GoDai: Elemental Force

"The Hard Way"

Back in the old days, when the Atari was moving out and Mario was King, kids didn't need too much of an excuse to play games. Most times, you were just happy to have something to plug away on. A kid living a block down, that one you hated, with the mop top and the buck teeth, why, he got something new from the game store, and you were down there in seconds flat. You forgot about your hate, about the way his big yellow teeth set you off like a rocket, and you plunged, fingers first, thumbs flying, into his game.

Now a days, times have changed. Don't get me wrong here. I don't figure to sound like an old has-been drumming up the way things were. I won't play that hand. All I'm getting at is that today, we're lucky, because there's as many choices in games as there is fruit in Florida. And if a game stinks, it stinks. You don't sit around for hours on end, whittling away those fleeting seconds of youth, working out the problems of a glitchy game simply because there's nothing else around. You go down to the game store, you break out your wallet, and you shell out ten or twenty bucks for something used.

I was in that very situation, hunting for a new game, when my eyes, they spied, a sparkling price tag, claiming three-dollars flat. On a good day, which are most days, I spend three bucks on soda-pop, so what was the risk in throwing down on a game? It was worth the gamble. Sure it was. Why not?

I liked the cover, I liked the way the game was laid out on the back. And I forgot that plum bottom rule they always teach you right off: never, but, never judge a book by its cover. The same goes for games. You know it does, and if it doesn't, it should.

The game in question, the roller of my eyes, the reason I went thirsty for a day, is Godai: Elemental Force. Boy, what a stinker. What a lack, luster stack of plastic and programming. Think the great American novel, only take a nice looking cover, and fill its guts full of wood, and no writing, and that's what you get here. A game with no substance.

The ground work was there. This is one of those situations, sadder then most, where a game's sparkling potential was dashed to pieces like a busting piece of glass. The story was basic, but that's a draw for me. If I want a great work of story telling, I'll read Moby Dick. I'm looking to be entertained here, I don't need to be changed forever. And what 3DO suggested with Godai was just that. The bare bones, man.

What we got here, is your A-Type mystical journey. There's a hero, an abs of steel Asian dude, with hands the law would consider lethal weapons. And he (my feminist girlfriend rolls her eyes, "Of course it's a he,") is played by little old you. As most young heroes in the Japanohero biz are, Hiro, is looking up and down and all around for clues to his past. He unlocks them along with his potential. And before long, you're a bad dude, with full control over the four elements. Only, those four elements have to be earned. You do so, by tearing apart DoJos, and busting bad guys.

The problem is, and it's a big one, is that those bad guys only come in about three varieties. You got your muscle bound Meathead, you got your stealth flipping Ninja, and you got your Zombie. There's always a Zombie. But there's not much else. A sad state of affairs really.

One of the saving graces is his little fists, and how many weapons you can cram into them. Swords, knives, throwing stars, you name it, he gets it. And if you're not careful, you'll over use your weapon and it'll bust apart. A big time rip job of Blood Omen II.

But the gameplay is awful. It is basic, it is barfable. It is like something a few geeks in a Q Basic course might throw together for laughs. Mostly you're looking down on the screen. It reminded me of an old Sega Mastersystem game that I can't remember the name of. Only that old game was much better then Godai. There are a few redeeming slow motion, Neo the Savior of the Matrix, type moves, but they get old fast, and are about as effective against baddies as open wounds are at attracting ladies. You can button mash your way through the entire game if you like.

The sound. What sound? The graphics? If the cover art is to be believed, the graphics are dynamite. But the cover art? It's not to be believed. Once you actually get to playing, the graphics are interesting, but they look like something Super Nintendo fans would have a problem with.

There's an old maxim, one of those sayings your elders like to drill into your head. And when they say it, it's always said like it's a stroke of pure genius. But we all know it, and I think it applies to my experience with Godai:

You get what you pay for.

You buy a three dollar game, and that's what you get. I feel awful for the kids that shelled out fifty hard-earned ones for this chokefest back when it first hit town. Take my advice, if you see this one sitting on the shelf, leave it be. And moreover, if you live in DC and you see it sitting on the shelf, it's the copy I had, and well, I wouldn't want to do you wrong by passing it along.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 03/31/05