Tomb Raider II

"A patronizingly clichéd attempt to win over "the kids". Appalling controls make it unplayable."

Bouncy bouncy...

Lara Croft. Worshipped by some pubescent boys, loathed by everyone else. Eidos have created the ultimate cash-in character in Lara really - a personality-free zombie of a woman, with huge chest-bumps and nothing else going for her. It's a wonder the poor girl can stand up straight. Perhaps they thought they were making her seem ''mysterious'' by giving her no depth, but actually it just serves to make Lara appear as the shallowest of the shallow. In her second outing, you can hear her grunt, gaze at her ass, and her breasts are even larger. It's clear to see what the aim is here. Eidos would have done better to go beyond the obvious and give Lara a t-shirt adorned with the slogan, ''I am an instrument of manipulation, awarded to you with the sole intention of selling games and making money on the basis of gender stereotyping and patronizingly shallow 'fantasies' imposed upon you by some corporate guy in a suit who thought our sales figures were looking too low this financial year''. Technically, they could have literally done that. There's plenty of room on her chest for the slogan to be displayed in its entirety.

Rightio then, now that unpleasantness is out of the way, assuming that we ignore the main character and take the game solely on its merits, is it any good? Well, no. See, Tomb Raider II (along with the whole series) is supposed to be partially about Lara. It's a character-based series. Consider this: would Tomb Raider games sell so many copies if the main character was male? Honestly, I don't think so. Lara herself is intrinsic to the whole Tomb Raider concept (and I use the word ''concept'' here in its loosest possible form) and therefore for the games to be any good, Lara herself needs to be a well-developed and top-heavy character. I'm talking about her mind, silly. Focus! Story has been neglected somewhat, not only surrounding Lara herself but surrounding the other characters whom she encounters.

Lara who??

The story is typical of the series - Lara must find the ancient artifact at the centre of the game in order to ''win''. Generic Bad Men and Nasty Beasts try to disrupt her along the way. The main problem here is linkage - the story is seldom referred to along the path of the game, which gives the whole experience a very shallow feel. It's virtually impossible to feel involved in a game such as this when you're just wandering around shooting tigers and so on with no real explanation as to why. The few cutscenes there are explain surprisingly little even though they are quite long, and this remains the case throughout the game. This has to be the most neglected aspect of the game, and it suffers as a result. There is a very anonymous feel to the game.

''NO! Just jump on the ledge! Over THERE! Oh great, dead again.''

Lara's a girl who doesn't like to jump. Or run. Or move at all, actually. She's quite good at rotating slowly on the spot, and she's OK at falling off ledges. Apart from that though, she really seems rather lazy. Now, if Lara was a professional couch potato this wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, her chosen profession is archaeologist (trust me - the real world of archaeology is nothing like this) and in the video game world of archaeology, being an intrepid explorer is seemingly a necessity. If only she'd respond to the controls properly, she might even be successful. However, Lara has the reflexes of a sloth. The only exception to this is when she is teetering precariously over a deep precipice, in which case the slightest hint of a finger twitch on your part will send her flailing like a madman over the aforementioned edge of the precipice, with a ''Hey ho! You thought I was ignoring you didn't you? Well check this out! You're dead again. Bwa aha ahaaaa.'' Rude, no?

As you might expect from such appallingly unresponsive controls, when it comes to dodging booby traps and shooting the local wildlife, Lara seems perfectly suicidal. Her abject failure to run from the large boulder chasing her through the dungeon is remarkably annoying, especially since this is an intrinsic element of the game. Tombs will have those pesky traps built in, after all. There's nothing you can do to rectify this - if you play through the game, you can't avoid those frustrating moments when she just won't move. There are more unresponsive moments than responsive ones, and her ability to successfully ride the various transportation methods scattered around the levels is not much better than walking, although again it's necessary.

Game play comprises ''exploring'' fairly linear levels, although there are a few puzzles sporadically strewn throughout the game. You actually don't need to spend much time on figuring these out though - you'll find that progressing is easy enough. The only things that really pose a threat to you are the bad controls and occasionally wonky cameras (you can correct the cameras with the controller, but woe betide you if you're standing against a wall - the camera will move all over the place in this case). There are plentiful items such as ammo and health packs to help you throughout, and a small selection of weapons. The exploratory aspect is divided through a series of levels loosely based on actual locations throughout the world. The tasks required of you sometimes reflect those locations - for instance, Venice is filled with canals. Overall playing is fun in small quantities, but quickly becomes infuriating. In short, the controls actually make the game virtually unplayable.

A good feature here is the inclusion of a training level. Lara has an assault course set up in the grounds of her home, and will guide you through each seperate command you must use in the game right here, where you are in no danger of dying. Since the controls are so bad, it's absolutely vital to familiarize yourself with how to make Lara perform each of her various jumps if you intend to get past the first level. You can also explore Lara's home, practice swimming in her indoor pool, and lock the butler in the freezer (although his arms poke through the door).

Ooooooooooh, shiny

Lara herself is very well-animated, although a little blocky. Polygons are relatively obvious in Lara, but they are far more obvious in the scenery. In keeping with the dominant themes throughout the rest of the game, Eidos spent more time on Lara than they did on anything else and it really does show. The backgrounds are uninteresting, undetailed and repetitive. ''Enemies'' typically are animals native to the regions in question. Within a level, there is an abundance of a handful of species, but little else. All are aesthetically identical. The look of the game screams ''mediocrity''. Cut-scenes are similar in appearance to the rest of the game, but slightly better in terms of quality. Sound is virtually non-existant, bar Lara's own clumsy sounding footsteps. Actually, the aesthetics have a very rushed feel about them. The lack of sound really detracts from the few elements of the game that this reviewer can stand. I appreciate that it's unrealistic to hear music whilst out exploring a wilderness, but what about birdsong? Trees rustling in the breeze? Both are curiously absent.

The verdict

Tomb Raider II is not a good game. It is a hyped game - part of a hyped series, in fact. It is a game which promised much but failed to deliver. It is a game that could have been so much better had Eidos spent more time (or any time) writing a quality plot and giving Lara a personality. The controls are terrible and make the whole game feel like a failure. So what are its merits? Well, that Lara Croft woman is in it. If you position her correctly and move the camera, you get a wonderful view of her bottom. Reason enough to go out and buy this? I don't think so.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 04/26/03, Updated 04/26/03