Wacky Races

"Crap, Crap and Double Crap"

Wacky Races not only had the potential to be a great game, it WAS a great game (The dreamcast game captured the spirit of the show with great accuracy). So was it too much to ask that this game could have at least been average? Developers Apaloosa think so.

There is no actual story, it's Wacky Races and that's all you need to know. Personally I'm glad they just left it to the racing, I think putting plots in kart racing games is needless. There are four different grand prix competitions for you to take part in, each of these consisting of four tracks. If you've played any other kart racer then this will be instantly, and nauseatingly familiar.

It becomes apparent in the opening movie of the game (Which is very well animated) that the developers haven't quite got what we call 'a sense of humour' and it's doubtful they've seen anything of the show aside from promotional pictures. 'Muttley, watch this dastardly dirty deed' says Dick Dastardly getting into the mean machine. Then the race starts and they drive, and Dick overtakes the racers, and that's it. I'm sorry, did I fall asleep for a few seconds and miss the joke? Since when was overtaking the racers considered a dastardly deed? Apaloosa must consider themselves master criminals when playing games like Ridge Racer.

Despite the awful controls and random punishments, the graphics are the worst thing in this game. Some of the tracks show graphical promise, and some of the 2d scenery is probably suitably cartoony, perhaps there are even characters in those cars you drive. The problem is though, you can't see any of it. At all. The game looks as if it's about halfway through production, if that. Everything is so fuzzy and undefined that you have to squint to follow the colour that is supposed to be the road your driving on. Because of these hopelessly jagged and blurry visuals, you will often fly off the track onto a pit because you didn't notice that you were at the edge of a cliff and that there was a turn in the road. and more often than not, falling off won't result in being put back on the track straight after (a la' Mario Kart). Instead, you will have to drive the WHOLE way back until there is a flat edge you can drive onto. Overall this is a hideous looking game that looks genuinely better in it's Gameboy colour incarnation.

The glitches in this game are also horrendously apparent. Slowdown occurs noticeably at least every 5 seconds, and this can throw your concentration out of the window completely (With you following close behind if you dare play this for much longer). Collision detection in this game is so incompetent that I don't think any word has yet been invented that can do it's incompetence justice. You know how your car slows down and the game makes a grating sound when your car goes off the side of a road in all kart games? Well watch in hilarity, then annoyance, then despair, as this happens again and again when you're nowhere near the edge of the track! Also, one of the weapons that you (Or other racers) can use is a brick wall which will block the way (You cannot crash through it, so you have to go around it). Try to drive around it and you will have considerable trouble, because aside from the real wall, there is also an invisible wall, which stretches a considerable difference either side of the wall you can see. This means that you will be shunted to last place immediately because you will spend ages bashing into thin air. These are just some examples of what cretins apaloosa must be to make such glaring mistakes.

The music for the menu screen and the movie sequence is o.k, I can't remember any of the music from the actual races (And I played the game only an hour ago) but I think I can safely say they aren't classics. The voice acting is actually fairly decent, and so adds a little wacky races atmosphere to the game. This is half the reason I've given the game a 2 rather than a 1 (The other half will come later). My only problem with the sound is the commentator. He sounds very much like the original cartoon's commentator, he is just an idiot. If you thought Pokemon Stadium's commentator was bad ('My god! The pokemon are fighting!' etc) then prepare yourself for the most annoying commentator of all time. Not only does he state the obvious ('The wacky racers are changing positions!')but he is utterly retarded in the area of common sense. If Dastardly goes into the lead, there's just no excuse for hearing 'Things don't look too good for dick Dastardly' or even worse 'Penelope Pittstop has just got to the lead!'. Yet MORE proof (AS if we needed it) that Apaloosa are just a bunch of apes that randomly program stuff and hope to pass it off as a mario-kart beater. And when the commentator's not getting thing inexplicably wrong, he's saying things that can't be described as anything other than ridiculous. 'I don't know how much more of this excitement I can take!'. Me neither.

There really isn't much to explain about the 'gameplay'. Just guide a car along a track, and don't fall in the holes. One thing which is slightly unique is the power-up system. There are two types of powerup (There are two boxes at the top of the screen which display which of each type you currently hold) one a weapon (dragon breath for example) and one that will help you progress (like a hover power of speed-boost) collect one power symbol and you will be able to use one type, collect two and you will be able to use both. Collect three and you will be able to use both and then another one of them after that. But this doesn't help the pedestrian, confusing and thoroughly un-fun tracks and devastating handling. Pull your analogue stick (Or d-pad) direction left, and watch as your car tilts to the left ever so slightly a full 2 seconds later! Two seconds may not sound like a lot, but in a racing game it's life or death (Especially with the stupidly thin tracks presented to you in this game). There are also stupid faults with the weapons that never should have made it into the game. most of the weapons (the stick that comes out of your car to whack people for instance) reaches out a measly distance, and as a result, almost never hits anyone. Also the hovering power-up will often send you flying into a ditch or somewhere off the track, and when you haven't even touched the direction buttons! As I explained before, this will mean driving ALL the way back to where there is flat ground, and when this happens, there isn't really any point in continuing because you WON'T win. Lastly, and perhaps worst of all, is that weapons designed to block or hurt other racers (Brick Wall, bomb) and that are laid on the ground like a mine, are laid RIGHT in front of you when you use them! This means everytime you use a brick wall, you will drive into straight afterwards. What's the point?

This game doesn't have very many tracks. And after the first four they are all recycled versions of the first four anyway. So it won't take you long to complete it. The multiplayer (Which is the other half of my reason why it gets higher than a one) has even more slowdown than the one player game, but (As the rule of multiplayers demands) is , perversely, quite fun. Not for very long I must admit, but there's something about playing a kart racer with another person that is just fun. But this is completely by luck, and apaloosa have tried their very best to make it a COMPLETELY dull, but because multiplayers are all usually fun for a while, they can't quite succeed.

However, don't let a slight comedy atmosphere and a bog-standard multiplayer convince you to even rent this game. Even if you are an old cartoon fan (As I am) it will only defile old memories. Wacky Races is an AWFUL, AWFUL game that Should never have been published (And wouldn't have if it weren't for Infogrammes' insatiable hunger to make money, whatever the sacrifices). Wacky Races on the playstation could have been a brilliant game, and certainly should have, but it's just a tired old mess of a commercial money making scheme that shows almost no potential with what it has.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 07/05/01, Updated 07/05/01