Baby Boomer

"Don't kick the baby!"

Yes, why kick the baby? Shooting him would be much more enjoyable. I won't sugar-coat this review. In all honesty, this is a BAD game. If you see this game, you'll know right off the bat. It was never licensed by Nintendo which is obvious for a number of reasons. First, it's a light blue color and really oddly shaped, making it difficult to even fit in the NES in the first place. Second, it is just too horrible to be released on any system in the first place. The concept is mind-numbingly simple. You are not the baby. You are yourself...with a gun. Your mission? To shoot everything that might make the baby sad. The light gun (you know, the one that you use with Duck Hunt?) can be used to ward off any baddie that might find its way towards the wondering infant. These baddies include snakes, bugs, and evil skeleton zombies. Yes, I did say evil skeleton zombies. As sad as it is to admit, this game did open up a new genre of games. The "Protect the wondering character from getting killed by walking off of cliffs" idea is this game's doing. Seriously, though. It did inspire other, better, games such as Yoshi's Touch 'n' Go for the Nintendo DS.

Story-
The story has something to do with a baby being separated from his dear mommy. I wonder what kind of irresponsible mother can lose a baby that can barely crawl! I blame today's troublesome youth on parents like Boomer's. Poor Boomer has a mother that probably doesn't even realize he is missing. Regardless, you cannot control the baby, if that was what you were thinking. Okay, so much for story. I'm certain the other categories will be better.

Graphics-
I was wrong, this category wasn't better. The graphics are pretty good...for an Atari 5200 game. The baby is composed of a mass of peach-colored pixels that looks like a baby with a little imagination. There's some white near the backside, so I'm guessing that's the diaper. Levels all look hand-drawn which is refreshing from the pixilated stages of nearly every other NES game of its time. Sadly, the hand-drawn items like trees and bushes aren't very well drawn in the first place, and are used way too often. I kid you not when I say there is only one tree in the first level that appears dozens of times over again. Amazingly, the levels have a staggering 16 colors each which makes me wonder if the games in the future will ever be this brilliant. (That was sarcasm, by the way.) Sprites for bottles of milk and clouds are so far beyond bland, I needed to start making up new words to describe them. The most interesting word I came up with to describe the game's graphics is "Superbland." Anyways, as you move on to later stages, a few interesting concepts open up. I was surprised to find lightning in the cemetery level that shows the location of hidden baby bottles and bats. That is about as far as innovation goes, graphic-wise.

Sound-
Sound? Oh, you must mean the beeping sound of the baby crying, because you will here that one a lot if you aren't careful. The game is even lacking a theme! Mario Brothers had a theme. Maybe if this game did have a theme, it would distract you from how bad it is. I retract the previous statement. Very few things can distract you from how bad this game is. Not even a flower. Did I mention Baby Boomer gets distracted by flowers? When he finds a flower, he'll stop a moment to sniff it before continuing his suicidal journey.

Controls-
While this game is light gun compatible, the basic NES controller works here too. The controller is difficult to use though, so the gun is recommended. That said, the gun is also difficult to use effectively, so use whatever works best for you.

Game play-
"Don't shoot the nuggets! 12 adds a baby!" This is the only advice you are given and it really isn't good advice either. Extra lives are easily obtained once you learn where they are. You use either the NES light gun or an NES controller to shoot clouds, enemies, and bottles of baby formula. "Shooting clouds?" you ask. You shoot clouds so that they rain down upon gaps to form ice bridges that the baby can crawl across. The entire game, the baby slowly crawls forward to the end of the stage. He blissfully crawls towards predators, pits of lava, and off endless cliffs to his own death. This only proves that babies aren't smart. Neither were the people at Color Dreams, the unfortunate company that turned this game loose on unsuspecting people of the early 90's. While playing, the baby's "Milk meter" slowly depletes, and when it's gone, the baby cries. To prevent this ear-sore, you have to make sure the baby has his milk. Simple enough, right? Wrong. You'll be so caught up in keeping the baby from killing himself odds are the other important things (like collecting gold nuggets and extra lives) will be your second priority.

Conclusion-
It must be pretty obvious how much I liked this game. I would not wish it on anyone. There isn't much else to say here except not to buy it. I did get a good laugh when I read the cover of the game that says in fine print, "This product is designed and manufactured by Color Dreams. It is not designed, manufactured, sponsored, or endorsed by Nintendo." Seriously, that was my favorite part of the game. The score: 2/10.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 09/21/05