Koudelka

"A perfect example of how NOT to make a game!"

We RPG players have been quite fortunate this summer. There have been more good RPGs released recently than any other time that I can recall. Games like Vagrant Story and Legend of Dragoon have already become classics in the eyes of many. Unfortunately, all of this gaming goodness can lead to the one thing that kills a good many RPGs: high expectations. There hasn't been an example of this since Final Fantasy 8, so we are probably due a bad game or two that is supposed to be good but just doesn't live up to the hype. Well, my friends, that time has arrived. The first REALLY BAD RPG of the summer has arrived in the form of a four-disk cesspool of mediocrity called Koudelka.

Just what makes this game so bad? Let's take a look...


Graphics: 2/10

Ugh. This game has the most dull color scheme that I have ever had the misfortune of seeing with my own eyes. Browns and greys fill every single screen. Even the menu can't escape this trap of visual dullness. The backgrounds suffer from an even worse fate: not only are they bleakly colored, but they are flat in the style of Resident Evil. That works well when you are blasting the heads of zombies with a shotgun, but it just doesn't work well in this particular genre. The spell effects are mediocre at best. While I did like the design of the main character Koudelka, the other two characters just don't have that certain look that a RPG character needs to have. They look...normal. Who wants to control a normal person. That defeats the entire purpose of RPGs: to live, however briefly, through the eyes of a warrior or a mage, etc. While I do have many problems with the weapons (there's a big rant about that further down the page) I do like the fact that weapons of the same type do look a bit different from one another. Another thing that bothers me are the monsters. Before I was even through with the first disk I was seeing pallete-swapped enemies (in case you don't know what that means, it is simply enemies that look alike except for the coloring). The FIRST disk! And it's only an hour and a half long!

Music and Sound: 2/10

Ouch. The sound on this game could have used a little work...okay, a lot of work! The sound effects sound like the color pallete looks: dull as dirt! One thing that really annoys me are the death screams of the enemies. Male enemies and female enemies scream differently when they die. While I do tip my hat to the only bit of original thinking this game has to offer, this gets quite annoying after ten or fifteen times. Speaking of annoying, guess what this game has that makes me want to bust my own eardrums? That's right, poor voice acting! The bitter icing on this rancid cake! While it is passable at times, there are far too many moments where I had to reach for the mute button. One of the characters in particular (the goody-goody, of course) seems to suffer from this whenever he gives his many spills on how his companions are heathens in the eyes of God. There is a time and a place for religious debates in RPGs, but not immediately after killing a demon!

As for the music...was there any? I can't remember...

Difficulty: 5/10

I'm giving this a middle of the road score because I can't force myself to beat this game. Of course, if the rest of the game is as short and simple as the first disk then needs a lower score. Since I'm feeling generous today, I'll give the game the benefit of the doubt.



Now that we have all of the positive things out of the way (this isn't sarcasm, by the way), lets get down to the biggest flaw EVER. That's right, EVER. This flaw absolutely kills what hope that this game had of crawling out of the bargain bin at the local Wal-Mart. This game has the worst battle system that I have ever seen! The field of battle is similar to a battle in Final Fantasy Tactics in that you move about in a grid-like system in which you can move only a certain distance per turn. That's the good part of the system. If only your weapons didn't break in mid-battle...

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, this is one of THOSE games! Whoever came up with the idea for having breakable weapons should be beaten profusely! At least SaGa Frontier 2 watied until the battles were over before your weapons shattered. Couple this with extremely
long battles and you have a very stressful time when fighting. Weapons aren't exactly plentiful, either. Far too many times I had to try and fight barehanded. Did I mention that your characters have a very weak physical attack without weaponry? I don't know about you, but a five-minute normal battle just doesn't appeal to me!



I believe that I have made my point. This game is absolutely horrid. If you have read this and are still contemplating buying or renting this game then let me put it even more bluntly: this is one of the worst games that I have ever played in my life. If THAT isn't enough then keep this little tidbit in mind: I would play Beyond the Beyond before I would play Koudelka. If that isn't enough for you then you DESERVE this game!

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 08/16/00, Updated 01/25/01