Baby Boomer

"Seriously. What the hell is this?"

Some ideas are better left unsaid. Some actions are better left undone. And horribly stupid games like Baby Boomer are better left unmade. If you see this game in a store waiting to be sold, do not buy it. There is a reason it is sitting there. Whys that you ask? Well because it sucks. This has got to be, hands down, the stupidest idea ever thought up for a video game. Who in their right mind would sponsor an idea like this for a game? Baby Boomer was one of the unlicensed games on the NES. It is on a blue cartridge, but no matter how appealing this sounds to you, don't be deceived into purchasing it. When Color Dreams (haven't heard of them? There's a reason for that too) created this game they failed at the most simple of tasks. This P.O.S. game wont even fit into my NES unless I apply an unorthodox amount of force. Plus, once its in it isn't coming out, and when all your friends come over they will get to see how stupid you are for playing a game like this. Obviously this is the only way anyone could be conned into continuously playing this game. Please don't even read the rest of this review this game sucks. Just take my word for it.

Gameplay – 1/30
I warned you… Well there is this little baby that crawls slowly across the screen. He crawls from one end of the level to the other. Waiting for him hidden in bushes, trees, etc. are (cover your children's ears now) bugs, birds, ants and snakes. O no! If any of these horribly disgusting beasts of nature touches the baby he dies. This is where you unfortunately come in. You use the controller to control where to aim and shoot. You must shoot the enemies before they can reach the baby. After about, O I don't know, 2 minutes, the gameplay will get lame. I mean really lame. After 2 minutes I was upset that I couldn't point the gun at the dumb baby and shoot him instead of the enemies. You also must shoot various objects, like clouds, to sprinkle a bridge of water in front of the baby's path so he doesn't blindly crawl off a cliff. Also scattered through out the level are misc. items that will increase your score as you shoot them. God this game is so lame. Don't read the rest of this review. It won't get better. Seriously…

Funfactor- 1/20
Wow, you must be really determined eh? Well guess what? This game isn't fun. I hope I didn't surprise you there. If I did, I am not sorry. Once again I REPEAT THIS GAME IS NOT FUN. Baby Boomer is boring and stupid. The only fun part of this game would be enacting the countless ideas that are circling inside my mind, at this very instant, of how I could mutilate this worthless game. Don't scroll down. You know how this will continue…

Control – 1/15
Sigh… You move an aimer around the screen and shoot stuff. How basic is that? How could controls not be good? Well ask Color Dreams because they succeeded in making them terrible. You hit the A button to shoot, but it doesn't work all the time; only occasionally. It seemed so easy, but it was still executed terribly. How can a control concept be so simple and not work well? Who knows? I would ask the Color Dreams staff if they weren't all out of jobs and living on welfare.

Graphics – 1/15
These graphics are bad. Really bad. I can barely tell what each object on the screen is. Ill be playing and wonder, “is that a bird or some part of the terribly detailed background elements.” I would love to provide you with the answer if I knew it. Also it seems as if the game uses the same 8 colors over and over. Evidently the creators didn't pass 1st grade, and weren't taught more than the 8 basic colors. Too bad. Hit the BACK button so you don't get to read the rest of this review

Music/Sound – 1/15
The producers of this game evidently took the whole baby concept too seriously, as it seems they went ahead and let a bunch of little babies design the music for this game. The tunes (if you can call them thought) consist of a bunch of nursery rhyme rip-offs. The sound is bad and the only sound the game actually makes, is the sound of your gun shooting. Which sounds like the repeated and continuously used splashing sound. Don't know what I'm talking about? Play this stupid game and you will. Wait, did I tell you to play this game? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that…

Story – 1/5
The baby is lost. You must see to it, that it finds his mother. So understandably you must grab the nearest gun and proceed to shoot every object in its path. Well on the planet I am from you don't do that. Most people would pick the baby up and take him to his mother, or try to. So stupid. So very stupid…

Replayability/Lastability (Bonus) – 0/5
I can't play through this game once. Therefore I would imagine playing through it more than once would be rather difficult.

Conclusion – 6/100

Pros
- Don't kid yourself. There are none.

Cons
- Bad gameplay.
- Not fun to play.
- Control concept is easy, but sucks.
- Terrible graphics, using only 8 colors.
- No replayability. I guess playability would be more just.
- Lame music.
- Don't even get me started on the story!

I am amazed you actually sat through this lame review, which I shouldn't have wasted my time to write. If I had a medal I would send you one, but I don't =(. Anyways… Baby Boomer has racked up an amazing (sarcasm) score of 1 in every category. This means the game is, *drum roll*, worthless. Baby Boomer goes to show that just because a game is hard to find, that doesn't mean its good. The reason it is hard to find is because it sucks, and was purchased by no one, therefore very little of it was produced. Another reason this game will be hard to find is because after I submit this review, I will proceed to go to every store that sells old school NES games, look for this game, buy it, then destroy it in front of 15+ people in the parking lot. Avoid this game. It is the definition or trash.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 03/01/04, Updated 06/07/04