners by taping open their eyes and playing Heroes of the Lance.

Gameplay: 1/10
Gameplay is key to having a great game. Whoops, I guess Heroes of the Lance failed that too! Big surprise. Anybody who had fun with the gameplay part of this game should check themselves into a sanitarium. I had had fun with Heroes of the Lance my own special way: I played baseball with it! After that I gave it to an Indian tribe and they torched it! Seriously, there is nobody who can possibly have fun with this game. Even the people who like dungeons and dragons (not me) will not have a fun experience.

Replay Value: 1/10
I am having tons of problems finding the replay value. Oh wait; there isn’t any replay value? I was just checking.

Challenge: 10/10
It is a challenge to play this game any further than the title screen. It is also a challenge to find someone who actually likes Heroes of the Lance!

Control: 1/10
Do we really need another game with real bad control people? I think not. I wish not. The thing that you control (I think it is a person… I don’t know!) decides to not even answer you. If you are lucky, it will do something, but it is not what you wanted it to do. Why didn’t the developers put a sign on the box that says “Warning! Your character will never do what you want it to do!”? It is a mystery in life that may never be answered.

Game Time: 1/10
You know what?! I didn’t even play the game for more than fifteen minutes before I smashed into a million pieces! As far as it took for the game cartridge to break, well, not that long.

Heroes of the Lance is quite possibly the worst game ever made not just for the NES, but it may the worst game in the history of video games! How someone can have fun playing a game like Heroes of the Lance, I don’t know. There is no good part about this game at all. No good graphics, gameplay, control, sound, or replay value makes Heroes of the Lance not worth anybody’s time. If you want to quench your appetite for destruction, then give Heroes of the Lance a shot with a colt .45. Thank God this is such a rare game because if it weren’t, we would have a world that looks like the future in the Terminator’s perspective. It is games like these that may cause insanity.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 01/31/03, Updated 01/31/03