Mega Man 8 Anniversary Collector's Edition

"Save your money."

Intro
Challenging action, awesome boss battles, cool level design. That's about all Capcom needs to stick in a Mega Man game for it to be successful, and they've been doing it for 7 games prior. If this was a review for any other entry in the franchise, those are the three things I'd be especially showering with praise. Unfortunately, this is Mega Man 8, and those are the three things it -- somehow -- just doesn't have.

Gameplay
Sure, the controls are standard Mega Man fare; run, jump, shoot, charge up and slide. They've also added a small, purple ball weapon for Mega Man to kick around. A small purple ball? Yeah. It's as useless as it sounds, except in the most contrived of circumstances. There's a new powerup system which is sorta nice, except that you really won't need any of them. Take whichever ones you want and enjoy the small novelties they afford you. There are a few neat ideas with the level design, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're fun, or even challenging. Many obstacles are just sort of boring, the only exceptions are the two jet-ski segments in the game, which bring some genuine difficulty and action to the game. Mini-boss battles especially, are just bland, repetitive and uninspired.

Speaking of those bosses -- they're HORRIBLE. In every possible sense of the word. They're just stupid! When you first face Sword Man, for instance, a large rock drops down, then gets blown to bits as Sword Man slices his way out from within. What the hell? What was he doing inside that rock in the first place? Was he really just chilling inside the rock, waiting for you to come so he could bust out? Does he spend much of his time inside rocks? The fight is equally stupid, since he only has two attacks that, in a clever reversal of the series's regular, are almost impossible TO get hit by, yet every time you dodge them, he compliments you with a nonchalant "impressive". Sliding under a slow moving sword is impressive? Sword Man, you're far too easily impressed, and you need to stop insulting my intelligence. It'd be way better if he laughed at you every time you managed to actually get hit by his attacks. Whatever.

Other notable stupidities include 3 of the eight bosses constantly hitting on you (!?), and the entirety of Search Man's chracter. Not to mention, Search Man's level is a jungle! What?? Because nothing says "searching" like "jungle". Complaints with substance: why can't I choose from all eight bosses from the start? Why are there so many puzzle elements in these levels? I just wanna shoot! Who made these decisions??

Graphics
Once again, standard Mega Man fare. But really, what were you expecting? I'm not complaining about it, because I could really care less, as long as it looks decent and plays like a Mega Man game. Although, some boss characters have what seems like five whole frames of animation, which looks incredibly cheap. Notice how almost none of them walk, they all jump and float around? That's so Capcom could actually get away with five frames of animation for each. It's sloppy, crappy looking, and just disgusting in general. With the resources Capcom has at their disposal, SURELY they could get someone to draw a few more frames. It's just lazy.

Story
I don't know why people complain about stories in Mega Man games. Sure, Dr. Wily keeps busting out of jail, but who cares? I'm not asking for some epic sci-fi opera, just an excuse to blow up a bunch of evil robots. Someone at Capcom disagrees, however. Instead of dedicating time and money to seeing that Grenade Man had a decent voice actor -- or better yet, NO voice actor and an entirely new, actually cool character -- they blew it on trying to tell some story about "Evil" Meteors and Robots From Space. Anime cut-scenes aren't plentiful, but they're horrible when they do show up. Confusing as they are, the Zero and X series have decent stories. There's just no compelling story to tell here, and no reason to try telling one. I hope Capcom's writer doesn't quit his day job -- unless this IS his day job, in which case I hope he quits immediately. Yuck.

Other
Finally, the voice acting in this game is so offensive, I've dedicated this small section to it. Who decided the characters needed voice actors? Who's responsible for their utterly laughable quality? If every boss' name ends with the suffix "Man", why do some (I'm looking at you, Clown Man) sound like a woman? Why does Tengu Man's accent change with every line he spouts? Astro Man is dying of lung cancer, Grenade Man is an overexcited five year old, and Sword Man dedicates the same intensity to battle as that of reading his Sunday paper. And if all the MINOR characters talk, why do the major characters have speech bubbles with text??

Replay value is nonexistant. If you ever finish this game without destroying it -- or yourself -- out of rage, you will never come back, I promise.

Final Comments
So with all these complaints, deep down, it IS a Mega Man game. Just a really easy one, that focuses on needless extras when it could have paying better attention elsewhere. For those who've never played a Mega Man game, I guess you might want to rent this. But probably not. It's just more of the same for the franchise -- which isn't bad -- except that they did it worse here, which means there's seven other, better games you could be playing. For old school fans who enjoys not being bitter and angry at the world, do yourself a favour and don't even touch it.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 04/29/05