M&M's Shell Shocked

"And WHY hasn't Naughty Dog sued yet?"

Let me tell you one thing straight up. M&M's: Shell Shocked is not original. At all. In fact, it seems to be a direct ripoff of the Crash Bandicoot series, right down to the moves. Which brings me to wonder: does Naughty Dog know about this game? 'Cause if they did, I'm sure everybody involved with this game's creation would be in the poorhouse right now.

But the shame lies not in the fact that M&Ms: Shell Shocked rips off said series. The shame lies in the fact that it's ripped off so poorly. This game feels more generic than Crash, which has been hailed by many as the most generic series of all time. I only recommend that those who have never even heard of Crash Bandicoot till now buy or even rent this game. Anyone who knows the Crash Bandicoot games good enough to care will be thoroughly disgusted.

When will that stupid yellow peanut M&M learn...

The storyline is probably the only original scrap of anything to be found in Shell Shocked. It seems that Red and Yellow, the two beloved M&M's mascots, are about to go on vacation. However, Red gets a call on his cellphone revealing the bad news. It seems that idiot Yellow left the M&M's Minis in charge of the factory while they were away. It would also seem that these Minis are so rambunctious that only five minutes have passed, yet the factory is already in pieces. So Red and Yellow are forced to cancel their former plans and restore order. Well, Yellow, anyways...

I HATE CHOPPY ANIMATION!

The graphics? DULL. Almost anything and everything is blue. Endless seas of blue. I mean, I know this game takes place almost entirely in a factory, but could ya please make it a little less monochrome? Everything else looks like it was just glued to various other things. The little M&M's you'll see on conveyor belts look not like M&M's, but like multi-colored polka dots on the belt itself. The chocolate you'll see churning in vats only looks like a brown version of said conveyor belts, with lighter shades of brown to replace the polka dots... err, I mean M&M's.

At least the crates you'll be smashing are color-coded to tell you EXACTLY what you'll be getting. But sometimes even that's messed up. Bleh.

And then comes the worst part of it all. The animation. It sucks. There, I said it. EVERYTHING that's animated is so choppily done, you'll be wondering if it's moving at all. Yellow himself probably has only five or six walking frames. The robots that pose as your enemies look like swirling masses of multi-colored polygons, and take no real defined shape. BEWARE THE FLOATING RED PYRAMIDS AND BLUE CUBES! AAAGH!

At least the cut-scenes are good. At the beginning and end of each "zone", there will be a humorous little cut-scene, and these are very well done. Red, Yellow, and Green look just like they do in the commercials everyone loves, and unlike the game itself, is very smoothly animated. I'd say the cut-scenes are the best part of this entire game, but enough about that.

Well, at least they sound the same...

The music. God, please don't get me started on the music. It's awful. Almost all of it seems improvised, and none of it takes any true, concrete melody. The only song I remotely enjoyed was in the final zone. Yeah, I had to wait 14 levels and seven bosses for it. Wah.

Not much better are the sound effects. You have the basic whoosh for spinning, footstep sound, and stuff. But sometimes, even those aren't used correctly. For example, if you pick up the Super Speed or High Jump power-ups, every single time you begin to run or jump, respectively, this annoying little beeping sound effect plays. And EVERY TIME YOU DIE, Yellow says "Oops, uh oh". It's amusing at first, but after dying 10 times in one level, it begins to wear on your nerves.

But, like the graphics, the best part in the sound effects lie in the cut-scenes, or more specifically, the voice acting. Red, Yellow, and Green sound EXACTLY like their commercial voices. And, I swear to God, the person who wrote the script for this game should be given a medal. The one thing that Shell Shocked's got going for it is that it has the FUNNIEST cut-scenes I've EVER seen in a video game. I especially like Yellow's Febrifuge joke at the end of Zone 7. It's hilarious.

Copyright-infringing fun!

Now it all comes down to the meat of the game. And it's the part of the game that rips it all off. Yep, if you haven't deduced it already, this game plays EXACTLY like Crash Bandicoot, right down to the button assignments. X to jump, Square or Circle to spin, and Triangle to view your lives and Minis.

