Sewer Shark

"You just don't know what you're missing."

There are two kinds of people, I guess - thems that likes Sewer Shark, and thems that hates it with a passion. You might see a review on this page of a person who gave it a 1, because he can't figure out how to play it for more than 5 seconds without blowing up. This is because he is not a clever man. Woman. Whatever.

It's simple, really, but quite complex - hit the button, push the direction you need to go, try to hit the Recharge stations when possible, and shoot you some sewer meat. Get a good enough score, and Ghost will actually yell at you. ''Push the envelope back a little!'' You'll be surprised to find what the quest to find a less demeaning callsign than ''Dogmeat'' will drive you to accomplish.

Let's talk about the music: honestly, the first level is the best, in my opinion anyways. It's all the same rehashed tune. But it gets you in the mood to toast some bogies, so it does its job.

All in-jokes about ''tube steak'' aside, it's a great game, and massively challenging. Balancing course corrections and shooting a gun in the same brain can be wracking, especially once you get up to Beach Bum level. By that point, you've got scorpions that eat the hull of the Whole Hog, brain eating something or the others, AND you're trying to follow this Freaky Looking Thing.

But let's get to the best part of the game - Catfish. Imagine Michael Jeter and R2-D2 combined into the body of a robot Jigglypuff, with a neurotic mind and the attitude that he is constantly on the verge of sudden and horrible death. He makes the game worth playing.

Smart credit watchers will notice that the game is a product of sci-fi wizard John Dykstra, better known for his work on Star Wars, and more recently, the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie. Even though most of the cinema scenes look like rejects from Mystery Science Theater 3000, (Stenchler walks out of his office, which is just a backdrop, through the open wall, out onto the beach. Maybe this is meant to look like this. I dunno.) it's still a somewhat engaging storyline. The dialogue's not Shakespeare, but then again, Shakespeare never piloted a rig full of guns and illegal parts trying to shoot down mutant ratigators.

Give it a go, if you've got a Sega CD and can find the game. Turn and burn, Dogmeat!

Reviewer's Score: 7/10, Originally Posted: 02/02/02, Updated 02/02/02