Final Fantasy XII

"A "Final Fantasy" first for me: I could not finish it."

O, Final Fantasy! What hast become of thy great legacy? Thou hast ridden thy twelfth game with consternation most dire...oh, sorry. The faux-British, high-falootin' speech (with which Final Fantasy 12 is simply rife) has messed with my brain.

All joking aside, Final Fantasy 12 accomplished what I thought no Final Fantasy ever would. One day, after a particularly numbing play session, I put down the controller and shut off the game. And I haven't turned it back on since. I haven't. Turned it back on. Since. This is a travesty. Final Fantasy games have long been the bane of my husband's existence. When I brought home a new one, he could expect not to speak to me for days, weeks even! I would be so engrossed that entire weekends would slip away into RPG heaven. I can hear you now: "If you never finished it, you can't give it a fair review." Oh, but the most damning thing about FF 12 is that I never finished it. Me, a confirmed FF hermit, could not muster the will to finish. And that's saying something.

Let's start with the Good and progress slowly downward:

Graphics: 7/10

I give very little relevance to "awesome graphics", which I consider to be only icing on an RPG cake. Most games like to be flashy and show off outstanding visuals, and FF 12 is no different, and being from Square it is sure to please. Or is it? While the FMVs are really, really cool (especially the opening sequence: it rivals Final Fantasy 8's in heart-pounding excitement), and I found the airship design to be sleek and pleasant, the in-game visuals are as bland as my Mom's mashed potatoes. There are a lot of browns and greys in the color pallette, especially in dungeons and deserts, where everything starts to look the same after a while. The characters themselves are either incredibly bland or rip-offs of older game designs (like Vaan, whom I affectionately dub "Tidane"). Everyone has this blonde, washed-out look to them. I shouldn't have to peer furrow-browed at my screen because I can't tell Vaan from Ashe in the menu. Sure, older character designs were often laughably wacky, but at least you could tell who's who at all times. If their personalities had been sharply drawn, it would've been less of a problem (we'll get to that later).

Sound: 7/10

The music, though nothing spell-binding, does not make my ears bleed. It is appropriate for situations and cinematic in feel. Voice acting is always hit-or-miss with most people and purely a matter of opinion. While I had nothing bad to say about the choice of voices for the characters, I do have a lot to say about the previously mentioned "faux-British" thing and the "ye olde" crap that all the actors are doing. (Vaan and Penelo seem to be the only ones talking normally.) Why does everyone think that fake accents and pretentious dialogue make a story "good"? Balthier's actor is the only one who can do a decent accent and not sound like he's in a high school Shakespeare production. Besides, such nonsense also wrings any humor from the already humorless script. I found myself rolling my eyes all the time. If you want a British feel, hire real British voice actors. Otherwise, stop "putting on a voice" and speak naturally.

Gameplay: 5/10

At first, I had lots of fun. I like the old turn-based, but I was totally open to a new way. Final Fantasy is all about experimenting with new battle systems and ways to level up, and if you have been playing for any number of years you get used to the changes. The real-time in 12 was much more enjoyable than, say, in the chaotic X-2, where so much is happening you can barely think straight. But soon, cracks start to show in the system, and first being Gambits. As others have mentioned here, Gambits set up an AI that's too simplistic. For instance, I can set it up that Penelo always "Steal" as her first move. But I can't stop her from not stealing if the enemy has been shown to possess nothing, nor can I have her only Steal once. She will continue to Steal until I tell her not to. And if battle becomes frenzied and I forget to get back to her, she'll revert back to uselessly Stealing while the rest of my party are getting pummeled. Why have a Steal gambit, then, you ask? Well, there's never enough Loot, it seems. "Auto-Stealing" is a fast way to Steal more Loot without having to input the command at every turn (also a time-waster). This actually leads me into why the Gameplay is broken:

Balance, balance, balance!

