Gitaroo Man

"Wailing and tears of joy"

Gitaroo Man thrashes, shreds, solos, jams, wails, and rocks its way into the PlayStation elite. But most importantly, it rocks its way into your heart. As an air guitar virtuoso, I'm especially attuned to such things, but anyone can appreciate the mile-a-minute thrills and wild ass feats of musical machismo this game has to offer. Koei, a company known for sprawling military strategy, has delivered a very brief game that may be, ironically, their magnum opus. Gitaroo Man does so much at one time and works on so many levels simultaneously that it is nothing short of joyous.

A cornball romance, a hilarious buddy comedy, a stunning sci-fi caper, a white-knuckle melodic extravaganza: Gitaroo Man does it all with confidence, synthesizing the best elements of its peers. The adorable storytelling, cartoon visuals, and unforgettable songwriting of Parappa the Rapper; the brutal reflex challenges and technical superiority of Frequency; the blindingly colorful aesthetic of both—it's all here.

At the garish title screen, a woman's voice can be heard. “AHHHHH….GITAAROOOOO MAAANN…” she moans orgasmically. You may very well have the same reaction.

Gitaroo Man is a fearsome intergalactic superhero, the brave protagonist of this adventure, but the best heroes have alter egos who face the toughest challenges: the trials of everyday life. Spiderman and Peter Parker. Superman and Clark Kent. Gitaroo Man and U-1. Yes, he is named for a submarine or something, but U-1 is still a normal guy with normal problems. Or rather, he's a wimpy guy with really wimpy problems. He craps it up at the skate park, shies away from the girl he has a painful crush on, and consistently pulls all sorts of cowardly ****. U-1 is a big baby, but his quest for self-confidence is the beating heart of this game, and his destiny cannot be avoided.

As it happens, U-1's dog and best friend, Puma, reveals one day that he is not a dog. Puma is, in fact, an armor-plated alien, keeper of the Legendary Gitaroo and guardian of the True Gitaroo Man!

The Gitaroo is your weapon against evil, injustice, and second-rate thrashers throughout the galaxy. Your foes have Gitaroos as well, but yours is undeniably the king: a fearsome futuristic guitar with a neon array of buttons for frets and a crystalline orb for strings that blasts forth lightning bolts and the meanest licks this side of Planet Gitaroo. The only way to conquer another Gitaroo wielder and absorb his (or her) power is to meet him (or her) in mortal combat and shred him (or her) into oblivion.

During each confrontation, all sorts of visual chicanery will unfold in the background—Gitaroo Man will dish out attacks, the bad guys will summon their minions— but you should really keep your eyes on the tiny blue dot in the center of the screen. A line peppered with orange nodes snakes its way toward the blue dot, signaling that the game is on! The goal is to follow the winding path of the line by pressing the corresponding direction on the analog stick while pressing any face button when a node passes over the blue dot. It's intuitive, easy to learn, and surprisingly analogous to playing a guitar. The combination of thumbstick maneuvering and button mashing is a simplified but similar tactile sensation to working the frets and strumming the strings. A guitar game that actually feels like playing a guitar? Yes! There's nothing more satisfying than nailing a killer riff and nothing more frustrating than biffing the last note in said killer riff and hearing the music suddenly die.

This rewarding system could have been wasted on unmemorable songs—any musical game lives or dies by (surprise!) its music—but Gitaroo Man is a genre spanning masterpiece with scarcely a dud to be found. The rollercoaster ride from synth pop to jazz to reggae to slow jam to mariachi to rock opera to power ballad never lets up. Not only are the songs catchy and memorable, the game shows an amazing unity and focus in immersing the player.

The second stage is an insanely infectious J-pop number set to the invasion of flying saucers with some fierce choreographed dance moves. They hover over a fluffy pastel city, shocking innocent bystanders with pink electricity that forces the victims to shake it like there's no tomorrow. The Gitaroo takes on a low, synthesized sound, and the short, punchy notes provide perfect accompaniment to the vibrant vocals. It all comes together to create a lighthearted, energetic, downright cheesy atmosphere.

The eighth stage is a Gothic, neoclassical shred fest. The place? A seemingly abandoned cathedral. The enemy? Gregorio III, a color-coordinated metrosexual who announces his arrival with a ghostly falsetto shriek. The song? A series of blinding arpeggios and screaming bends complemented by pounding drums and an unruly organ. Things quickly heat up when Gregorio summons an eerie choir of stone-faced angels and the walls begin pulsing with supernatural energy. The only option is unleash wicked solo after wicked solo.

For the sixth stage, it's time to…get romantic?! Oh yes. As plain old U-1, working it out on his plain old acoustic, you've got to win a woman's heart with a good old-fashioned love ballad in front of a warm fireplace and behind a romantic sunset. Succeed, and she'll fall asleep in your arms. This is the real capper to Gitaroo Man: the nutty yet earnest storytelling.

There are goofy little touches, like Gitaroo Man's back up band of little kids in animal costumes and bizarre anime panels with broken English subtitles.

There are operatic confrontations, like a hard rocking Gitaroo battle to the death in an arena brimming with screaming fans against a very surprising foe. The robust multiplayer will also set the stage for many a classic duel.

There are intense challenges: forget the normal difficulty! The maddening Master's Mode is the true, unforgiving test of excellence. After only a week of struggle, my Gitaroo brothers-in-arms and I discovered that the stretch of muscle from our thumbs to our forearms had become rock hard.

This is a priceless gaming experience, and it all comes together with pure heart. U-1's coming of age, his learning to believe in himself, is a story that's been told many times. But Gitaroo Man sells itself with such ridiculous flair and confidence that it's almost impossible to resist. This short game has enough life and vigor for a dozen expansive epics—in its concentrated form, Gitaroo Man is a knockout.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 07/16/04, Updated 07/19/04