Rumble Roses

"A match for every breast."

Hey reader, this is an all female wrestling game! Oh I have your attention now! Konami has made Rumble Roses, their answer to Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball. Basically it's a wrestling game with all kinds of ladies in very tight and very little clothing. If only it was as good as it sounds.

STORY
Some unknown woman is hosting a wrestling tournament, and only the top women wrestlers in the world can get the grand prize. The grand prize would be a lotta cash by the way. And what a cast of characters we get. Every hot woman stereotype you can think of. The schoolgirl, cowgirl, nurse, ninja...it's something else that's for sure. And each lady has a mysterious past and their own big reasons for entering the tournament. At least I think so anyway. The story was so boring I found it hard to pay attention.

GRAPHICS
If you wanna see hot anime girls, you've come to the right place. The graphics are great...and as you can guess the ladies have splendid breast physics. They also have really slutty clothing. Seriously there are a lot of costumes where they're just one tug away from a nipple being exposed. The graphics are nice. Though aside from the girls and the ring, there isn't much to see.

SOUND
The audio is horrendous. Right off the bat they start with this terrible version of a song that's close to my heart, Yankee Rose. It sounds stupid because David Lee Roth didn't do it. As if that wasn't bad enough, the voice acting is terrible. Seriously did these girls know they were doing a wrestling game? It's a painful story mode to listen to, not just for the terrible acting, but also because the dialogue is ridiculous and poorly written. They also talk during matches, stuff like "Get up!" and "NOOO!" It gets annoying after awhile.

GAMEPLAY
The gameplay doesn't live up. It is nothing more than eye candy and really that's about it. It's a wrestling game that uses the same engine as the WWE Smackdown! games, only changes the controls completely to be either easier or confusing. There are only 2 types of matches. That's right, only 2. A normal match, and a Mud Wrestling Match. And both are really the same except one is in mud.

In case you haven't noticed, this game objectifies women. Just a tad. So I don't know if the female audience are going to be playing this one anytime soon. Another downer about these 2 matches, it's ONLY 1 on 1. No tag-team matches, no handicaps, nothing. 2 Matches in the whole game with no variations at all. Wow. How much replayability do you think this game should have? None. The only thing you unlock in this game is a profile page for your lady, and the ability to wear a swimsuit in the ring. Woo hoo.

One thing I did like about the game was that they have a face/heel system, or good/evil system for those who aren't in the know. Basically at the start of matches you can choose to accomplish these vows, and depending on which ones you do, you become more good or evil. If you cross the line, you're good character can turn evil, and get a whole new personality and entrance. I thought that was neat. Naturally I turned everyone evil, because I like the bad girls. That was a neat feature. But that's it.

IN THE END...
This game is nothing more of a rental, but even then it fails. Look, get a Smackdown! game instead of this one. Heck, get the SNES wrestling games because those had more than 2 matches too! I'm sorry but selling this hot girl wrestling thing with only 2 match types to play with is a stupid idea. Selling a game on hot females isn't the way you do business. It's sorta fun, but after your tenth match you'll be tired of the game.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 10/11/06