As in, this game has none. Okay, so you only get a few Gambits at the beginning. Understandable. But then you must buy more, not, say, earn them or gain them as you level. You also must buy Teckniks (sp?), Magick and weapons in addition to gaining the required License Points (LPs) to even use them. This would not be so bad if gil were plentiful, but you are always poor. New weapons can cost tens of thousands of gil apiece and Loot never nets you enough cash. You are constantly grinding to earn enough Loot to trade for gil to perform the leanest of upgrades. This is not at all fun. It feels like a biting commentary on real life, where a person can work 50 hours a week and still not earn enough to make rent. This is how playing Final Fantasy 12 feels. The horrible License Board only adds to the frustration. At first, it seems really cool, until you realize that 1)You have no idea which way to go (the layout is completely unintuitive) and you end up wasting precious LP on abilities that are useless 2) as mentioned before, you must buy AND unlock these abilities with LPs and 3)Everyone has the same License Board!! With all the same stat bonuses, abilites and weapons! It would have been so much cooler if everyone had his or her own unique Board that you could discover. And, for future reference, Squeenix: either earn money to buy abilities OR earn them via LPs. But, Sweet Muscular Jesus, not both!

But, as all Final Fantasy fans know, even the most ill-conceived leveling/ability system (hello, Junctioning!) can be suffered through if the story is good enough. But this leads us into the game's most fatal flaw...

Story/Characterization: 1/10

Really, Squeenix? Really?? This is an RPG? I've known shooters with more personality. Super Mario Brothers 3 for the SNES had a more involved plot! And more developed characters, to boot. I'm angry. I'm also fiercely disappointed.

The beginning is truly majestic and filled with ripe promise: a gallant young prince is senselessly killed in battle(shortly after his wedding day) as his loyal knight looks on in despair. His beautiful widow weeps, then apparently kills herself, while her father the King is murdered in a ruthless coup that puts an ominous would-be emperor in power. Shortly after, you meet young Vaan and Penelo, and are certain that these two will be swept up into an epic adventure that will change their lives forever. Will the grieving widow (you just know she's alive!) ever love again and come to terms with her love's death? What of the disgraced knight accused of murdering his king? What of Balthier and Fran, the sky pirates? What secrets and tragedies lay in their checkered pasts??

Sad to say that the paragraph you just read is actually more dramatic than what happens in game. That's what's so infuriating! That it plants these seeds, cultivates little sprouts of hope, and then tramples on them with big, ugly boots! This game is dungeon-crawling and fetch-quests to the extreme, with no titillating backstories or intrigue, and only expositionary dialogue. Oh, what could have been! None of the characters build any relationship. Lots of people complain that Vaan and Penelo were so useless that they might as well have not even been there. I found so much lost potential in Fran and Balthier. You never find out just what they are to each other. And Ashe...wood has more emotions than that girl. What you see in the beginning movie are pretty much the only real tears she sheds for her husband. The rest of her is just a dour desire to retain her throne. Basch has an interesting set-up, what with his brother and all, but it's just sort of "meh". So many times, I would enter an area and think something big was about to happen, only to be repeatedly let down. A girl can only handle so much disappointment.

So what's left? Well, you can fight. Fight and fight and fight. And, if you want to take a break from the grinding, 12 has just the side-quest: a monster hunt, which involves...you guessed it! Fighting! Yay! Where's the fun? Where's the whimsy? Card games, Chocobo hot/cold and blitzball: however you may feel about these games individually, you can't argue that at least they offered a break from grinding. They also served as an alternate way to earn cool stuff. This game takes itself deadly seriously.

None of the above served as any catalyst to keep playing, and my desire fizzled, never to ignite again. Now, many complain about past Final Fantasy's cheesy lines and "teh drama" and anime plot twists. But I would rather have a cheesy plot than no plot. I would rather have over-dramatic angsty characters than these blank ciphers. I am going to go cry now.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 09/17/08

Game Release: Final Fantasy XII (US, 10/31/06)