Hellboy: Asylum Seeker

"Second-Rate gets a whole new meaning with "Hellboy: Asylum Seeker""

This game truly gives second-rate a whole new meaning, if it even can be considered that good.

First off: If you are a fan of the comic book and do not want to be extremely disappointed, this game is NOT something you should purchase. I had seen the movie and thought it was pretty good, so when I saw it in Best Buy for $6.99, I figured I couldn't go wrong, but I learned my lesson...

STORY: NOT APPLICABLE- 0
Wow. If you have not heard the exact same story several hundred times on various movies/ video games/ cartoons for 5-year-old kids, you obviously have not been living within the civilized world for the past few decades.

Hellboy's friend is captured and he tries to find her.

That's the bottom line. However, he does not see her being captured and randomly wanders into a church (where he finds his gun in the middle of an aisle laying on the floor) and an insane asylum where he arbitrarily meets an old man who wants to send him 666 years into the past. He somehow figures "Hey, my friend must be 666 years in the past! That would make sense!" And has the stupidity to agree to help him find his amulet. The cliche and extremely random and arbitrary events that follow are inexplicably stupid.

GRAPHICS: 2004? NO WAY!!!- .5 for effort (or lack thereof)
I will be honest: I cannot look at these and keep a straight face.
These graphics are horrendous in comparison to the very first Tomb Raider game. No joke. I honestly could not tell what the giant bird who attacked me in the graveyard was. Hellboy's forehead keeps going through his horn stumps and his face is otherwise flat. His body is some sort of six-sided shape and has very flat, 2D details. The only thing that makes this game the least bit challenging is distinguishing the foreground from the background in order to collect items, such as a corpse's head which he luckily picks up off the ground. Everything is comprised of squares and diamonds and extremely uneven shapes. If the 3D parts doesn't make you think these are the worst graphis you've ever seen, feed the wrong pill to a patient on level 2 and watch 2-Dimensional yellow-orange octogons fly out of their mouth as they throw up.

The backgrounds are pitiful. They have two-dimensional details comprised mainly of squares and are so blurry you will have a hard time telling what they are. They are far worse than any others I have seen since 1996.

I honestly cannot believe that this game came out in 2004. This game makes Tomb Raider II look high-tech. The only reason this could possibly be good is that it becomes quite amusing when you see through the wall and walk through various objects. Things like this keep an otherwise very dull gaming experience more entertaining.

GAMEPLAY: WHERE DO I BEGIN...- -17
Oh dear. This could honestly be the worst aspect of Hellboy: Asylum Seeker. I guess they kinda wanted to make it like Resident Evil, but failed miserably. Basically, you walk around places and pick stuff up, open doors, and fight extremely easy enemies.

The controls are pitiful. Walking is more challenging than the rest of the game combined because you always run into (or through) a wall or something. Fighting is comprised of one single punching move, unless you have your gun. Your gun randomly comes and goes as you make your way through the game. When you use your fist (which causes just as much damage as a bullet), simply hold in the square button and Hellboy will us a combo where he punches twice with his left fist and once with his right hand untill you have defeated an enemy. If you have your gun, it wont do too much good unless you are directly touching the enemy with the barrel. You cannot see the bullets, so it is extremely hard to aim and you would probably be better off with your fist.

Besides controls, the game is relatively easy. If you have beaten any Tomb Raider game and know about opening doors with keys or buttons, you should have no problem unless you become lost in the horrendous graphics or sheer stupidity of some of the random and absolutely unnecessary quests.

SOUND: WELL... I WOULDN'T BUY THE CD...- 1.5
As the quote about leving an "unnerving and everlasting impression" on the back of the package would suggest, the three tracks of music are supposed to be scary. Obviously they did not really succeeed, but compared to the rest of the game, it isn't as bad as the graphics or controls. However, it does become extremely repetitive hearing three or four tracks throughout all six levels.

Now for the dialogue... ...The music I can handle, but this is too much. As Hellboy would say, it is "crap." That word is used so many times in this game that it makes you sick. The rest of the dialogue is cheesy, short (thankfully), and difficult to tolerate. All in all, it is pretty bad.

OVERALL: DON'T EMPTY YOUR WALLET ON THIS ONE- .5
-Cliche story with random stupid and nonsensical things happening for no apparent reason. CHECK!
-Worst graphics I have ever seen for PSX. CHECK!
-Horrid controls and poor gameplay that tries to be like another game but fails with flying colors. CHECK!
-Repetetive music with horrendous dialogue. CHECK!

So... What more could you ask for? I didn't really expect to much when I bought it for seven bucks, but this... I could have never imagined. It has no replay value, so although it could keep you occupied for an hour or two since the graphics are so amusing, it becomes extremely boring and I find it hard to sit down and tolerate the controls long enough to finish an episode in one sitting. I shouldve known something was up when it was $6.99 for as new game. This truly is bad gaming at its worst, and that says something.

If they had the liscence to Hellboy, you would think that they coul have used it to make a game for PS2 that was entertaining, kinda like those Marvel comics games based on movies. I mean, Hellboy is the kind of thing that has the potential to have a good game made after it. Not like this, though. This was not the way to do it.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 08/02/04