Fester's Quest

"The game that made my therapist a rich man..."

First, i'd like to share a story. Summer of '92, I was but a wee lad. Only 7 or 8, an impressionable youngster delving into the obsessive hobby of gaming.

However, I do wish that, at times, games back then had big, red warning labels reading: Do not pay $50 for this trash! And what do I do in June of that year? No, I didn't blow the $50 for this game. I squandered $100! On this, and Wall Street Kid. Review on the latter will be pending. But for now, on with the topic at hand!

The basic story isn't all that impressive. Like all corny sci-fi movies of my generation's time, aliens randomly appear and stir up some trouble. In this case, kidnapping random townsfolk. And, if memory serves correctly, Gomez Addams.

Uncle Fester (hereby known as Disgustingly Bald Goon) witnesses this while moon bathing and has quite the spooked expression on his face. Yeah... spooked... looks like something else to me, ladies and gents.

Okay, crappy story, you get the idea. What about the rest? I'll be as fair as possible.

Graphics: 2/10

The visuals leave alot to be desired. Basic landscapes are so-so. Disgustingly Bald Goon's animation looks awkward, no matter how you cut it. His main arsenal, at first, is limited to an oddly shaped gun. Huh.. gun? Looks like half of a magnet to me. Later he does get a a whip, looking more and more phallic upon each upgrade.

The biggest eyesore is the psuedo-3D buildings you frequent. You thought Doom and Descent gave you headaches? Try this, I dare you. Double your money back, guaranteed.

Sounds/Music: 3.5/10

If you were to rip an OST from this game, it'd only have about six or seven tracks. And really, only the boss music is memorable enough to add to your pirated music collection. The psuedo 3D dungeons also has an androgynous droning to it... but really nothing you'd wanna steal for your late-night D&D sessions. It doesn't add to the mood, it induces sleep.

To prove how uncreative and uninspired Sunsoft was, ask yourself: Have I played Blaster Master? If you have, alot of sound bytes from that marvelous game and plastered onto this Color Dreams-esque garbage. 'Nuff said.

Game play: 2/10

I told you this review wouldn't be pretty... Remember when I stated Disgustingly Bald Goon moves awkwardly? Well, he also moves slow. And to confirm your worst fears, yes, he CAN move slower. My advice to you? Avoid any gnats flying about and carry a nice stock of vice grips.

Depending on your upgrade, your gun is either your best friend or worst foe. Some shots, like the mini-boomerangs, move under an odd volition, fluttering about. Sometimes missing their mark. More advice? Take the time to upgrade your gun nicely before the first boss battle.

The biggest pain, life is very, very limited. You start off with two bars. And its to my understanding there are very few upgrades. The induced stress level of this game is certainly on par with Friday the 13th.

You might be asking yourself, is it still worth playing? My opinion, no. Stay away from it, never speak of it again, and let it fade into obscurity.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 07/15/05