Elevator Action Returns

"Elevator up..."

It's too quiet. There should be at least the sounds of people moving around the apartment building. The place has to be inhabited. Sure, the wallpaper is starting to peel, the floors are caked with mud, and there's graffiti everywhere, but the electricity and elevators are still working. But why isn't there a television on? Why aren't any kids running around? Even if this place was overrun with homeless people, it still shouldn't be as silent as this. But hey, the intel reports don't lie; this place is a terrorist hive just waiting to be wiped out.

Kart quietly unholsters his Glog 18 and clenches a grenade in his other hand. Brushing his long, blonde hair out of his eyes, he peers out of the elevator shaft. The place is a concrete jungle filled with dingy floors and steel barrels. His partner Edie already has her Berltta out and covering his back. You'd think that she'd want to wear at least a bulletproof vest for this kind of mission. Maybe she thinks that she can distract the terrorists with that remarkably low-cut top of hers. Of course, she is the Annie Oakley of the team; so maybe she's just overestimating her own skills. Jad doesn't seem to notice either way; he's clasping his Dessert Eagle between his meaty palms. The guy is probably strong enough to crush the gun with his bare han-

Kurt's train of thought suddenly derails as he spots a guard in a t-shirt and jeans dashing for a nearby door. Even though he gets his brains blown out less than a second later, he succeeds in alerting his little buddies. Soon the entire hallway is swarming with the Levi-clad bastards. All three agents unload their weapons into their foes, sending the floor and walls awash in blood. There's no time to waste now; more reinforcements are probably on their way up. The team gets back on the elevator and descends to the next floor, then fans out to cover the hallway. Edie returns a few seconds later with an extra firebomb; the terrorists apparently hide all of their extra weapons behind the blue marked doors. Jad returns seconds later, a bundle of wires in his hand and a grin on his face. Turns out this place is rigged with explosives…which are clearly marked by their red doors. What kind of idiots are they dealing with?

Well, they do have security cameras in place, so they aren't entirely inept. Jad, on the other hand, managed to get his ugly mug plastered all over the surveillance as he was disarming the bomb. Would it have been so much trouble to shoot the damned camera out? It doesn't matter now; the hallway is swarmed with even more baddies than before. A half-naked drug addict sprints toward them, bellowing loudly and firing off his dual pistols. A trenchcoated fiend steps out from another door and starts unloading shotgun shells like there's no tomorrow. An entire pack of rabid Dobermans comes pouring out a room on the left, dripping foam from their snarling mouths. Wasting little time, Edie takes down Mr. Druggie with a couple of shots to the throat. Jad doesn't even bother drawing his weapon; he lumbers straight toward Mr. Trenchcoat and clobbers into submission him with a massive forearm.

Dealing with those dogs is going to be a bit trickier, though. As the rest of the team leaps over a nearby elevator shaft –Jad's bulk keeps him from running as quickly – Kart knocks over one of the many barrels lining the wall and kicks it toward the oncoming mongrels. Since the mere impact won't kill anything, he shoots the barrel a few times and watches it erupt in a fiery explosion that litters the hall with shrapnel and limbs. Grimacing at the chorus of the moaning wounded, Kart vaults over the elevator shaft and nearly gets his head taken off by some buckshot on the way down. Instead of turning around to face the latest wave of foes, he tosses a grenade over his shoulder and creates another pile of flaming corpses. Kart rushes down the hall, takes another elevator down, and finds that his teammates have already taken care of the other bombs.

They fight down floor after floor, smiting countless Trenchcoats, Jeans, Dobermans, Druggies, freaks in Biohazard suits, and knife-wielding assassins along the way. The agents aren't totally invincible, however. Jad's body armor has been utterly shot to Hell. He might be the strongest physically among them, but he's too damned slow for his own good. Meanwhile, Edie is bleeding in at least three different places, and her once lovely red top has turned a few shades darker. All it'll take is another shot to send her sprawling onto the concrete. Her superior agility and marksmanship mean make up for her lacking defenses. Kart sends a steel-toed boot into the face of yet another terrorist, shoves him down an empty elevator shaft, and sags against the wall. There's just too many of these bastards. When will they stop coming? It doesn't matter; all they can do is keep shooting and pray that this parade of random goons comes to an end.

But just as things look desperate, the entire building suddenly shudders from top to bottom. Brushing the debris off his face, Kart realizes that all of the terrorists have been wiped out…along with half of the building they just fought through. What happened? Did one of the others call in for backup? No, this kind of attack could have gotten them killed in the process. As if he had spoken his question aloud, a booming, maniacal laugh fills the evening sky. Kart looks up and sees none other than Mr. Big himself, the red-suited psychopath himself, leering down at the agents with gleeful malice. The two match gazes for a second before Mr. Big's helicopter launches skyward, leaving the agents to dig themselves out of the rubble. At last, Kart understands; this was all a trap. The real action has yet to begin.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 09/04/07

Game Release: Elevator Action Returns (JP, 02/14/97)