"Will the real person responsible for this please stand up?"

Pop Idol

Let's be frank, anyone, including myself who has the scruples admitting to playing this game will no doubt be familliar with the programme. But for those who are luckily unaware (or unafflicted) by Pop Idol, here is a little information about it. Pop Idol is a tv show giving great opportunities for people with so little talent. Thousands of the public queue up to be humiliated by a panel of judges until the less excruiating singers make it to the live television finals. Then we vote them off and make em walk the plank until we have a winner. A few number one records on the backsleeve and the rest is history. Pure saturday night takeaway, that you'll regurgitate later because everyone with a brain knows that Pop Idol is merely shallow trash. Just remember, it's this kind of trash that launched 'music' acts such as The Cheeky Girls upon the UK nation. That kind of trash. So why should the game be any different?

Like the winners of the Pop Idol show, the game is just a quick cash measure that will fill the pockets of pop mogul Simon Fuller. If you're one of those perma-tanned people whose highlight of their holiday somewhere in the resorts of Spain includes karaoke, then Pop Idol is for you. If you're one of the adoring fans of the winners -and losers- of the tv show, you'll be disappointed but it'll still be for you. If you're one of those people who don't take video games seriously and like the challenge of a video game to be sparse on par with The Rugrats, then Pop Idol is right up your alley. But for the large people that aren't in these catergories, then by all means allow yourself to be revolted by this title. The game falls just a little short of being below average to complete pointless. And if you want more closure, then read the rest of the review.

This video game thankfully doesn't star it's vile contestants (They probably couldn't afford to capture the real size of Michelle McManus), and you basically have to create your own character and take them through the journey of Pop Idol. And it's hard to believe that it's less exciting than the show considering everything that isn't exciting about the tv show. And when reality tv surpasses video games, we have a problem. After you've created your character, choosing gender and image, you start from the auditions (the best part of the tv show where we view all the awful singing from humiliated contestants with our evil heart's content) and if you win over the judges then you progress to the theatre where you harmonise where you face off a series of contestants and then it's to the floor shows where the public vote for two contestants to get into the live shows. And then each week if you can deliver the goods, you'll make it to the finals and hopefully, you'll be crowned with the title of Pop Idol - that will tarnish your career forever!

Creating your character can be fun. But what is most aggrivating is that you could be perfectly happy with the way you've styled your idol and the judges might not like it. Thus being the same issue with manufactured pop in the first place. You can style your idol from a range of stereotypes - indy kid, townie, skater, gothic, chic, sophistication and many other styles that you can change you idol into after passing each stage of the process. You basically choose a range of outfits and are then given 3 examples to choose from - it's just a pity you can't choose the colour and mix tops with trousers and skirts. Also you can design your hair from 3 choices from a particuliar model and give yourself makeup too. It's good to be able to change your image wholly inbetween stages to reinvent yourself even if it's just to change the makeup on your face that didn't go well with your dress or if your hat didn't go well with your jeans. You can also win costumes -some quite comical- to try and impress the panal. The judging of your style ranges from three criteria - 'good', 'fair' and 'bad'. And whether you personally think your idol looks a million dollars doesn't come into the matter unfortunately.

Backing up the idol's looks are fair graphics that could have used a bigger budget and a little less colour. Slightly cel shaded, the graphics of Pop Idol are indeed polished with a distant fade of comic manga in the character's facial features. However, the Fantasvision like backgrounds are supposed to be inspired, but they're not. There is not enough decent movement or any emotion during the performances, for example dancing to an upbeat song or moshing wildly to rockier songs. The movement from the characters is equivalent to a performance from Geri Halliwell - not good! Some emotion in the facial features wouldn't have went a miss either. And, there isn't really any effort in the judges either- oh, Simon Cowell is the only judge from the tv show in the game which is disappointing as the game could have done with some good sniping between Simon, Pete 'I made Kylie' Waterman, Foxy and Nicki Chapman. Simon is displayed as a thin, handsome and smooth model when we know he looks like a frustrated closet case.

