Parasite Eve

"Almost as boring as sitting through an hour of church. Almost…"

We all make mistakes right? Well unfortunately some people make them more than others. The people at Squaresoft plunged themselves even further into this category with the release of Parasite Eve. This game has got to be one of the least fun and most god-awful pieces of crap ever released. This game is terrible and is the definition of a game that is not fun to play. Plus Parasite Eve can be finished in a mere couple of hours. I feel sorry for anyone that shelled out 50 bones for this game upon its release. It is barely worth the $7.95 it goes for at my local used game store.

Useless and Uninteresting Fact/Tip of the Day #1 – Parasite Eve is actually based on a best selling novel by Hideaki Sena. Does anyone actually care? No?!? Well on to the review then!!!

Story - 11/30
One would think that a RPG based on a book would have nothing short of an amazing story. Well I can more than assure you that this isn't the case for Parasite Eve. This story is very confusing and makes little sense. You play as Aya Brea who is a rookie cop for the NYPD. Upon attending a Christmas opera with her date she witness one of the worst massacres in recent years. All of a sudden, for some reason (unbeknown to her) everyone at the opera ignites into flames. Aya sits and watches in horror as hundreds of people burn to death at her feet. For some reason Aya and a woman on stage are the only ones who don't get burnt to a crisp. Aya confronts this woman and she reveals to Aya that she is the one responsible for all this death. Aya, being a cop, chooses to follow this person to uncover more clues. She finds out that her mitochondria (mitochondria has something to do with cells) is special from normal peoples, and that is why she doesn't get all burnt up. One thing leads to another and Aya must save the city of New York from this new threat. Where the game gets confusing is during the scenes where they explain all the info regarding the mitochondria and why it is mutating. This minor confusing detail wouldn't be so important if it wasn't, O I don't know, the backbone of the whole story. Maybe I should have stayed awake in my high school science classes or my college anthro courses to have better understood this, but O' well… anthropology class, >< grr…

Useless and Uninteresting Fact/Tip of the Day #2 – Do not get conned into taking an anthropology class in college. No matter how fun your counselor cons you into thinking it is, I assure you it isn't.

Gameplay - 1/20
Sadly for Parasite Eve its Story isn't its worst quality. Its worst is its gameplay. Squaresoft attempts to enter the survivor/horror category and cash in on the recent success of Resident Evil, but once again they fail miserable. For starters I have never seen a person run slower than Aya does. I cant believe I am about to say this, but I think Aya even moves slower than the Sacramento Kings slow, injured, and overpaid “superstar” Chris Webber. However it remains to actually be seen if there is anyone slower than C-Webb… Aya's speed creates a problem because with Aya's lack of mobility and quickness she is even more vulnerable to every attack. It is next to impossible to dodge an attack by the enemy with the speed Aya moves. Another quality that makes dodging attacks next-to-impossible is the small area that Aya is allowed to move around in during battles, since you will be confined to a small space to do battle. The baddies will easily pin you in a corner and pummel you to a bloody pulp. Plus when the bosses take up 2/3 of the screen this task is even easier for them to complete.

I'll gladly fill you in on what it is like to fight a battle in Parasite Eve. While running (slowly remember) around in a random area the screen will quickly flash to black and white. This means you are about to enter a random battle. Yes that is right, there are random battles in this “survivor/horror” game. A couple enemies will appear. Enemies range from worms to mutant rats to birds and etc. Upon entering battle Aya can move around freely, but she cannot attack until her ATB bar fills. Once this fills she can act out a turn. If you want to attack you hit the X button. This brings up a sphere that completely surrounds Aya. Anything that is inside this sphere you can attack. You can attack with machine guns, handguns, clubs, etc. Different weapons will of course, do different damage to your foes. If you don't feel like attacking you can hit the triangle button. This stops all actions on the screen and brings up your menu. Here you can use items, change weapons or armor, or use Parasite Energy, which is basically your every day magic spells like: cure, cure 2, slow, and all that good stuff. Once the battle finishes you gain experience and maybe some items. This process gets boring very, very quickly.

Funfactor - 2/15
This game gets downright boring fast. Aya moves so slow it really makes the game trudge along rather slowly. Random battles in a survivor/horror game will almost always bring disastrous results. However, all these bad gameplay features can be overlooked by a great story see Xenogears or Chrono Cross for example. Unfortunately Parasite Eve can't fall into this category because its story it terrible. What else do I need to say? The story is terrible, and the gameplay is even worse. So why should anyone play this game?

Graphics - 10/15
The FMV's look gorgeous. This game is 5-6 years old and even when I put it into my Ps Uno after all these years I was blown away by the detail and quality of the FMV's. The regular graphics aren't that great though. Everything is in 3d with prerendered 2d backgrounds. I don't mind this in games. Final Fantasy VIII and IX do this and they do it very well, as does Resident Evil. For some reason Parasite Eve doesn't though. The characters are so out of focus I cant even make out their noses, eyes, or mouths on their faces. Honestly my eyes hurt after playing this game.

Music – 11/15
I'm an easy-going guy when it comes to music. More than likely I'll give a game a perfect music score even if it isn't perfect. All the music has to do is sound decent without annoying me. Sometimes Parasite Eve's music is good. Other times it is a little too bland. I like the main theme and I was pleased to see that it reoccurs a lot during the game in various remixes, most of which sound good. But there are times when the music is very boring and this makes an already stale game even staler.

Controls - 4/5
Everything just seems so unresponsive. It's hard to explain it really. Maybe if you decide to play this game you'll understand what I'm saying and then maybe we can relate a little bit. Like I said earlier Aya moves really slow.

Replayability/Lastability (Bonus) - 2/5
Once you beat it you can play a harder version of the game. Plus upon starting a New Game + you will have access to a new building where you can fight a new boss and see the “real” ending. I think you get a couple of new weapons the 2nd time around but I'm not sure. I am unsure because I never played through this game more than once. This game is just so unenjoyable the first time through I doubt it will be any better the second.

Overall – 41/100
Useful and Interesting fact of the day #1 – Do not ever buy this game unless you buy it for the demo disc that comes with it. Seriously, playing a demo of Xenogears and watching the Final Fantasy VIII movie are more interesting than Parasite Eve herself. Avoid this game like month old chicken alfredo. You will not have a pleasureful experience.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 05/31/04