Legends of Wrestling

"Ric Who? The Heartbreak WHAT? Sting??? Never heard of 'em!"

I hate this game. There, I said it. That is my unbiased, most truthful feelings about Legends of Wrestling. Before I begin, a funny story about how I came about playing Legends of Wrestling...

It's August of 2002 and I had just recently purchased a Playstation 2. Owning only Metal Gear Solid 2 (a great, but flawed game) at the time, I had the desire for something new. Therefore, I took a trip over to Blockbuster to rent some games. Two games caught my eye: Legends of Wrestling and...State of Emergency! Now, if you know my feelings on State of Emergency, you'd realize that the first games I ever rented for PS2 ended up on my most hated games of all time list, what a coincidence! Now, onto the review.

You may be asking yourself why I hate this game so bad, and you're probably wondering WHY, considering that most everyone else gave this game good reviews. Well, I say ''To each his own,'' and these fine reviewers are, of course, entitled to their own opinions, but if you're a logical person much like myself, you will listen to my review and not theirs, and you will avoid Legends of Wrestling like monkey pox.

First of all, the title throws you off, what with the word ''legends'' in there. Granted, 90% of the characters in the game ARE legends, but the rest...I mean, come ON, One Man Gang a legend?! In what galaxy??? Heck, might as well put A-Train or Giant Gonzales in the next Legends of Wrestling game! And Koko B. Ware??? I can't remember a bigger jobber! Now just think of this, if you wheeeel (Dusty Rhodes impression...sorry): Who in their right mind decided to put these two yahoos in the game over the likes of Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, Sting, Triple-H, Steve Austin, The Rock, The Midnight Express, Randy Savage, Andrew the Giant, Dusty Rhodes, Arn Anderson, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, the list goes on (Note: If any of the mentioned wrestlers ARE in Legends of Wrestling, forgive me, it's been a year since I've played the game). Do you see my point? What person with half a brain who isn't using that half as a kitty litter box for diseased cats would put Koko B. Ware of my lack of wrestling skills over the Nature Boy? Does it make sense? NO!!!

Okay, if you're smart, you're probably thinking, ''Well maybe they couldn't get the licenses for those wrestlers to be in the game,'' or something like that. Okay, if that IS true, then I still stand by my point that One Man Gang and Koko B. Ware of my fancy dance moves! should NOT be in the game.

Phew, okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now, let us move onto the visual department. Graphically, the game is very good; I like the very large, comic look of the wrestlers and everything is very crisp and clear.

Okay, next up is the music/sound effects, both of which suck to no end. Seeing as how the makers of the game were too cheap to procure (look it up) the licenses to the official theme songs that the wrestlers used, they instead just bought a $50 Casio keyboard from K-Mart and decided to make the theme songs themselves. Let's put it this way...the theme songs are torture. If Hell has layers in which the worst of humankind are at the bottom-most layer, as we speak, Hitler and Mussolini are being subjected to the Legends of Wrestling version of Bret Hart's theme.

And besides that, there's NO commentary...none. Zero, zip, zilch, nada, no lo contend re (I know that's gotta be spelled wrong). Okay, I will admit that maybe I am mistaken and maybe there IS commentary. If this is the case, then it is SO BAD that I can't even REMEMBER THERE BEING COMMENTARY IN THE GAME! I mean, imagine that. If it's there, it's so bad that the total concept of it ever existing has been systematically erased from my memory. Think about THAT!

Okay, and finally, we're off to the magical land of control, or in the case of Legends of Wrestling, we're off to the gas chamber to fill our lungs with toxins that could drop an elephant in 3 seconds flat. The controls suck, flat out. Granted, when i rented this travesty, it did not come with an instruction manual, so therefore, I had no idea how to play. But still, I'm a bright young man, I'd be able to figure it out. After all, I've played plenty o' rasslin' games in my time, so I should have been able to figure these controls out, right?

...

RIGHT???

NO!!!! I hate you!

Er...I mean, no, I could not figure the controls out. I played the game a total of...twice, never got one move in, lost both times, and let it collect dust til I had to return it. Let this be a lesson to you, kiddies: Um...well, okay, I really don't have a lesson to teach you. After all, how can you know a game is awful until you actually play it for yourself? Well, in this case, you CAN know that a game is bad cause I told you so. So please, for the love of all that is good, do not rent, borrow, buy, or steal this game; you'll be a better person for it.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 06/22/03, Updated 06/22/03