Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

"Like Sands of Time, Minus Charm, Fun, and Music"

I don't even know where to begin. The story is full of holes, I feel like I'm playing a cheap porn game (like those old Atari games... the graphics aren't much better), the 30 second loop of ONE METAL SONG is good and steadily worse, the controls are worse than before, the enemies are dull, the Prince isn't likeable. It's like someone took a crap on Sands of Time. Gone is the great art, replaced with... red... and black. Fun. Don't buy this piece of garbage. Ubisoft just made this thing more "adult" to increase sales. A cheap cash in.

Graphics - Like Sands of Time, but uglier. And the Prince looks stupid in game. It was fine in Sands of Time because he was young, but I really just wanted to send the Prince to bed. And all the female characters wear the least amount of clothing without getting on AO rating. Yeah... not sexy.

Sound - Great music when you aren't in a fight. Pure awfulness while you are.

Story - Time Paradox. Exciting. Fill in the holes. Like I should be doing with these sentences. This game is so uninspired.

Prince - Wow, somebody needs a spanking. No longer a likeable hero, he's now a spoiled brag who thinks he's tough. Just shut up, I don't want to hear your one-liners 50 times in one fight.

Shadee - The first over sexualized enemy, she wears such a small amount of armor that it boggles the mind. Spoiler coming... not like you care. You kill her by stabbing her in the stomach. It's her own fault for wearing minimal armor. Sadly, she's probably the best character in the game.

Empress of Time - Inspired name. Dull, not sexy, stupid. Another brag. Perfect for the Prince to fall in love with. Oops. Another spoiler. Oh well. At least you get to kill her in the bad ending.

Fate - Can't remember the things name, looks like Darkside from Kingdom Hearts. Very cool. Talks backwards... like Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven. True evil. I actually got interested in the action when he was on screen. He's trying to kill the Prince because of the whole lame time paradox thing. The best thing in the game by far.

That's it. Please don't buy this game. Really, I'd recommend Custer's Revenge over this piece of garbage. If you really want to make yourself suffer, buy a 360 and microwave it. RROD is more fun than this. Buying a house is more fun than this. Smashing the disc with a hammer is more fun than this. Don't play this game.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 07/14/08

Game Release: Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (US, 11/30/04)