RPG Maker

"Apple is to pear as RPG Maker is to medical waste"

A video game that lets you create your own role-playing game. What a fantastic idea! I mean, seriously, that is a really good idea; being able to make your own RPG game. What fan of the genre wouldn't love to pit the forces of good against the forces of evil in an epic battle that spans generations? Or what RPG gamer wouldn't get such enjoyment from creating characters and a story that makes you laugh, cry, feel angry, depressed, overwhelmed, and victorious? And what RPG fan in his or her right mind wouldn't DIE to make a game that challenges perceptions of what is right and what is wrong and to give them the chance to create something with more twists and turns than you could shake a stick at? We all know that playing ''god'' is such an awesome idea and I think very few of you could resist doing just that.

That is...until you play THIS game.

What makes this game so bad? Many...many factors are involved in the slow death that is RPG Maker.

Let's begin with the most superficial portion of every game: graphics. Graphically, the game is CRAP. C-R-A-P, crap. There's no other way to put it. Do you like playing as little midgets who run around on flat, unrealistic-looking backgrounds that are supposed to represent the world? Well then, retard, this is the game for you! But if you're normal and not retarded, then even 5 seconds of looking at this game will send you into violent convulsions and could possibly land you in the hospital.

Now, let's move on to sound FX, or as I like to call them, GARBAGE. Here's the sound effect used for almost everything: ''BONK!''

That's it...BONK...BONK...BONK! Oh, well, there's also ''BLIP!'' and ''BLEEP!'' if you get tired of BONK, so there's plenty to choose from, as you can plainly tell.

Oh, and the music sucks too. If you want to call it that; ''music.'' I prefer the name ''Sounds randomly put together that cause your ears to bleed.'' Do you like it when your ears bleed? Then you're a masochist, and you should be looking at barnyard porn right now...sicko.

But that's okay, I've played plenty of games that weren't that great in those departments and still ended up being solid games because a great storyline saved it, or amazing gameplay. But RPG Maker fails in even thoughs two categories. It's no fun at all making your own game and it's really depressing when you have such great ideas and you can't see them come to fruition because, for one thing, the pre-made character models BLOW! There are a few cool ones, but the rest are crap. But hey, you can choose their color! WOWZIE!!! You can make your snot monster either green, blue, or white. Boy, I tell ya, that's worth $35 right there! Uh, you know what, I'm getting sick of reviewing this piece of dung. Let me just sum up the rest real quickly.

Graphics: 1
Sound: 3
Gameplay: 2
Fun Factor: 1 (trust me, this game will stress you out so bad, you'll prefer doing homework to playing this)
Replay Value: 1-10, varies (the only redeeming quality, if you actually enjoy this game. But chances are that if you like this game, you live in a room with four padded walls and they don't allow you to use spoons or Playstation controllers or anything else that you could poke out your eyes with)

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 12/23/02, Updated 12/23/02