Britney's Dance Beat

"Oops, they screwed up again..."

Why Britney Spears has a game devoted to her is beyond me, but trust me, you will not be wanting to play it. I rented this a few days ago, mainly because it is sometimes a little fun to play terrible games; games such as Triple Play 2002 and Batman the Arcade game, are humorous because they are so bad. Britney's Dance Beat is not.

Graphics
Well, I must admit that the visuals are of great quality and are very impressive, albeit surprising. The backgrounds are incredibly boring, though, so it had a screen with Britney dancing on it. This would, under normal circumstances be a good idea and would make the graphics more lively, but because it features Britney Spears, this has disastrous effects. How am I supposed to play the game if I cannot bare to watch a game with Britney in it? Well, after a little counseling and after putting my gouged out eyes back in, I noticed that the video of Britney does not even match the music that is playing.

On the other hand, the dancers were quite detailed and life like, albeit cliched, but the realism was there. The animations were also very fluid, a must for a dancing game such as this, and the frame rate was excellent, so no slowdown ever occurred, even when the dancing was it its most intense. Overall, the graphics were definately the high point of the game, and deserve a 7/10.

Audio
Well, if you are serious about actually listening to the game, then puncture your ear drums before you start. The audio is nothing short of terrible, even though it would have been great if it had not had one major flaw. The problem starts with Britney - not a good place to begin. So while listening to her horrible songs, there is nothing else to hear. Your characters barely make a sound; at least if they could, I could try and drown out Britney's songs with disgruntled groans from the dancers.

Another problem with the audio was that there are only 5 songs in the entire game. It is not as if I would like to hear her other songs, but there is very little variety and so listening to Britney becomes even more disgusting. Britney fans (all 3 of you) may also be a little disappointed by the lack of songs. Overall, the sound is incredibly poor due to the fact that Britney is singing, is gets a prestigious 0/10.

Storyline
Basically, Britney wants a new dancer, so you choose from 1 of 6 characters and audition to win the grand prize: the torture of being with Britney. Well, the storyline is very short and boring, but does exist, so it deserves a 1/10.

Gameplay
Oh, the pain of playing Dance Beat. I would gladly play Heroes of the Lance instead of this, because it is just so horrific. The gameplay is basically set in motion by the terrible storyline, which, as mentioned earlier, is a sorry excuse for one. Unfortunately, it just goes downhill from there.

Basically, Britney's Dance Beat is quite a lot like Pa Rappa in some ways, as you basically make your character dance by pressing buttons at the appropriate time. I am sorry, but that is just not enjoyable at all. At least Pa Rappa has a certain charm to him, along with talent and a sense of humor, but this game cannot even muster that. So after a while of button mashing (it is less enjoyable than it sounds), you come to a final challenge, which is surprisingly easy. Congratulations! The game is just so linear, repetitive and tedious that it will get very old, very quickly. Overall, the gameplay was flawed and just plain not fun to play, so it gets a 1/10.

Unlockables and extras
Well, apparently there is basically only 1 thing to unlock, but I could not tolerate the game long enough to beat it. Some may send up cheers about the fact that you may be able to play as Britney, but that is more of a punishment than an extra. So all in all, the extras get a great 1/10.

Replayability
Britney's Dance Beat is immensely easy and so very tedious to play, so perhaps a few minutes is all it will take for you to completely beat it, though I am not sure that you can bare it for that long. There do not seem to be any cheats an the extras are pitiful, so there is basically not replay value whatsoever.

Overall
Dance Beat is repetitive and almost worthless; it does make a passable doorstop. All joking aside, the game is an utterly pointless and futile exercise that you should avoid at all costs. Do not even bother to rent this horrible game; it will cause you have nightmares in your sleep in will place a terrible curse on you. Here is the quick review:

Graphics: 7/10
Audio: 0/10
Story: 1/10
Gameplay: 1/10
Extras: 1/10
Replayability: Below Average
Overall: 2/10

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 08/17/03