Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie

"Short, easy, looks great and is full of life, but then again, so was my ex wife."

To tell you the truth I do not have an ex wife, for I am young and not experienced in life, not that I'd marry an easy girl anyway; my wife needs to be as sharp as a knife. My backup plan is marrying an old rich chick, yeah yeah I know this is a pretty vile trick, but why work hard and be the one who pays? See I think with my mind, not with my dick.

Now let's talk 'bout King Kong, some movie based game, the movie was great but the software is lame, if some things were done better it would be worthy of play, but the game was rushed, and that is such a shame. I'll be doing the review in sectioned style, which is better than essay reviews by a long mile, so I hope that you enjoy what I am going to say, and that the rhymes make you smirk or even smile.

Graphics

The graphics are nice and animations flawless, and you wouldn't think twice about the programmers' success, but the framerate drops and long delays, are as annoying as a free throw from Ben Wallace. See the framerate drops, when you take a stick and torch it with fire. Animation stops, when you do things quick and you scorch the sires. And when gameplay slops, and movement's thick unlike a Porsche's tires, like looking from the top, at a hot blond chick and wishing the porch was higher, so close to the crop, yet no one picks at the birch and admires. You're an angry cop, and you're simply sick because the search requires, a smooth clean screen, but it isn't serene, and the results are dire.

[Okay what I'm trying to say here is that it's frustrating to have such great graphics but very low stability of number of frames per second, though the great graphics are the reason for this instability, so you're so close to seeing cool graphics, but you never actually go there unless you stand still and do very simple things]

The framerate alone ruins everything, and the graphics shown will not be seen, except maybe for undeveloped mentally ill teens, who see things as 15 frame per second scenes. Such a shame since the game has forced widescreen.

Sound

The sounds make the whole island come to life, already did the -ife rhyme so I'll come up with a different word, all the sounds are superbly done and are a joy to be heard, and pull you inside when otherwise the screen is blurred (framerate drop), everything, from a dinosaur to a spider sounds great, to the water, to fire, to the guns to the birds.

But what really steals the show is the voice acting sound, the movie actors do the roles and quality is still found, the screaming is realistic and sounds really profound, and horrible pain and excrutiating agony can be heard in full surround, so throwing yourself in molten lava is the cool way to go down.

Gameplay

It's a first person shooter with puzzle elements, but puzzles happen to occupy more of the content, the puzzles are easy and boring and repetitive, so much that you'll be doing the same old event. And shooting is bare bones, nothing new to comment. Kong moves in extremely linear paths, while fighting those who incur his wrath, I felt like playing a rail shooter, because I had as much freedom as being in a bath.

Value

Four hours long, if you take your time. It took me that much to make this rhyme!

Story

Same as the movie, you're on some island with mysterious creatures, it's not anything groovy, and doesn't contain any interesting features. You fight your way out and save the girl, while allies shout and monsters swirl.

Final

This game is good looking, flat, boring, short, bad at cooking, a brat, a whore, glum, poor, from an educated family, insecure and dumb. Just like ex wife so don't succomb to Peter Jackson's name and buy this cash-in scum.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 08/14/06