Your song collection isn't sung by artists, but by performers the developers have hired. Your song list expands to over forty songs, mostly being the ones that you know, but can't stand. Will Young's Evergreen, Ricky Martin's Livin La Vida Loca, Kylie Minogue's Spinning Around, Britney Spears' Oops! I Did It Again and many others that you really don't want your credible idols singing or stupid people the developers have probably dragged from the street making the songs a hundred times worse than they already are. Sadly, the good songs such as Sheryl Crow's Everyday Is A Winding Road, Dido's Thank You and Robbie Williams' Angels are short versions not used for the live finals. Considering the show is pretty all much about how long sad hopefuls can do vocal gymnastics and hold a note for the one minute and a half they're thrown, the songs we're expecting are missing. Christina Aguilera's Beautiful? Mariah Carey's Without You? The Beatles? More, gulp, Westlife songs? Then again, Bob Dylan and Aretha Franklin would be so much more great to sway audiences. Instead with dodgy songs such as the aforementioned, Pop Idol isn't about talent search, but a meagre karaoke game.

Performing these songs can be easy to hard depending which setting you choose. All you need to do -if you're familliar with PaRappa The Rapper- is time the buttons when they enter the rhytmn bar. Some require you to use combo's such as pressing two buttons at the same time when they enter the bar and you'll soon come to grips with the song pattern. Beware, because if you miss the buttons, the singer's voice will be tweaked and sound squeaky, as if a helium balloon has just swooped into their mouth. It's quite lame and pathetic and most of all, unbelievable. When you really want a challenge though, Pop Idol is down and dirty with devastating loop patterns that will have you thrown out of the competition and busking on the streets quicker than you could Simon Cowell a stunted bastard. Other modes include karaoke mode where you can plug a microphone in and sing to a backing tape, pratice mode and an internal jukebox with all the songs in the game can be listened to over and over again. But would anyone with a sane mind want to listen to cover versions? If so, please do the right thing and ask the nearest person to slap you. Hard.

One of the fatal flaws about Pop Idol is the fact that you wouldn't think it was from the actual TV show. A prime lame aspect about the whole feel of Pop Idol is the waterweight insults thrown by Simon Cowell. He'll come out with the campest things ever, reinforcing questions about his sexuality (not that anybody should want to know) and then he'll just repeat them and you'll soon be grateful that Pop Idol the TV show ever existed. There isn't even any point mentioning the other two generic judges, they're just pathetic. Plus, the nonactive scenes in the game make this game a travesty rip off from the show. The two presenters of the TV show should be Ant and Dec not some two nonentities who sound like they belong in children's TV presenting. Plus, there is no sight of the other contestants in the live shows, wasting great potential of suspense and no reactions to when you lose a contestant each week. In fact, if you get good comments, that pretty much says you're through to the next round with the character model jumping up and down with some inane comment, causing you to be erratic. How about judging on other aspects, such as perfect timing and the image? A good addition would be adding themes and stipulations to the shows like they try to do in the actual TV side of it. All these missing aspects leave Pop Idol a rushed job, and with no valid conviction of being a video game.

If a controller pad doesn't do it for you, then Pop Idol does allow you to use a dance mat which may be more fun to use and more of a challenge. There is also the multiplayer mode that allows three other players to compete with you in the journey of Pop Idol, and it's the only time you'll probably get a glimpse of the competition and face losing but other than that, the game isn't really good. There was potential but it remains distinctly average due to the wasted graphics, bad choice of songs, unrealistic depiction of the show and no rewarding feeling of accomplishment about playing the game in the first place. Like a Pop Idol in today's music charts, this game clearly won't cease to do well in any aspect whatsoever - as a dance game or a karaoke game, it's simply inadequate to Konami's upcoming singing titles. If you all thought that Pop Idol would have been despicable as a game just by ripping off everything from the TV show, then you'll be suprised that it doesn't, and it should have. If the intent was to recapture the entertainment people get from watching the show and crafting it into a video game, it fails miserably. Do yourself a favour and just pretend you never see this 'thing' on game shelves.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 11/02/04