Destroy All Humans! 2

"Wha... My name's in this game!?!?!?"

After numerous accounts of people asking if my username was a reference to this game, I have finally decided to rent this game out of sheer curiosity to see what "Sacred Crotch" is significant of.

Story: 5/10

So... you're a little blue-ish alien named Cryptosporidium who is tasked with destroying humans. There's stuff that leads up to this, like your mothership getting annihilated, but I didn't really care for anything about the story. For one, the "sacred crotch" is nothing more than Cryptosporidium's groinal region (which is somehow capable of reproductive functions... who knew?). Another thing is that you're supposed to convert humans to some funky religious cult called "Arkvoodle". I thought the goal was to destroy humans, not make peace with them and make them join your Sunday school class!

Gameplay: 8/10

The gameplay consists of free-roaming sandbox style play without any of the things that make sandboxes fun. First off, your sand is a bunch of dim-witted humans who stand around asking you to kill them. There are cars and other vehicles you can toss around with your mental powers, but this is only fun until you realize that there's no point in doing it.

Soldiers will try to kill you iff you cause too much havoc, but they're so easy to kill. All you have to do is have them appear on screen and pull the fire button and they're as good as dead.

You'll pilot a UFO sometimes, but it controls about as well as snowboarding on a barstool. You can only go up and down so much, and movement feels very floaty (although it should be, it IS a UFO after all...). You don't do much except fire a laser at stuff. Period.

You can't do anything outside of run around killing people or taking pointless missions from people (who you should be KILLING). No jacking cars, no interesting buildings, nothing. The most fun you'll have with this game is levelling the Tokyo Tower with a huge meteor. Seriously.

Graphics: 6/10

The graphics are awfully bloomy, with light radiating off of virtually every object it hits. The texture quality is deplorable, and the models for everything are just hideous. Ragdoll physics are the best part, with people flailing around wildly and realistically as they hit things. Unfortunately, people don't take any visible damage, so you won't see any limbs flying off to give you a satisfying kill. Vehicles all become a blackened lump of itself, and it gets really bland after a while.


Sound: 9/10

This game's saving grace is it's audio quality. Voice acting is spot on, and Crypto's Jack Nicholson-esque voice is simply amazing. The dialogue is funny, and you'll be laughing your way through the game as you hear the various lines and spoken words people will utter as you lay waste to their world.

Hippies, for example, will say negative things about the Vietnam war. Cops will complain about how they don't get paid enough, the british police will say stuff about the queen, and so forth. You'll even hear people say "Hey look! It's John Glenn!" as you pass them by. There's much detail in this area of the game.

The soundtrack is also very well put together. It sets the mood for each environment very well, from the modernesque sounds of Bay City, to the Asian-themed tunes in Takoshima. You'll also find the occasional radio blaring in the world, playing a song that is characteristic of the time and location. All in all, very awesome.


Replay Value: 0/10

You can only play this game once and enjoy it... The jokes will seem recycled the next time through, killing the fun of it. It's a good thing I only had a week with it, because I don't think I would've remembered to take it back. It's a very forgettable game....

Conclusion

I'm not very impressed by this game. I was expecting something better from a game containing my username. It's good while it lasts, but you'll only run through it once. Then it will merely be a memory.

Final Score: 5/10

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 01/28/08

Game Release: Destroy All Humans! 2 (US, 10/17/06)