God Hand

"Have you ever wanted to "uppercut a punkass?""

BRILLIANT! Psycho-crazy-wicked style action meets offbeat and slapstick humor! Did you catch that? I thought I was losing my mind playing this game; how can a new-school beat 'em up be this freakin' awesome?! God Hand delivers the goods, in a tightly wadded bundle of fast action, knuckle-side-up.

Story - 7

Clover tried to make a cohesive story, but it falls flat on its face. You were given the God Hand by a sadistic (yet hot as hell) girl by the name of Olivia for services rendered. Next stop? Go pummel the crap out of some demons and punks.

Sound - 9

The sound in this game shines on like a crazy diamond. Quirky and upbeat in many areas, God Hand breaks the rules of action games and throws the most hilarious music and sound effects that your PS2 could ever offer. It's kind of like playing GTA: San Andreas to the soundtrack of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ridiculous, silly, and completely out of place for most other games in the genre, the sound is right at home here. SMACK! POW! CRUNCH! CRACK! Even the feminine moans delivered during a spanking sequence punctuate the gameplay in ways that few other developers have tried to touch. The speech is only a little stilted, with some awkward moments here and there (Any time Gene is speaking to Olivia) but for the most part is great. The dialogue will put you in stitches of laughter, second only to the goofy sound effects and music.

Graphics - 7

The textures are almost laughably bad. Bottles are painted onto liquor racks, doors have almost no dimension or depth, and there's so many sharp edges that a stumble could lead to a gashed head. The level design is ho-hum (Man, I hate using that phrase!) relying on the color brown more than is probably healthy. The character models, on the complete and opposite (God) hand are quite detailed. The logo on Gene's duster to Olivia's creepy smile, to the mohawks on punks and facial expressions of Cobra Twist victims, everything that moves looks damned good. It's a shame that more work didn't go into the level design, though...

Control - 8

The controls are Tank-style. What, are you surprised? Shinji Mikami is the director, for crying out loud; The man INVENTED TANK CONTROLS! Are they a liability? Sometimes, particularly when surrounded by a group of thugs and all you want to do is run off in a safe direction. To help you out a bit, you have a quick turn, but other than that, you'll point and shoot off into the direction you need to go. All your important moves are mapped to easy-to-reach buttons, making it a snap to use Roulette wheels, combos, and the God Hand. Dashing is accomplished by a double tap of the stick, which is usually cake to pull of in a bind. What would have been nice is an actual lock-on button; there are times when you'll be attacking someone that you really weren't aiming at, but most of the time the controls won't hiccup.

Gameplay - 10

This *is* a perfect beat 'em up, gameplay-wise. Adjustable difficulty, a plethora of moves, weapons, destructible environments, and mini-games will keep you occupied for at least a few weeks. Want the game to be harder? Break an enemy's guard, do ridiculously large combos, and don't get hit. Too much heat? Take a few smacks to the face, and that difficulty will come down a notch. Cornered? Unleash the God Hand for amazing damage and invincibility; this makes "Devil Trigger" harmless by comparison. The Roulette wheel offers an alternative to punching and kicking, instead being more like a "Super meter" that you can pull devastating moves from. Bored with spanking dominatrices, stomping thugs, and busting bosses? Go cool off with a hand of Blackjack! It is damn near IMPOSSIBLE to get bored with this game. Building combos, fighting jerks, and saving the day has never been so stylish, fun, and gut-bustingly funny.

Overall - 9

God Hand is not the best game ever made. Nor should it be- Clover made this game hard (Ever hear of a game called Viewtiful Joe?) and that's going to be a turnoff to armchair heroes who aren't veterans of action games. Like action? Buy it now. Never played a Clover game? Rent it. Those who appreciate a good rock-em-sock-em battle will all worship the new God in town.

...

Just don't speak to Olivia when you do.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 12/18/06