You progress through linear levels in sets of two, which are known as "Zones", breaking boxes and collecting power-ups. Yep, just like Crash. Problem is, it's hard to tell what crate does what, unless you consult the manual, and even then a lot of it's random. For example, the red, orange, a yellow crates give you a certain amount of minis, listed in the manual. However, I've noticed on more than one occasion that sometimes, values are switched around. This game also has other crates, like red Bomb Crates (just like Crash's TNT. Heck, looks almost identical), green Danger Crates (NITRO in Crash terms, and again, looks almost identical), and Brown Crates, which can contain any of four things. What you'll get is never defined, though, until you actually break the crate. You can get a Hard Hat, which is the Shell Shocked equivalent of Crash's Aku Aku. Problem is, you can only carry one at a time, unlike the multitudes you can have in Crash. You could get one of three formula pieces in each level. Getting all three will bring you to one of three bonus levels once you clear the level... sigh, just like the three Bonus icons of Crash. Problem with THIS is that only one of the levels is remotely fun, and it's also the rarest. The Chase Level is nearly impossible, and the Spaceship Level is so hard to control, you'll consider yourself mighty lucky if you get through a quarter of it. The Train level plays just like a normal level, and it's why I like it most. Now, the other two items of the Brown Crates are the Speed Shoes and Hugh Jump power-ups, but neither is useful. In fact, the Speed Shoes are likelier to get you killed than to give you any use. And THEN there's the Blue Crates. They're SUPPOSED to give you an Extra Life. But the designers were so cheap, they decided to instead make it give you 100 minis (the equivalent of an extra life). But if you die before the 100 mark is registered, not only do you lose the life from dying, but you don't get credited for the life you just earned, either. What a waste.

The third level of each Zone is a boss fight. Or what could have been a boss fight. Only four of these eight can even be called boss fights. The other four are "normal levels with an additional catch". And the thing is, the manual TELLS YOU HOW TO BEAT THEM! Even without the manual helping you, the solutions are so obvious that anyone slightly more intelligent than a rhesus monkey can kill them in their first or second attempt. Unimaginative and boring is the only way I can describe these "fights".

Then there's the collision detection problems. It seems like anything harmful has a two-foot collision wall surrounding them. For example, in the fourth zone, one of the obstacles you must dodge is tilting cans of candy coating (although that seems to make no sense, considering Yellow IS candy...). I've literally stood RIGHT UNDERNEATH a can as it spilled and walked away unscathed. Yet I stood about a foot away from the next one in line and ended up dying. Bleh. Everything else isn't much better.

Even despite bad collision detection, Shell Shocked is far too easy. The levels are filled with so many Minis that I found myself with well over 100 lives going into zone 4. And the game can be blown through in about 4 hours.

But you may be wondering "What about completing it 100%?" What 100%? This game literally consists of "get through the level". THAT'S IT! That may have seemed fine in 1985, but it's NOT NOW. At least Crash Bandicoot has a bit of depth by awarding you with a Gem if you break all of the crates, but Shell Shocked doesn't even offer you that. Even the Formula Pieces, which the story leans toward as a requirement, are entirely optional. What you end up with is a severely outdated, generic, stale, and boring third-party game.

Thank God for the cut-scenes.

Should I Buy or Should I Rent?

Note: the following ONLY applies to those who have never heard of Crash Bandicoot till now. Rent first, and buy it only if you thoroughly enjoy it (all 2 of you). Or better yet, why not just rent Crash Bandicoot instead? It's played identically, and there's far more depth that Shell Shocked. So you're actually gaining something.

THE MARILYN MONROE

Original and amusing story.
FUNNY cut-scenes.
It's not frustrating.
At least it's not a COMPLETE failure...

THE MARILYN MANSON

Awful graphics
Awful animation
Shoddy music and sound effects.
HORRID collision detection
Lacks any depth whatsoever.
FAR too easy
"Bosses" too easy and dull.
And it all comes down to being a generic clone of Crash Bandicoot.

FINAL WORDS

If it weren't for the story and cut-scenes, this game would have easily earned a 2 (although, I have to admit, it still wouldn't be 1 quality). Still, I wasn't happy at all that all I got for 25 bucks was a stale, generic Crash Bandicoot.

I almost have the mind to mail Vivendi Universal (the current owners of Crash) and tell them about this game. Can't wait to se the lawsuit unfold.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 07/29/04